re: Today, March 18 is National Awkward Moments Day. Care to Share?

That story had me in stitches

I also have never understood the infatuation with anal.

One of my great friends from high school married a former stripper. Naturally, me, his family, and everyone else warned him against doing so. To the surprise of everyone, she has actually been a great wife to him, and they have well behaved children.

At some point he must’ve told her about the things I said about her before their marriage, because last year when I went to visit my buddy for his mother’s funeral, his wife just gave me the absolute worst dagger-eyes I’ve ever gotten

(No, no pics)

Years ago, my paralegal went up to a local female attorney and said "hey, Jill, I see that you are expecting. When is your due date?"

The reply: "No, I'm just fat."

Note: I did use a fictitious first name for the attorney.

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wtf does she expect?

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The mind of a woman is unknowable

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The mind of a woman is unknowable

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true dat, "I want to be a hoe but don't you dare hoe shame me!"

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my wife's soiled panties

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she used to be in a sorority?

I was a a party probably a decade back, that a guy (now one of my best friends, back then just I guy I knew through someone else) threw Every year, let's call him Leo. Big party, lots of fun, lots of restaurant industry people.

Well, me being me, I had spontaneously decided carve a watermelon I had brought for the party.

Was lots of fun. Thee was all sorts of good food there during the party, but as it got very late, (near 3 am) it had wound down and most of the guests had left or passed out. I had just put the food away. (Now at this time I had my head nearly shaved and was a white sleeveless undershirt. Looking kind of skinhead.)

Now two black guys I'd never met (work friends of Leo) walked in the back door and say "y'all, got any food left?" And I turn around and say, "yeah, there's fried chicken and watermelon."

When I tell you his eyes got WIDE


He said "what did you say?"

And I looked right back at him, and said "I said there's fried chicken. and watermelon."

You could have cut the tension with a knife as we stared each other down, until Leo says. "No man, it ain't like that." And opens the fridge, where all that sits, besides drinks and condiments...

Is a box of fried chicken and a bowl of watermelon.

There was a beat of recognition and finally the silence broke with him cracking up laughing then all of us laughing. He was like "man I thought we were about to fight or somethin'"


So yeah i think that was the night me and "Leo" became friends.

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It's my birthday. Checks out.

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Hey! It's mine as well

Flew out to Midland, Texas for a Saturday morning deposition (defending an employment law case). Everyone is present except for the plaintiff's attorney.

A call comes into the office where we were holding the deposition. Plaintif's attorney wants to speak to me (he was driving down from Lubbock." Everyone in the room is hearing my side of the conversation.

"I cannot come to the deposition, I've had an accident."

:"Were you hurt?"

"It was not that type of accident."

"What kind of accident was it?"

"I went to the bathroom in my pants."

"Number one or two?"

"Number two."

Everyone is looking at me like I'm a nut.

The guy felt bad and tried to make the cans at a McDonald's, but didn't make it. I told him "I'd have gone in the sink."