re: what's the worst experience you've had with a drunk chick

We got married.

In college: Meet a girl at a party. Those supernatural forces where the two drunkest people at a party find each other. We make our way downtown Athens. We start making out in the bar. I go to the bathroom and she is leaned over the bar making out with one of the bartenders. I say frick that, grab her and head for a cab. We are in the back of a taxi van making out. We’re those people. We get to my room in the fraternity house going at it on my couch and she tells me she’s going to get sick. I do the right thing and give her a blanket on the couch and put a trashcan there for her to puke in. The next morning I climb down from the loft to realize she had thrown up in the trash can, rolled off the couch and knocked over said trash can. The puke was matted in her hair, the carpet and my jacket she had grabbed off the love seat because she had gotten cold on the floor.

Post college: I was a branch manager at a bank celebrating its 50th year and having a big party and my then girlfriend was there with me. My head teller was also there and blackout drunk telling me she wanted to do all kinds of fun stuff to me. By the end of the night, drunk girl was sloppy passed out so me and my girlfriend were just going to take the girl back to my girlfriend’s house and let her sleep it off. When we got there, trying to get her out of the back of the truck we realized she shite herself. So we take her in the bathroom and start hosing her down. She’s now on all fours in the shower getting sick. The problem is she’s very clearly also on her period. Every time she heaves to throw up, she kind of trickles blood out that then runs down the tub toward her face and the drain. She’s got bodily fluids coming out of every orifice. Somehow after this exorcism she’s surprisingly sober and wants to call a friend to pick her up and take her home. On the way home she convinces her friend that she’s fine to drive and they swing by downtown to grab her car so she will have it in the morning for work. She then gets a DUI from there to her house.

I was a football GA back in the 90's at an out of state college. Part of the job was being the RA of the football dorms (my suite was actually pretty sweet).

Christmas break and the entire building was empty. I had to stay because there was still recruiting stuff to handle.

I had to teach a few blow off activity courses as part of the job, and there was this smoking hot little thick freshman in one of them who was dating one of our players. She was a local girl (still lived at home too) and would always come talk a little during class. No biggie. She seemed really nice and innocent.

I'm passing through one of the filmrooms one day, and overhear a small group of guys cutting up and talking about pussy. Naturally, I gravitate over out of interest. Jokingly throw out something like yeah, if you put this much enthusiasm into getting better you could get your arse off the scout team. I basically find out what a freak that little innocent girl is. The player is telling us he literally can't keep up with her because she wants to bone 24/7. I take it with a grain of salt, but he also says she was a virgin when they got together. Needless to say, next time I saw her in class I looked at her completely different.

Where the frick am i going with this?

Dorms were empty over Christmas break. That player had broken up with her, and I've got her in my room. The other thing I remember her ex bf saying, is that he doesn't eat pussy. If that's true, then I was about to ring her up, because that's right in my wheelhouse. My buddy, the other GA, had her friend in his suite. Those other two were freakin tanked. Loud and carrying on - just acting stupid. We can hear her yelling shite out of the dorm window and stuff.

I'm rocked up beyond belief and campus security shows up to crash the party as I'm literally 30 seconds into one of the most anticipated BJ's ever. Turned out the one my buddy was with was still in high school, and her dad happened to be a big supporter of the program. I got my arse reamed over that one and was never able to close the deal.

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Plus I’m holding out for Paige

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she's busy drinking Tino's

They make semen shakes?

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This is why I stay syllabicate

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You stay dividing words into syllables? Wtf.

this is the worst thread, but i'll play ...
i hit my head on a toilet mid coitus and knocked myself completely unconscious.
my dude had no idea what to do. he said he just sat there hoping i didn't have a brain hemorrhage.
and once, i got a black eye because my dude threw me up in the air so hard trying to switch positions that i was launched into a wooden canvas hanging on the wall behind the bed.
i had to show up to work with my black eye. we worked together, and he couldn't have been more proud of himself.

My gurl likes it rough

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Out of nowhere I get sucker punched from her side, I whip over and look and she's full on fighting 5 people in our section. 

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That is funny!