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Started By
Message
Wife’s uncle is disrupting care plan for her father who has dementia
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:21 pm
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:21 pm
Family drama thread, and I know this is the right place.
My wife’s uncle is disrupting her father’s care plan. He has advanced dementia, can’t remember how to write the letters of the alphabet, and gets confused often. His brother (who is stupid rich) has decided to get involved. He hasn’t been around at all for any of it since the diagnosis 18 months ago, but suddenly he’s developed an interest.
He’s been riling my FIL up over the phone telling him that doctors don’t know anything, that my wife and my MIL are just paranoid women, and that he needs to retake control of his own life. My FIL went from a Holly jolly old man with dementia to a grouch who won’t look my wife in the eye right now. My wife spent three nights in the hospital with him when he broke his leg, has made time to help with all of his neurology visits, and has done extensive research on getting the best care medically and at home. But he’s now convinced that she’s out to get him or just doesn’t know anything. All because of her uncle.
Her uncle has also convinced him that he should be driving and that no one should have to take a test to prove they can drive. If doctors revoke his license, according to my uncle, it’s just more evidence of how they don’t know anything and need to be ignored. So despite him not driving for the last 6 months, he’s saying he’s going to drive. My wife’s uncle said he’ll get the keys for him.
He sent a text to my wife today that said the following:
“I don’t know what angle you have here but you need to stay the hell out of his business. How did you even get on his HIPAA release anyway? Are you SURE you legally can be there for his appointments? Or would we find that maybe you are snooping around where you shouldn’t be?
I’m coming tomorrow to make sure he is protected from the nonsense you and those doctors are feeding him. Keep your bullshite out of it.”
So what steps can she or my MIL take? I told my wife she needs to get a conservatorship of him to add protection, but she doesn’t want that responsibility. I think her uncle is going to show up tomorrow, put him in a car, and go to a lawyer himself.
What an a-hole.
My wife’s uncle is disrupting her father’s care plan. He has advanced dementia, can’t remember how to write the letters of the alphabet, and gets confused often. His brother (who is stupid rich) has decided to get involved. He hasn’t been around at all for any of it since the diagnosis 18 months ago, but suddenly he’s developed an interest.
He’s been riling my FIL up over the phone telling him that doctors don’t know anything, that my wife and my MIL are just paranoid women, and that he needs to retake control of his own life. My FIL went from a Holly jolly old man with dementia to a grouch who won’t look my wife in the eye right now. My wife spent three nights in the hospital with him when he broke his leg, has made time to help with all of his neurology visits, and has done extensive research on getting the best care medically and at home. But he’s now convinced that she’s out to get him or just doesn’t know anything. All because of her uncle.
Her uncle has also convinced him that he should be driving and that no one should have to take a test to prove they can drive. If doctors revoke his license, according to my uncle, it’s just more evidence of how they don’t know anything and need to be ignored. So despite him not driving for the last 6 months, he’s saying he’s going to drive. My wife’s uncle said he’ll get the keys for him.
He sent a text to my wife today that said the following:
“I don’t know what angle you have here but you need to stay the hell out of his business. How did you even get on his HIPAA release anyway? Are you SURE you legally can be there for his appointments? Or would we find that maybe you are snooping around where you shouldn’t be?
I’m coming tomorrow to make sure he is protected from the nonsense you and those doctors are feeding him. Keep your bullshite out of it.”
So what steps can she or my MIL take? I told my wife she needs to get a conservatorship of him to add protection, but she doesn’t want that responsibility. I think her uncle is going to show up tomorrow, put him in a car, and go to a lawyer himself.
What an a-hole.
58
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:24 pm to StringedInstruments
Sounds like you should’ve already beat the uncles arse. Man up, pussy
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:25 pm to StringedInstruments
The way you have to go about this is someone is going to have to become power of attorney. There is no other way. Someone will have to do that. Find the best person in the family for that. Find an attorney who will create a trust. That person will also be the one who will be the one that will execute the will.
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:25 pm to StringedInstruments
quote:+1
Family drama thread, and I know this is the right place.
My wife’s uncle is disrupting her father’s care plan. He has advanced dementia, can’t remember how to write the letters of the alphabet, and gets confused often. His brother (who is stupid rich) has decided to get involved. He hasn’t been around at all for any of it since the diagnosis 18 months ago, but suddenly he’s developed an interest.
He’s been riling my FIL up over the phone telling him that doctors don’t know anything, that my wife and my MIL are just paranoid women, and that he needs to retake control of his own life. My FIL went from a Holly jolly old man with dementia to a grouch who won’t look my wife in the eye right now. My wife spent three nights in the hospital with him when he broke his leg, has made time to help with all of his neurology visits, and has done extensive research on getting the best care medically and at home. But he’s now convinced that she’s out to get him or just doesn’t know anything. All because of her uncle.
