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re: Your best impromptu dad joke

Posted on 7/30/20 at 12:27 am to
Posted by Misnomer
Member since Apr 2020
3664 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 12:27 am to
Posted by mmmmmbeeer
ATL
Member since Nov 2014
9643 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 12:29 am to
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?





Because it was dead.
Posted by fr33manator
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
133039 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 12:35 am to



Good one

My kid: “daddy, can you make me a peanut butter sandwich?”



Me: “poof, you’re a peanut butter Sandwich.”
Posted by Misnomer
Member since Apr 2020
3664 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 12:41 am to
My son to me after I got hit in the eye with a tennis ball: “Your eye was really on the ball, Mom.”

:rimshot2:
Posted by Larry Gooseman
Houston
Member since Mar 2014
2754 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 5:48 am to
What does every good dad joke have in common? The punchline is apparent.
Posted by soccerfüt
Location: A Series of Tubes
Member since May 2013
72629 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 5:58 am to
Q.:What kind of car did God have?

A.: A Plymouth. He drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in his Fury.
Posted by 89AUTiger
Member since May 2020
137 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 6:54 am to
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He walks up to the bartender and says, “Give me a beer, Mac. And one for the road.”
Posted by SouthEndzoneTiger
Louisiana
Member since Mar 2008
11368 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 7:05 am to
One year I found the perfect birthday card for my dad. It read, "Dad, I knew raising me would make your hair turn gray, I just didn't realize it would also make it turn loose."
Posted by SG_Geaux
Beautiful St George, LA
Member since Aug 2004
80213 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 7:36 am to
quote:

Rape


Hey! Rape is no laughing matter.




Unless you are raping a clown.
Posted by CalicoJack
The Centennial State
Member since Jun 2020
204 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 7:59 am to
You like my new shoes? I actually bought them from a drug dealer.

I’m not sure what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping on them all day.
Posted by bengalbait
Grove Lounge
Member since Sep 2009
4588 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 8:06 am to
If you're ever inside and get cold go stand in the corner.
they're usually 90 degrees.
Posted by PuntBamaPunt
Member since Nov 2010
10070 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 8:42 am to
Of all of the inventions over the last 100 years, the dry erase board is the most remarkable.
Posted by DeoreDX
Member since Oct 2010
4224 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 9:01 am to
I was on a business trip and I called my wife to see how things are going at home. She called my son downstairs to talk for a minute. He was in the middle of playing a game and said "I'm busy can I call you later"?

My response "I prefer to be called dad"
Posted by CockyTime
Baton Rouge
Member since Nov 2015
3371 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 9:07 am to
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's cool, they woke up.
Posted by Geauxboy
NW Arkansas
Member since Oct 2006
4856 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 9:56 am to
quote:

Why do crows never get hit by automobiles when they're eating roadkill?

Because there is always another one in a tree going " Caw, Caw "


The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.
Posted by fr33manator
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
133039 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 10:00 am to
quote:

Q.:What kind of car did God have? A.: A Plymouth. He drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in his Fury.



You know what Jesus’s Middle name is?


Howard. That’s why people Say “Jesus H Christ.”

“Our father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.”
Posted by Jor Jor The Dinosaur
Chicago, IL
Member since Nov 2014
7195 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 10:09 am to
Son: Daddy, can you put on my shoes?
Dad: I can try, but I don't think they'll fit.
Posted by hottub
Member since Dec 2012
3651 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 10:35 am to
Dad: Did you hear about the actress who killed herself? Reece.....

Other Person: Reece Witherspoon?!?

Dad: No, WitherKNIFE
Posted by 4QNDS
Cypress Texas
Member since Oct 2019
158 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 11:32 am to
What does a pirate pay for ear piercing?



Buck an ear!
Posted by Misnomer
Member since Apr 2020
3664 posts
Posted on 7/30/20 at 12:13 pm to
You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there?

European.
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