tOfficial Birds and the Bees thread

What happened when you had sex for the first time? Did it go as planned?

I was 16 years old. Me and my girlfriend were ready to knock boots for the first time. My best friend takes me to her house. Her mom was sleep so I had to climb through her bedroom window. I was scared as shite. Things start to heat up but she was very petite so it didn't go as planned. 1 hour later I finally gave up. It wasn't happening. I climb back out the window and my best friend picks me up and he takes me home. My house was on a steep hill and my bladder was about to explode. I found the nearest bush at the the bottom of the hill and took a leak. A few seconds later I noticed nothing was coming out. I started freaking out. I thought God was punishing me for having pre-marital sex. I look down and there was a big bubble of urine hanging between my legs. I noticed that I still had the condom on. *pop* Now I'm standing at my front door covered in urine. I slowly opened the door and my folks were sitting on the couch. "What the frick is that smell??? Is that urine?" I finally broke down and told them what happened. My punishment was to call every aunt and uncle and tell them what went
down.