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re: Would you want to know if your SO was cheating on you?

Posted on 8/13/15 at 9:08 pm to
Posted by jmcs68
Member since Sep 2012
40401 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 9:08 pm to
quote:

could never comprehend the mindset of NOT wanting to know.




More than likely they already know. But it's no one place to tell the person unless the person telling is close to the couple.
Posted by RedWineMeNow
Louisiana
Member since Jul 2015
339 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 9:16 pm to
quote:

I could never comprehend the mindset of NOT wanting to know.


I can comprehend it. If you don't have a passionate relationship with them, and there are other reasons you're with them besides sex, (because the sex isn't any good). Or if they've been abusive so you're hoping someone else will steal them away. You might think to yourself, please take him, and I don't even need to know about it until it's done.
Posted by Han Soleaux
Member since Aug 2015
130 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 9:18 pm to
Sounds like you speak from experience?
Posted by tiggerthetooth
Big Momma's House
Member since Oct 2010
64719 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 9:20 pm to
Yes. IDGAF who tells me. Cheating is cheating, and its shitty. As long as whoever is telling me knows without a doubt, then hell yes.
Posted by tiggerthetooth
Big Momma's House
Member since Oct 2010
64719 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 9:21 pm to
quote:

More than likely they already know.


How do you know this? I dont think this is always true. I think thats a generalization that has no real merit outside of whatever youve seen with your owns eyes amongst those you know that have gone through it.
Posted by RedWineMeNow
Louisiana
Member since Jul 2015
339 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 9:22 pm to
quote:

Sounds like you speak from experience?








....maybe...
Posted by tiggerthetooth
Big Momma's House
Member since Oct 2010
64719 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 9:23 pm to
quote:

I'd rather hear it from him.


And what makes you think he wants to tell you? He may go along with it as long as he wants, and if you never figure it out, then great for him to have his side fun. Plenty of situations where the cheater will never tell you.
Posted by tiggerthetooth
Big Momma's House
Member since Oct 2010
64719 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 9:26 pm to
quote:

If I wanted to know, I'd seek the answer from the right person I wanted to hear it from, or find out on my own. I sure as hell wouldn't want some blabber mouth confronting me with it just so they could get their jollies from being a snitch bitch.


You speak kindly of the cheater without any bad words, and then slander the person who would save you time/heartache with bad words. Nice. Your world isnt backwards at all.

Guess you'll be okay with wasting your time, and being used, and living in a relationship that doesn't exist.
Posted by jmcs68
Member since Sep 2012
40401 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 9:27 pm to
quote:

, and if you never figure it out, then great for him to have his side fun. Plenty of situations where the cheater will never tell you.


I think if my marriage is so bad where one of us cheated I would already know. I would hope he would come clean or if a close friend had knowledge of this they would tell me.
Posted by jmcs68
Member since Sep 2012
40401 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 9:28 pm to
quote:

I think thats a generalization that has no real merit outside of whatever youve seen with your owns eyes amongst those you know that have gone through it.


I have. Nuff said.
Posted by RedWineMeNow
Louisiana
Member since Jul 2015
339 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 9:36 pm to
quote:

Guess you'll be okay with wasting your time, and being used, and living in a relationship that doesn't exist



Guess what? Been there and been through it already. You know what I learned? That it's a huge waste of time to kill yourself mentally over what another person does. You know what you have control over? Absolutely not a single damn thing, and once you realize that and actually fully internalize that fact? What others do will become inconsequential. Then you will realize that it's what YOU do that matters most in your life. If your significant other is cheating, you'll find out if you want to know. Essentially, you already know in your gut. It's YOU who should be the one that chooses when and how you find out. Not another's choice.
Posted by Breesus
Unplug
Member since Jan 2010
69549 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 9:37 pm to
Absolutely
Posted by GCTIDER
Mississippi
Member since May 2012
1893 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 9:43 pm to
Hell, I wish my wife would have an affair. Then I could still be the good guy with the rich in laws! Lol
Posted by Makinbacon
Member since Jul 2015
2791 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 10:05 pm to
It's not the guys fault.
He didn't cheat, your skank whore of a wife/gf did.

Posted by shel311
McKinney, Texas
Member since Aug 2004
112948 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 10:26 pm to
quote:

I could never comprehend the mindset of NOT wanting to know
Trying to figure that out as well. I'd never even think to ask the question, not sure why anyone would say no.
Posted by shel311
McKinney, Texas
Member since Aug 2004
112948 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 10:27 pm to
quote:

More than likely they already know
not always.
Posted by shel311
McKinney, Texas
Member since Aug 2004
112948 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 10:29 pm to
quote:

I have. Nuff said.
taking your own experience and generalizing that everyone's else is similar is kinda silly.
Posted by fr33manator
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
135055 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 10:30 pm to
quote:

Posted by zelman on 8/13/15 at 9:02 pm to Smalls I could never comprehend the mindset of NOT wanting to know.


That's the thing...if it's happening...down deep...you already do. People don't step out if all their needs are being fulfilled. Emotionally, sexually, intellectually, spiritually.

We are creatures of need. Desire. And once someone decides the want to step out...it's already over.

In the onslaught of chemistry, even iron wills turn to rust.
Posted by jmcs68
Member since Sep 2012
40401 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 10:33 pm to
Well some seem to agree with me so....


Agree to disagree.
Posted by tiggerthetooth
Big Momma's House
Member since Oct 2010
64719 posts
Posted on 8/13/15 at 10:34 pm to
quote:

If your significant other is cheating, you'll find out if you want to know. Essentially, you already know in your gut


So you believe everyone who is cheated on somehow knows and there is no one that genuinely is blindsided by the cheating?


Definitely not always the case. Lots of people are completely blindsided by the cheating. Maybe you knew, and hindsight is always 20/20, and you think back and see the signs, but there are plenty of non-assuming folks who have been cheated on and will be cheated on without a clue. It happens ALL THE TIME. So, we can drop the "whole "oh in your gut you already know". Not really if you've never been cheated on then you don't have a paranoid enough disposition to always have an eye peeled towards potential cheating. In fact, I would hope you're not involved in a relationship where thats even necessary.
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