you're Monte Kiffin,

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Monte is an older gentleman obviously so I guess we think he's nice and reasonable. He might be a piece of shite.

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maybe the apple doesn't fall far from the tree

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Of course, you've coached in college before, back when General Neyland was a sergeant. People forget that because you've been in the NFL so long. At N.C. State, though, they still remember the day you dressed up as the Lone Ranger and rode that white horse into the stadium. There was the time you jumped out of the helicopter (about 8 feet) and the time you volunteered to fight Joe Frazier (you touched gloves and left).

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Start with the story everyone tells, of Monte's wild ride. Back when he was the head coach at N.C. State in the early '80s, Kiffin was trying to stir a little interest in the program. So, during a spring pep rally, he dressed up as the Lone Ranger, had them play William Tell Overture and came charging down the hill atop a white horse. Hi-yo. And furthermore, Silver.

There was the time he vowed to jump out of an airplane. Only it turned out to be a helicopter, and it was hovering about 8 feet above ground.

There was the time an entourage followed him into the ring and, waiting for him there, was Joe Frazier.

There was the time, when he was with the Vikings, he and defensive tackle Keith Millard staged a fistfight on top of a nearby building. It ended when Millard tossed a mannequin, dressed like Kiffin, off the building.

Marinelli has heard them all. The one he likes to tell involves the annual scouting trip to Mobile, Ala.

"Monte's a gizzard man," Marinelli said, shaking his head in disgust. "Gizzards. Every year, he stocks up on them. I mean, he brings them home in his carry-on luggage."

Chicken gizzards?

Marinelli looks at you strangely as if to wonder why you cared what creature they originated inside.

"They're gizzards," he said.

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