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James Bond To Stay Male, Will Be Played By Elliot Page
Posted on 9/30/21 at 8:03 am
Posted on 9/30/21 at 8:03 am
LOS ANGELES, CA—James Bond fans around the world breathed a sigh of relief this week as Paramount Studios announced that the next iteration of the beloved British superspy will still be a male character played by a man.
"We are pleased to announce that we have chosen male actor Elliot Page to play James Bond!" said a spokesperson. "James Bond has always been a man, and we want to be true to that legacy."
"Cheerio!" said Page, attempting his best British accent. "I'm absolutely gobsmacked to be given this role, mate! The name's Bond. James Bond! Teeheehee!"
According to sources, Page was given the role due to his acting skills and also due to the fact that he's a man who is very, very male.
In preparation for the role, Page has started an intense workout regimen in hopes of gaining weight until he weighs in at around 130 pounds.
There is currently no official word on who will play the main Bond girl in the next film, although sources say it will be Caitlyn Jenner.
007
8
Posted on 9/30/21 at 8:05 am to TigerVespamon
Almost got me. 
Posted on 9/30/21 at 8:05 am to TigerVespamon
Bee gotta try harder but I did laugh.
Posted on 9/30/21 at 8:07 am to TigerVespamon
Can we see the casting film where he says: Pussy Galore ?
Posted on 9/30/21 at 8:52 am to TigerVespamon
I think the Bee is actually giving ideas to that crowd at this point
Posted on 9/30/21 at 8:54 am to Corso
quote:
I think the Bee is actually giving ideas to that crowd at this point
I'd watch a Bond parody with that cast.
Posted on 9/30/21 at 8:59 am to TigerVespamon
I secretly hoped that if Bond ever went woke, they’d go with Idris Elba. That would have worked, but he’s probably too old now.
Posted on 9/30/21 at 9:12 am to TigerVespamon
Thank god this was bee
Posted on 9/30/21 at 9:21 am to TigerVespamon
It will definitely be a man, but I will guarantee you he won't be caucasian.
Posted on 9/30/21 at 9:34 am to JackieTreehorn
quote:It will be a gay black male James Bond. And they’ll have gay sex scenes á la Brokeback Mountain. Gonna be a huge hit.
It will definitely be a man, but I will guarantee you he won't be caucasian.
Posted on 9/30/21 at 10:41 am to TigerVespamon
Posted on 9/30/21 at 10:50 am to Vacherie Saint
quote:
I secretly hoped that if Bond ever went woke, they’d go with Idris Elba
Collin Salmon...but he's now too old as well.
James Harewood (Martian Manhunter from Supergirl) would work.
This post was edited on 9/30/21 at 10:51 am
Posted on 9/30/21 at 10:59 am to Bestbank Tiger
quote:
I'd watch a Bond parody with that cast.
Only if the current asst sec of health (LOL) is his love interest as THE Bond Girl.
Brains and has that breathless look down Pat (subtle homage to SNL)
Posted on 9/30/21 at 11:01 am to Enadious
quote:
Can we see the casting film where he says: Pussy Galore ?
New character will be: Not Allotta Fagina.
Posted on 9/30/21 at 11:07 am to NineLineBind
quote:
New character will be: Not Allotta Fagina.
Dick Removed
Posted on 9/30/21 at 11:48 am to La Place Mike
quote:
Almost got me.
Me also. I would be thrilled to no end in my justification to 'cancel' any new Jane Bond - NON-CIS Agent.
EDIT:
Best line from the copy....
quote:
There is currently no official word on who will play the main Bond girl in the next film, although sources say it will be Caitlyn Jenner.
This post was edited on 9/30/21 at 11:51 am
Posted on 9/30/21 at 11:56 am to Vacherie Saint
quote:
I secretly hoped that if Bond ever went woke, they’d go with Idris Elba. That would have worked, but he’s probably too old now.
Casting Idris actually wouldn't be "woke" - it would be an increasingly rare example of straight colorblind casting. You're right that he's probably too old, as he would 50 when the next movie comes out. Ideally, films every 2 to 3 years, you would like a minimum 3 to 4 films. so the "sweet spot" would be late 30s so you have flexibility.
For comparison, Connery started playing Bond in his early 30s (but Connery was an "old" early 30s), Roger Moore was already in his 40s, as was Dalton and Brosnan. Craig was late 30s, but like Connery, he was an "old" late 30s.
The best candidates for Bond should be guys born between about 1977 (which would be pushing it) and 1985. For Brits fitting that category, Hardy would be interesting, but a gamble. Fassbender and Ejiofor (who happens to be black) would be my top older candidates.
My non-traditional choice would be Jack O'Connell - could potentially play Bond for 15, 20 years - you could get 6 to 8 films out of him. HE would be the new Sean Connery. But, nobody ever listens to me.
Similarly, Daniel Kaluuya would be young, but could be a homerun (also happens to be black). I think the upside on O'Connell is slightly higher, though. Mainly, O'Connell seems "older" than his barely 30, while Kaluuya still seems really young and doesn't quite have enough world weariness for Bond yet, IMHO.
This post was edited on 9/30/21 at 12:01 pm
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