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Posted on 6/27/15 at 8:59 pm to OWLFAN86
Too be fair, there aren't many fat superheroes either.
Posted on 6/27/15 at 9:03 pm to OWLFAN86
They suffer from the oppression of body shaming.
Posted on 6/27/15 at 9:39 pm to OWLFAN86
There are in Mississippi and West Virgina.
Posted on 6/27/15 at 10:16 pm to OWLFAN86
quote:bad threads are bad but for some reason I'm drunk enough the thread title cracked me up. :deepthoughts:
why arent there any fat vampires
Posted on 6/27/15 at 11:36 pm to OWLFAN86
Blood is gluten free
Posted on 6/28/15 at 1:15 am to OWLFAN86
Read fat white vampire blues.
A vampire from New Orleans gains weight feeding on fat people in Louisiana. Fun book.
A vampire from New Orleans gains weight feeding on fat people in Louisiana. Fun book.
This post was edited on 6/28/15 at 1:23 am
Posted on 6/28/15 at 1:30 am to Aspercel
Surprised this book has not been written. A whole market that has not even been tapped yet.
Posted on 6/28/15 at 4:23 am to Aspercel
Fat White Vampire Blues
Bride of the Fat White Vampire
quote:
Jules Duchon was a real New Orleans vampire. Born and bred in the working-class Ninth Ward, bitten and smitten with the Big Easy. Driving through the French Quarter, stuck in a row of bumper-to-bumper cars that crept along Decatur Street like a caravan of bone-weary camels, Jules Duchon barely fit behind the steering wheel of his very big Cadillac taxicab. Even with the seat pushed all the way back.
Bride of the Fat White Vampire
quote:
After morphing into 187 very large white rats in the name of self-preservation, Jules Duchon is back to his portly self, a member of that secret class of New Orleans citizens known as the undead. Though he would like nothing better than to spend his nights raising hell and biting flesh in his beloved French Quarter, duty calls when an exclusive club of blue blood vampires demands that the 450-pound cabbie find out who is attacking its young and beautiful members. Adding insult to injury, he has to enlist the help of a former foe: a black vampire named Preston.
What’s a vampire to do? Without the love of a woman to ease his pain, Jules isn’t convinced that his undead life is worth living. He doesn’t desire Doodlebug (she may be a woman now but Jules knew her back when she was just a boy) any more than he longs for Daphne, a rat catcher who nourishes a crush the size of Jules. No, only Maureen will do. Once a beautiful stripper with nothing but curve after curve to her bodacious body, now she is mere dust in a jar. But Jules will move heaven and earth to get her back . . . even if it means pulling her back from the dead.
Posted on 6/28/15 at 4:54 am to OWLFAN86
What I've gathered from movies is that once you become a vampire, you become very attractive...and a homosexual.
Posted on 6/28/15 at 7:38 am to OWLFAN86
Isn't it sort of a super Atkins diet? All protein?
Posted on 6/28/15 at 9:11 am to FLBooGoTigs1
It has been. The first was pretty good and I've read it a few times.
Second was ok.
I haven't read the third yet
Second was ok.
I haven't read the third yet
Posted on 6/28/15 at 9:14 am to Captain Crown
quote:
Vampires get to pick their prey only reason I got. Nobody wants a fatty
Pretty sure there are black vampires.
Posted on 6/28/15 at 9:16 am to OWLFAN86
Bc vampires aren't real
Posted on 6/28/15 at 9:20 am to OWLFAN86
Because vampires are the Original Fat Shamers!
Posted on 6/28/15 at 9:39 am to OWLFAN86
Too fat to make the vampire cutoff owlie? Subtle, but I caught it. Nice try.
Posted on 6/28/15 at 10:34 am to OWLFAN86
They have to bite you three times to turn you into a vampire, they just eat the fatties.
Posted on 6/28/15 at 11:37 am to OWLFAN86
Liquid diet.
/thread
/thread
Posted on 6/28/15 at 11:53 am to OWLFAN86
quote:
as humans wouldn't they have been easier to catch thus creating more vampires ? plus all those meaty veins = more blood
They haven't evolved long enough fangs to access the vasculature in fatties. Mankind has only become obese in the last 60-70 years. Human blood is very low in fats and cholesterol generally. The only way for a vampire to become obese would be to ingest blood from individuals with elevated triglycerides and cholesterol. Maybe a poorly controlled diabetic if they had a sweet tooth. Otherwise they are forced to feed on leaner humans who's vessels are more superficial and easily accessible.
The average vampire fang is only about 4mm longer than the average human canines. Now they could obtain IV access, but the feeding habits of vampires are as much sexual as they are nutritional. In fact, vampires can sustain themselves on a meat heavy diet. They don't actually have to bleed you directly. Their immortality(not really, but a long fricking time) requires immense amounts of hemoglobin found in blood. They can get this from rare meat, but it's more efficient and "satisfying" to take a blood meal. In fact, most vampires will orgasm during ingestion of a meal. Even with same sex victims.
We are in fact seeing some health issues in our vampiric patients related to feeding on less healthy individuals. And many have even started to add vegan options to their diets to prevent certain nutritional deficiencies never before seen in their kind. It's a fascinating issue. I do know a few female vampires that have in fact seen weight gain and developed mild obesity from ingesting blood from obese individuals. We are seeing it across the south. It is quite disturbing to them. As you said, you just don't see fat vampires. They are generally very attractive, and fit. Female vampires do have naturally longer canines than males. We think it developed because their masseters are not as developed and strong as the males of their species. Therefor, ones with longer ones did better and reproduced (yes they can thru intercourse). So some of them can in fact access the jugulars of fatassses. This has created a whole new problem....VULEMIA. Overweight female vampires binging and purging after dining on fat, delicious Americans. I can go on and on about other issues amongst our mortality challenged citizens, but you get the gist.
Posted on 6/28/15 at 12:03 pm to BackWoodsTiger
quote:
What I've gathered from movies is that once you become a vampire, you become very attractive...and a homosexual.
Not true. Vampires are quite vain. They will not "turn" an unattractive individual. Although a vampire can be born of a vampire, the incidents of unattractive offspring is rare due to this type of selection over the centuries. Vampirism is autosomal recessive. Which means you must obtain the gene from both parents. It's not impossible for vampires to be born from a human/vampire union but extremely rare. It is unclear whether vampirism is a rare genetic mutation found naturally in humans or if vampires evolved along a separate line. They has to be a common ancestor due to the virtually identical genome of vampires and humans. So it IS in fact a genetic human mutation. It's just unclear how common or uncommon due to the misrepresentation of vampires in pop culture.
As far as the homosexuality, Not true. But when you been banging the same shite for 2000 years, sometimes curiosity gets the best of you and some will try a little manpussy. And truth be known, the largest and most easily accessible vein in humans is the dorsal vein of penis. I mean shite, if your gonna feed from it, putting the rest in your mouth ain't that big of a step. Hope that helps explain it for you.
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