Sen Ted Cruz has facially prepared for 2nd US Civil War this week

TBB: Ted Cruz grows out mutton chops in preparation for civil war in the US

AUSTIN, TX — Tensions have escalated dramatically between the federal government and the Lone Star State as illegal immigration continues unabated at the southern border. Following the Supreme Court's decision in favor of the Biden Administration's right to remove razor wire placed by Governor Abbott's National Guard, Texas Senator Ted Cruz grew out mutton chops in preparation for Civil War.

"I do declare that the fed'ral gubment has overstepped its authoriteh," said the Texas lawmaker to a crowd of armed Texans as his extravagant sideburns jiggled dramatically with each drawling syllable. "Our dear state is under bombardment by both invaders from the south and those good-fer-nuthin', carpet-baggin' bureaucrats from up nooowaath."

The crowd reportedly cheered in response, firing their AR-15's and pitchforks into the air with hoots and hollers. The state's southern belles then began lining up to donate their fine jewelry to the cause of smelting enough razor wire to surround the entire state in addition to the city of Austin.