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Started By
Message
re: wife apparently cheated on husband 20 years ago before marriage
Posted on 6/19/21 at 9:29 am to dbeck
Posted on 6/19/21 at 9:29 am to dbeck
quote:
I've never subscribed to the "once a cheater, always a cheater" theory
A one time fling 20 years into marriage is much much different than cheating while engaged.
0
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:29 am to Lincoln Dawson
He should "forgive" her and quietly begin moving assets and making plans to prepare for the eventual divorce. Keep everything on the up and up and start coming around to the fact he will need to find someone new. The faster he comes to terms with it the better he will feel.
We all make mistakes but screwing someone else isn't a "mistake". It's a chain of mistakes to get to that point and an outright disregard for the person you are with at the end. If it's done once, it will be done again.
People who lack self control are cheaters. It doesn't mean they don't love you or that you can't love them. It is what it is. You must accept it and love them for who they are, with the knowledge that this is something you will have to deal with over the years of your marriage or get a divorce and find someone that has the self control to not cheat.
BTW people that have great degrees of self control are usually much less fun that those that don't. You have to be honest with yourself and make choices that you can live with.
We all make mistakes but screwing someone else isn't a "mistake". It's a chain of mistakes to get to that point and an outright disregard for the person you are with at the end. If it's done once, it will be done again.
People who lack self control are cheaters. It doesn't mean they don't love you or that you can't love them. It is what it is. You must accept it and love them for who they are, with the knowledge that this is something you will have to deal with over the years of your marriage or get a divorce and find someone that has the self control to not cheat.
BTW people that have great degrees of self control are usually much less fun that those that don't. You have to be honest with yourself and make choices that you can live with.
Posted on 6/19/21 at 10:58 am to Lincoln Dawson
quote:
She went to a bar and the rest is just details.
So did she get super drunk? That’s not an excuse, but that type of situation is far less likely to repeat than if she did it sober, especially since she’s likely not getting hammered at bars in her 40s.
Posted on 6/19/21 at 11:09 am to pelicanpride
quote:
She went to a bar and the rest is just details.
Posted on 6/19/21 at 11:19 am to saralsim
quote:
But if my husband comes to me and confesses some shite from when we were in college and my response is “I’ll pray for you”, that’s a detached bull shite response.
Of course it's detached. He can't bear to attach and deal with the pain.
But the general rule in these circumstances is this: if the person that fricked up is genuinely contrite, they will not bow up and get defensive from a response that is not an attack.
Posted on 6/19/21 at 11:21 am to Lincoln Dawson
Bounce
Posted on 6/19/21 at 11:39 am to Lincoln Dawson
quote:
the husband's feelings here as well
He needs Jesus...so do the rest of you mfers
Forgive the bitch and move on, dumbass
frick his petty shitty feelings
Posted on 6/19/21 at 11:40 am to SouthernStyled
quote:
with the pain
What pain? He fricking won, there is no loss, no grief.
Pussies
Posted on 6/19/21 at 11:42 am to V Bainbridge
quote:
We all make mistakes but screwing someone else isn't a "mistake"
A mistake can be a bad decision...
You people lie to yourselves just to hear the chirping...
I agree with the rest of your post, everyone should be protecting their own assets.
Posted on 6/19/21 at 11:45 am to IceTiger
quote:
Forgive the bitch and move on
She doesn't want to be forgiven, she wants out of the marriage. That's the only reason she told him. Since the fling happened before the marriage, he can't use adultery as a grounds for divorce, which means she's still entitled to alimony (in SC, adultery is a total bar to alimony). She is goading him into filing so she can have him subsidize her lifestyle for the rest of her life, while simultaneously taking half his shite. There is no other reason for this to be disclosed 20 years down the road.
Posted on 6/19/21 at 11:48 am to SCLibertarian
quote:
doesn't want to be forgiven
Forgiveness is not for the offender
quote:
she wants out of the marriage
Hence...
quote:
move on
Posted on 6/19/21 at 11:54 am to Lincoln Dawson
quote:She blew him, and rode him like he was her last.
I can’t help but wonder what all went on that night
quote:It was 20 years ago. Quit being a puss.
Any advice would be appreciated. I’m lost
Or, ask if you can get a hall pass.
This post was edited on 6/19/21 at 11:55 am
Posted on 6/19/21 at 12:01 pm to Lincoln Dawson
1. She is an absolute shitty person for not burying that memory deep away, what a selfish woman to try to ease her conscience by telling her husband 20 years after the fact
2. He should be angry over it but should give her grace, but I know it’s hard and sucks to be him right now.
3. What a bi#*# for bringing that up
2. He should be angry over it but should give her grace, but I know it’s hard and sucks to be him right now.
3. What a bi#*# for bringing that up
Posted on 6/19/21 at 12:22 pm to Old Sarge
quote:
She is an absolute shitty person for not burying that memory deep away
Hard to bury the memory of your best ride ever.
Posted on 6/19/21 at 1:03 pm to SouthernStyled
quote:
Hard to bury the memory of your best ride ever.
no shite
Posted on 6/19/21 at 1:14 pm to BRIllini07
quote:
Men would rather just never know, because there is literally no way that information wouldn't eat us from within.
This is very true for me. I’m old now so it doesn’t really matter but around the 20-25 year old range it seemed that women like to ask how many girls I had been with. I’d refuse to answer the question and never want to know how many guys that had been with. I’m was ok with her having been a gutter whore, but I sure didn’t want to know about it.
Still true today. At my age, nobody I date has less than a dozen at the bare minimum, but I don’t want to know about a single one of them. None. Nada. I don’t care if you fricked the New England Patriots but don’t even say the name Gronkowski around me.
This post was edited on 6/19/21 at 1:17 pm
Posted on 6/19/21 at 1:19 pm to supadave3
quote:
Still true today. At my age, nobody I date has less than a dozen at the bare minimum, but I don’t want to know about a single one of them. None. Nada
At our age we should be mature enough as adults to know the other person has had sex with more than 1 person and just let it go as that. Only concern should be if other person is tested regularly so knows their health status regarding any STD
Dating sucks in your 40s btw
Posted on 6/19/21 at 1:26 pm to lsunurse
quote:
At our age we should be mature enough as adults to know the other person has had sex with more than 1 person and just let it go as that
I agree, and I don’t want to talk about it. I’m usually glad they've had the practice but no need to discuss it.
quote:
Dating sucks in your 40s btw
It does. Everyone had boatloads of baggage and is very set in their ways. I sway between really wanting a significant other to being very thankful I don’t have to deal with it.
Posted on 6/19/21 at 1:30 pm to supadave3
Friend sent me a meme that said:
“I’m convinced that dating in your 40s is like digging through the bargain bin at Walmart just trying to find the least damage item that someone else missed”
“I’m convinced that dating in your 40s is like digging through the bargain bin at Walmart just trying to find the least damage item that someone else missed”
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