re: Why do men still get conned into marriage when there are no benefits for men to marry?

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I understand your point to an extent Its still infinitely more challenging to marry someone and stay with them than it is to remain single to avoid divorce. I know, I was older single/never married guy for a LONG time.

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I agree, it IS far more challenging to marry and stay w/someone than to be single.. I cant speak for everyone, but i get PLENTY enough ‘challenging’ at work and in life in general- why would i want to spend my days dealing with a challenging marriage as well ? Especially when it’s very likely to end in divorce ? Taking the emotional component out, it just doesn’t pass the logic test to me .

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Especially when it’s very likely to end in divorce ?

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My only answer is when your son says "Dada" for the first time.

It all makes sense after that. You don't want to spend any substantial amount of time away from that little dude, ever. And that is where a healthy, mutually beneficial marriage kicks in...

This question demonstrates the difference between people and their views of a life-long relationship. Faith is a huge part of this thinking. Why even consider what the Bible says about divorce? Rather, read what it says about marriage. (Genesis, Song of Songs, Corinthians, Proverbs, John...)
I have the polar opposite view from the OP. Marriage is not temporary with me.
I cannot imagine life without my wife. We met at LSU and are well matched in humor, education and intellect. I remember our wedding with her shaking so badly that she was littering the aisle with tiny roses as she approached me. This whole life-long commitment situation was so serious to her that she was trembling. I held her hand to put the ring on her finger and then she could not hold still to do mine, but just looked at me to do it for her. Things were every bit as serious for me, but I had a bit more physical control due to life experiences and training.
We struggled to start and later coped with successes. We bought and sold houses. We made major moves. We raised successful children.
Now we are empty nesters and still happily together. We will be together as long as we are both alive - without question.
I would not have had as good of a life without that close partnership. This was one of the best decisions of my life.
My question is how people manage to have happy lives without such a relationship?
There is a reason why God said that this was very good...

You realize that married couples pay less taxes right?

I pay about $15K less in taxes than if I was single. Joke’s on you for paying the government more.

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You seem jaded because of your divorce which I can understand, but there are plenty of people that never experience divorce.

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Nah, we are on great terms and we’re both at pretty good places in our lives i think, albeit individually .

But for you to use the word ‘jaded’ implies some emotional reaction im having to the concept of marriage .. quite the opposite is true; i am trying to remove the emotional reasons some here are using to justify marriage, and simply look at it from a factual and logical basis.. and if you do that, then marriage objectively makes very little sense , pragmatically -speaking or financially-speaking .

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okay, that's you

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But that is the point. It is not just me. It was us. And it is other people who seriously follow the Biblical principles regarding the Biblical institution of marriage.

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to find someone suitable to enter a marriage and to keep them, you need to maintain a certain level of frame (attractiveness, short and long term earning potential).
without that frame your partner will be exploring options, or you'll just never have one in the first place. it's even easier now in the age of texting and dating apps.

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All irrelevant. The relationship is everything.

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short and long term earning potential).

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Again, irrelevant. We were both dead broke and had ups and downs many times. Money is just a tool - life is about relationships and the emotional investment in them.

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basically the root of marriage being a perceived worse deal for men is that women find it easier to leave and for more superfluous reasons than ever before. the (perceived) good marriages parents and grandparents had were based on (now) unrealistic societal expectations where women didn't have the equality they do now.

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Relationships are not business deals.
Loneliness is a universal concern.
Trust also works both ways.
The point is that people who focus on failure have already lost in that they have not internalized the emotional investment in togetherness to the point that such a thought is far from their hearts.
Looks like failure would be inevitable - just as the failure rate indicates.
But, if you want to understand how things are supposed to work, read your Bible. That would be the greatest developmental exercise possible for understanding and maintaining healthy relationships. And I mean this quite sincerely. This resource was given to you for good reason. Use it.

Where did I say anything about finding a unicorn? That is because as a model for relationships, it is a totally flawed concept.
There are no unicorns in RELATIONSHIPS - only two flawed people who make the union work.
Some of you seem to be looking for the best deal on a pick-up truck rather than joining another person in a life-long relationship.
This will never succeed because you are not correctly participating in the process of making it work.
The key is having a daily focus on the joy of being with your special person - regardless of their and your quirks.
Humor helps a lot. Especially needed in dealing with me.
But I fear that I am confusing people.
Adieu

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Why can't you just be in a monogamous life long relationship without bringing a government into it?

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I will say this about governments involvement as this seems to be a hang up for a lot of people.

It is a valid point. The marriage itself has nothing to with the government. But the law offers certain protections/rights to married couples during the marriage and in the event of a divorce.

Imagine wanting to get a divorce but before the court even hears the case, they have to first determine that you are in fact married. Which probably won’t be that simple considering the fact that one party usually stands to “lose” and would probably try their hardest to deny the marriage ever existed.

“Government paperwork” is a way to avoid that messinesses.

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i think certain people believe that becuase they happened to get lucky in marriage, that it’s the best option for everyone else.. and yes, i said luck..

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My take on this is that there are no “unicorns” (the whole idea is kind of silly if you think it through). Like the guy you’re responding to said, marriages are two flawed people who try their best to make it work.

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but i work hard enough at my career and in other aspects of life, that i dont think marriage /relationships should be such hard work .

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That’s OK only if you believe your job is more important to you than your marriage.

How can your marriage not take work? Think about it, you’re flawed, she’s flawed, and you’re both changing over time. You constantly have to pathfind back to each other and the path is always new.

If you don’t, then you wake up one morning and look over at your wife and see a complete stranger in your bed who looks like her. This is how most divorces happen…by degrees and over time. You “grow apart”, so subtly that you don’t notice until it’s too late.

This is why you put in the work. You have to communicate constantly. You have to course correct. You have to realign. You have to peruse her like you did when you were dating. The day you stop is the day the marriage begins to slowly starve.

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Actually, it’s going to cost us more money via the “marriage penalty” than if we were filing separately as unmarried people.

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Yep. Disparate income levels creates a marriage tax benefit. Comparable levels lends towards a penalty.