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wife apparently cheated on husband 20 years ago before marriage

Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:43 pm
Posted by Lincoln Dawson
Spanish Fort, AL
Member since Feb 2019
783 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:43 pm
i still belong to a group that offered support for marriages that were on the rocks. the group is great, my marriage at the time, not so much.

this came up today as a topic by a poster. how would you feel about this? some are saying, it was 20 years ago, you both were young, she made a mistake, let it go. forgive her. i can possibly see all of that, but i think it is also dismissing the husband's feelings here as well.



quote:

My wife in a round about sort of way just admitted to cheating on me three months before our wedding. We’ve been married 20 years and have kids a mortgage and good jobs.
I’ve called all over today trying to find a counselor and I haven’t been able to find one. I’m really torn and unsure about what I’m feeling right now.
At the time she cheated on me we were going to the pastor at her parents church for premarital counseling. I was living in our first house and working my first job about a hundred miles away from her. She was still in college and living with her parents.
I can’t help but wonder what all went on that night. She went to a bar and the rest is just details. I keep wondering if she had on her engagement ring that night. I wonder if her parents knew what she was doing.
Any advice would be appreciated. I’m lost.
Posted by GEAUXmedic
Premium Member
Member since Nov 2011
41598 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:44 pm to
It aint the only time. She's just telling him to quell her conscience.
Posted by pioneerbasketball
Team Bunchie
Member since Oct 2005
132362 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:44 pm to
wish I knew the wife better.
Posted by Ted Clubberlang
Alabama
Member since Jul 2020
436 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:44 pm to
If that skeezer cheats once she will cheat twice
Posted by The Boat
Member since Oct 2008
164137 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:44 pm to
He’ll end up watching her go to pound town from the closet in 6 weeks
Posted by Tigerbait357
Member since Jun 2011
67928 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:44 pm to
Posted by SEClint
New Orleans, LA/Portland, OR
Member since Nov 2006
48769 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:45 pm to
quote:

I’m really torn
Posted by Lincoln Dawson
Spanish Fort, AL
Member since Feb 2019
783 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:46 pm to
quote:

If that skeezer cheats once she will cheat twice



here's a top resposne from the group.

quote:

While hurtful and disappointing your wife cheated before you were husband and wife and your vows had been taken.
I think the greatest thing you could do is quickly forgive her, give her grace and double down on your love for your wife! She maybe carrying guilt and shame and how you handle this will either harm your relationship or significantly enhance it.
Why rehash it and go back 20 years. She was immature, you were gone and she was still in college. Let it go sir!
I think it takes considerable courage, love, kindness, mercy and forgiveness to move on. While we all probably would want to know all the same questions you asked, I would personally be afraid to hear the answers.
I am praying for you! May God heal your heart and help you to love like you have never been hurt!


i do agree that he needs to forgive her. the only reason why i say that is because if he doesn't it will end up eating at him more so than her. know that i did not say that he should "forget" it though. big difference.
Posted by Lincoln Dawson
Spanish Fort, AL
Member since Feb 2019
783 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:48 pm to
the original poster in the group just updated with this;

quote:

yea she has changed her story, which is par for the course for her. She chewed me out this morning again. She got really mad when I told her I would pray for her.


he gets chewed out for praying for her. she sounds like a manipulative woman. my bet is she has cheated on his even during the marriage.
Posted by Simplemaaan
Member since Sep 2007
3809 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:48 pm to
I think he needs a little hookers and blow to get over it.
Posted by USMEagles
Member since Jan 2018
11811 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:51 pm to
If it were really just one time before they were even married, who gives a shite?

The problem is, it probably wasn't just one time.
Posted by dbeck
Member since Nov 2014
29452 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:51 pm to
quote:

working my first job about a hundred miles away from her. She was still in college and living with her parents.

Sounds like she was young and dumb. Some people do change and some grow up, especially after having kids.

If he never suspected anything until she told him then it was probably a one time deal just sowing some wild oats. Either that or she had been cheating on him this entire time and somehow never raised suspicion. First option seems more likely.

I've never subscribed to the "once a cheater, always a cheater" theory. I've had friends who cheated, realized they fricked up and the grass wasn't greener and they vowed to never cheat again.
Posted by blowmeauburn
Baton Rouge
Member since Sep 2006
7885 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:51 pm to
Nah. She got pounded by some random dude. Marriage doesn’t really mean shite to her. She’s definitely cheated again. This is commonsense.
Posted by EuphoricSSP
Member since Feb 2021
822 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:52 pm to
quote:

It aint the only time. She's just telling him to quell her conscience.



I bet she gives good head, the married ones always want a big one with no strings attached.
Posted by Darth_Vader
A galaxy far, far away
Member since Dec 2011
64590 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:54 pm to
quote:

wife apparently cheated on husband 20 years ago before marriage


Once? Yeah. Ok, buddy. Keep telling yourself that. If a woman will spread her legs for another guy once she will do it again.
Posted by TigerMond84
Member since Dec 2014
464 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:55 pm to
She sucks based on the update. Time to cut bait.
Posted by 9001
Pools closed
Member since Jul 2017
2087 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:56 pm to
quote:

cheating on me three months before our wedding


quote:

We’ve been married 20 years




If she admits to a second during marriage...


This post was edited on 6/18/21 at 9:59 pm
Posted by OldmanBeasley
Charlotte
Member since Jun 2014
9697 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:56 pm to
quote:

He’ll end up watching her go to pound town from the closet in 6 weeks

Posted by AUCE05
Member since Dec 2009
42568 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:59 pm to
I look at this as one free pass for revenge.
Posted by go ta hell ole miss
Member since Jan 2007
13628 posts
Posted on 6/18/21 at 9:59 pm to


The guy in the grey shirt at the bottom has as big of a reaction as the bald guy that got dumped on.

To the OP, it was 20 years ago and they weren’t married. I wouldn’t throw away 20 years of marital bliss over this. Sounds like marriage is already shaky, though.
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