The Onion: Woman didn't know progress on toxic masculinity would turn boyfriend into pansy

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Expressing disbelief at her romantic partner’s dramatic behavioral shift, local woman Emily Kittleson, 30, told reporters Friday that she had not expected her boyfriend’s attempts to recognize and curtail toxic masculinity would eventually turn him into a “weepy little pansy.” “Christ, I know the dope is trying to be conscious of the effects of his words and actions and to be more open and honest with his emotions, but there’s got to be a limit,” said Kittleson of her boyfriend Shane Magnusen, 31, whose efforts to reject toxic masculinity have begun to irritate her as she claims he has evolved into “a fragile fricking flower about everything” in recent weeks. “Of course I’m happy for social progress and all, but this ineffectual shite is not what I signed up for. Instead of suppressing his emotions about major issues in his life, he cries at sad commercials. Our fights used to be him screaming at me for a few minutes and that was it, not great but not terrible. Then last night we get into an argument that somehow turns into me nodding and making comforting noises while he talks about his strained relationship with his dad until well after midnight. Like, come on, I don’t have time to indulge this self-centered crap.” Kittleson was also compelled to interrupt her statements twice, groaning and rolling her eyes while responding to text messages from Shane regarding their couples’ therapy appointments later that week.

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