re: What is the fastest you have ever seen a new co-worker get fired?

Back when I was in college, I worked at a restaurant. One of our new kitchen guys showed up late. Owner asked why he was late. He said "I'm gonna be honest, I took some acid earlier."

Fired on the spot. He left and went to the parking lot next door and danced for a few minutes before leaving for good. Wonder if he's still alive.

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Junior level employees have to job hop to get paid more money these days, unfortunately.

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Employee loyalty was lost when pensions were terminated and workers were forced to support their own retirement nearly by themselves. 3 big recessions in the last 20 years didn’t do anyone’s resumes any favors either. Now the process is this... Employee: “got an offer for this much; you willing to match?” Employer: “kick rocks.”

The red flag when I’m looking at resumes, is several changes in the last year or two, not 10 to 20 years. When a good employee leaves that I can’t compensate, I will always be on that employees side. Fools are loyal to companies that most would drop them in a heartbeat if they could replace them for less money and the same skill set. Capitalism works both ways mutherfrickas.

Buddy if mine went for a job interview and they offered him on the spot. When he went for the physical and piss test, he thought he was safe cause he passed a $17 home kit from Walgreens but all of our friends knew that his cup probably caught on fire when it went to the lab. A few days later, he was mad because they rescinded their offer of employment.

I used to work in HR so I’ve got quite a few stories:

-Guy was hired the week of our company Christmas party. Dude showed up to the party absolutely blasted and high out his mind on Xans. Know how we know? The legit hooker he hired as his date told us.

-Twice in two years we had a dumbass Recruiter hire a Maintenance type role and both times the new guy showed up, “went to lunch”, and never came back.

-We had a guy in some type of analytics role who was a total creep. On his first day he told his Manager what school her kids went to and went asked me how my wife’s leg was doing (I don’t have any social media but my wife had just broke her leg from a camping trip in Utah and she had posted about it like a month prior. Stalked all of us and our families on social media, knew our addresses, kids names, etc then was rattling them off thinking he was impressing us but he was really just creeping us the frick out.

-Had a guy start on day one in a Maintenance role and was obviously hungover in Orientation. Around 10 AM he shite his pants in the middle of New Hire Orientation. Asked if we had an extra pair of pants he could borrow, we didn’t, so he went home “to change” and never came back.

I made a career change out of HR a few years ago because it was mostly Karen-types constantly bitching about petty shite while not working. I had to change for my own sanity.

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I went to talk to him and looked out the window and he is driving off in his car.

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I had a boss when I was an intern that very obviously hated his job and all of us. We’d get off at 5 PM, every day around 4:15 on the dot he’d come out his office and say “I’m running to the bathroom” and we’d look out the window and see that dude driving out the parking lot in his car lmao. I aspire to give as little of a shite as he did.

I got a poster on TD (won’t name him) a job with me doing some offshore electrical work. We had to climb up this big arse crane and we were harnessed. Probably 300+ feet in the air at all times.

The crew leader was a major douche and forgot his toolbag. Right when we got up top, he told the TD poster to go down and get his tools. He said if I go down, I’m not coming back up. That was about an hour into it

Full disclosure, the crew leader was a major douche

Walked a stupid kid out day 1 or 2 for installing software used by hackers, not caring his intentions, just not something a brand new tech support agent should be working with.

Dude was hired but didn’t report to orientation because he had a prior engagement scheduled. Fired.

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Well, he was into porn and didn’t want to get caught at home, I guess, so he tried printing it to his office printer.

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Was it something hilarious, like midget bodybuilder foot worship or lesbian Sherpa fetish roleplay?