Her uncle has also convinced him that he should be driving and that no one should have to take a test to prove they can drive. If doctors revoke his license, according to my uncle, it’s just more evidence of how they don’t know anything and need to be ignored. So despite him not driving for the last 6 months, he’s saying he’s going to drive. My wife’s uncle said he’ll get the keys for him.
He sent a text to my wife today that said the following:
“I don’t know what angle you have here but you need to stay the hell out of his business. How did you even get on his HIPAA release anyway? Are you SURE you legally can be there for his appointments? Or would we find that maybe you are snooping around where you shouldn’t be?
I’m coming tomorrow to make sure he is protected from the nonsense you and those doctors are feeding him. Keep your bullshite out of it.”
So what steps can she or my MIL take? I told my wife she needs to get a conservatorship of him to add protection, but she doesn’t want that responsibility. I think her uncle is going to show up tomorrow, put him in a car, and go to a lawyer himself.
What an a-hole
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:25 pm to StringedInstruments
That guy sux and needs his arse whooped for doing that. Sorry you have to deal with this.
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:26 pm to StringedInstruments
He's probably trying to get him to remove her from the inheritance so he can keep it all
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:26 pm to StringedInstruments
Wife has power of attorney?
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:26 pm to StringedInstruments
Sounds like your wife’s uncle stands on business and ain’t got time for y’all’s trifling ways.
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:26 pm to Tvilletiger
quote:
The way you have to go about this is someone is going to have to become power of attorney. There is no other way. Someone will have to do that. Find the best person in the family for that. Find an attorney who will create a trust. That person will also be the one who will be the one that will execute the will.
My wife and her uncle both have power of attorney on the will. I think the MIL does as well.
It’s honestly not about his money. We’re just wanting to make sure her uncle can’t legally do shite like tell him he can drive or show up and take him somewhere.
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:26 pm to StringedInstruments
quote:
Her uncle has also convinced him that he should be driving and that no one should have to take a test to prove they can drive.
Well that should be easy to prove otherwise.
Any idea what his incentive to get involved now would be? His text to your wife has a bit of a shady vibe to it I think. Snooping around where she shouldn’t be? Those words carry some weight IMO.
Also, if his wife is still alive it seems like she has the ultimate decision, no?
This post was edited on 5/19/24 at 9:29 pm
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:27 pm to CocomoLSU
quote:
Any idea what his incentive to get involved now would be?
Knowing the guy? It’s a power trip. That’s it. I seriously think it’s just a power trip.
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:28 pm to CocomoLSU
quote:it almost always has to do with money
Any idea what his incentive to get involved now would be?
This post was edited on 5/19/24 at 9:30 pm
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:30 pm to Tvilletiger
quote:
The way you have to go about this is someone is going to have to become power of attorney. There is no other way. Someone will have to do that.
That ship has already sailed. Since Dad has been diagnosed with dementia, nothing he signs will hold water in court, and this uncle sounds like someone that would fight it. The only option you have now is to go to the courts and have him declared incompetent and a guardian appointed for his affairs.
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:32 pm to StringedInstruments
quote:
Knowing the guy? It’s a power trip. That’s it. I seriously think it’s just a power trip.
I edited while you were replying so I’ll post it again.
His text to your wife has a bit of a shady vibe to it I think. Snooping around where she shouldn’t be? Those words carry some weight IMO.
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:34 pm to StringedInstruments
Sounds like the brother may be in the early stages of dementia as well, being overtly aggressive and prone to outburst. Strange though that he wouldn’t care for 18 months but does now. Something changed…
This post was edited on 5/19/24 at 9:37 pm
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:34 pm to StringedInstruments
Has your wife also been staying in a hotel and withdrawing a few hundred dollars worth of cash every day?
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:35 pm to StringedInstruments
quote:
He’s been riling my FIL up over the phone telling him that doctors don’t know anything, that my wife and my MIL are just paranoid women, and that he needs to retake control of his own life.
What’s his username?
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:36 pm to Ldogg123
Is he still married to your wife’s birth mother, and is it his first marriage?
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:37 pm to StringedInstruments
frick your wife’s uncle. What a presumptuous a-hole.
Posted on 5/19/24 at 9:39 pm to CocomoLSU
quote:
His text to your wife has a bit of a shady vibe to it I think. Snooping around where she shouldn’t be? Those words carry some weight IMO.
As in she’s snooping around the will? It’s not like any of it is a secret.
Also, she’s been there medically for him more than anyone. Her uncle’s the one telling him not to listen to neurologists and that his dementia isn’t real and that he should drive.
If anyone is bringing bullshite into this, snooping where they shouldn’t be, it’s him.
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