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re: What qualities did you look for in your spouse?

Posted on 1/17/20 at 3:55 pm to
Posted by LSUinMA
Commerce, Texas
Member since Nov 2008
4968 posts
Posted on 1/17/20 at 3:55 pm to
quote:


Don’t “search” for anything in particular. When you find someone who’s right, you will just know


Thank you for this commonsense response to a fairly creepy question.

OP sounds like a mad scientist looking for the right patient to perform experiments upon.
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
71199 posts
Posted on 1/17/20 at 4:05 pm to
quote:

Speaking from experience, what happens here is, because you're together when you're young your personalities, views and habits are more malleable and therefore you grow together and shape each other. If you wait to get together when you're older, then your personality is already set and you're stuck in your ways. In that case it requires a more perfect match.


The flip side to this is that the reason so few young couples make it is because each person grows and changes so much as they age. People change a lot from 15-18, then from 18-22, and from 22-26, etc. The personality and maturity changes are so drastic that few couples survive because they literally are not the people their partner fell for anymore. Those that stick through that gauntlet are generally solid enough to go the distance, but it’s rare.

My ex and I changed completely between when I met her at 20 and when we broke up at 26. Those personality changes around 25 were incredible. We both didn’t like who the other became, so we didn’t make it.
This post was edited on 1/17/20 at 4:08 pm
Posted by KyleOrtonsMustache
Krystal Baller
Member since Jan 2008
5192 posts
Posted on 1/17/20 at 4:10 pm to
Similar values on: Money, raising a child and religion.

Trustworthiness.
Intelligence.
Ability to age well.

Everything else comes pretty easy.
Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
53819 posts
Posted on 1/17/20 at 4:19 pm to
quote:

The flip side to this is that the reason so few young couples make it is because each person grows and changes so much as they age.

Agreed. You'll change more still. It wasn't until I was about 35 that I felt completely comfortable in my own skin and didn't really care what other people thought of me.
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
71199 posts
Posted on 1/17/20 at 4:26 pm to
As for how SO’s can change someone and leave a lasting impact on their personality, there was a fascinating episode of The Orville last season on that topic. One of the crew found a cell phone from our era in a time capsule. Included in it was a saved copy of this woman’s social media feeds, all her photos, videos, text conversations, etc. The crew member then used the holodeck of the ship to recreate scenes from her life so he could sorta meet her. Of course, he falls in live with the hologram girl, but she breaks up with him to get back together with her on-again/off-again boyfriend no matter how many times and ways he runs the simulation. Finally, he tries to delete the ex boyfriend and run it without him in her life, and she is a completely different person as a result.

I know I would not be remotely the same person today had I never met or dated my ex-wife. Not sure if that’s for the better or not.
This post was edited on 1/17/20 at 4:29 pm
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