True Stories...of the O-T

I’m a counselor at an AA meeting and this hobo asked for a ride. No problem. We get in the car and I turn the radio on and asked if he wanted to be the DJ and he completely freaked out and said he doesn’t do that anymore. I tried to give him $20 for some food before he got out but he just cursed at me. Probably would’ve bought beer or dope with it anyway.

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Maybe if you go to bed earlier you won’t hate your job so much tomorrow

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That maybe true.

I went to Sonic earlier

Got a large chili cheese tots and a limeade

I was in South Korea doing missions during the 2002 World Cup. We were going to spend about a week at a RoK army base (no hot water, chow hall food that makes you want an MRE).

Anyway, we sit in our convoy for about an hour waiting for some Korean MPs to show up and follow them on the base. While we are waiting there, I start prairie dogging like a motherfricker. The only thing nearby is a little “store”. Not like a convenience store though. Like a little country shack that sold stuff.

The bathroom was like a urinal in the floor. I squat, blow that fricker up. Look around to flush, nothing. There’s a garden hose and a bucket. I’m supposed to full up the bucket and flush the poop down that way.

And of course, no TP. So I pull out my knife and slice a chunk off of my t shirt.

If only that were my only army poop story. But those will have to wait for another day.

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Need to start a poop thread bro

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Coming back the day after an LSU game. The combination of hangover and too much breakfast buffet gave me the raging shits. Every 20 minutes like clockwork I had to pull over and run into the woods. A normal two hour drive took five hours.

4 or 5 years ago I’m in Starkville in the off-season for a training with a coworker and went to a local establishment for dinner. Bro-in-law (who’s an Aubie-super-Bunker fan) gives me a call while I’m at the bar. I had given him a specialized “War Eagle” ringtone on my fancy-schmancey new i-phone and didn’t think much of it. I’m also not really that great with situational awareness. I’m one of those I’ll call you back later type people, so I let it ring to voicemail. Apparently it must have been important and he called right back, so I answered, had a short conversation and hung up. Dirty looks abounded my way and I’m sure I subsequently had some spit in my food. My coworker was like leave me out of this y’all, I went to USM. CSB.

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True story I once did color commentary on the radio for a football game

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Probably better than Witten and Booger on MNF

No wonder you suck at sales.

yes before it burned