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1
Posted on 7/30/20 at 12:29 am to BoogaBear
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Because it was dead.
Posted on 7/30/20 at 12:35 am to Misnomer
Good one
My kid: “daddy, can you make me a peanut butter sandwich?”
Me: “poof, you’re a peanut butter Sandwich.”
Posted on 7/30/20 at 12:41 am to fr33manator
My son to me after I got hit in the eye with a tennis ball: “Your eye was really on the ball, Mom.”
:rimshot2:
:rimshot2:
Posted on 7/30/20 at 5:48 am to Misnomer
What does every good dad joke have in common? The punchline is apparent.
Posted on 7/30/20 at 5:58 am to BoogaBear
Q.:What kind of car did God have?
A.: A Plymouth. He drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in his Fury.
A.: A Plymouth. He drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in his Fury.
Posted on 7/30/20 at 6:54 am to soccerfüt
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He walks up to the bartender and says, “Give me a beer, Mac. And one for the road.”
Posted on 7/30/20 at 7:05 am to 89AUTiger
One year I found the perfect birthday card for my dad. It read, "Dad, I knew raising me would make your hair turn gray, I just didn't realize it would also make it turn loose."
Posted on 7/30/20 at 7:36 am to fr33manator
quote:
Rape
Hey! Rape is no laughing matter.
Unless you are raping a clown.
Posted on 7/30/20 at 7:59 am to BoogaBear
You like my new shoes? I actually bought them from a drug dealer.
I’m not sure what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping on them all day.
I’m not sure what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping on them all day.
Posted on 7/30/20 at 8:06 am to BoogaBear
If you're ever inside and get cold go stand in the corner.
they're usually 90 degrees.
they're usually 90 degrees.
Posted on 7/30/20 at 8:42 am to bengalbait
Of all of the inventions over the last 100 years, the dry erase board is the most remarkable.
Posted on 7/30/20 at 9:01 am to BoogaBear
I was on a business trip and I called my wife to see how things are going at home. She called my son downstairs to talk for a minute. He was in the middle of playing a game and said "I'm busy can I call you later"?
My response "I prefer to be called dad"
My response "I prefer to be called dad"
Posted on 7/30/20 at 9:07 am to DeoreDX
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It's cool, they woke up.
It's cool, they woke up.
Posted on 7/30/20 at 9:56 am to Mainieri Fan
quote:
Why do crows never get hit by automobiles when they're eating roadkill?
Because there is always another one in a tree going " Caw, Caw "
The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.
Posted on 7/30/20 at 10:00 am to soccerfüt
quote:
Q.:What kind of car did God have? A.: A Plymouth. He drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in his Fury.
You know what Jesus’s Middle name is?
Howard. That’s why people Say “Jesus H Christ.”
“Our father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.”
Posted on 7/30/20 at 10:09 am to fr33manator
Son: Daddy, can you put on my shoes?
Dad: I can try, but I don't think they'll fit.
Dad: I can try, but I don't think they'll fit.
Posted on 7/30/20 at 10:35 am to BoogaBear
Dad: Did you hear about the actress who killed herself? Reece.....
Other Person: Reece Witherspoon?!?
Dad: No, WitherKNIFE
Other Person: Reece Witherspoon?!?
Dad: No, WitherKNIFE
Posted on 7/30/20 at 11:32 am to hottub
What does a pirate pay for ear piercing?
Buck an ear!
Buck an ear!
Posted on 7/30/20 at 12:13 pm to fr33manator
You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there?
European.
European.
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