Spring Cleaning: Get Cut, Get Butt

It's that time of year again. Time to get ya 2-to-5.5 inch inseems (or speedos) and hit the beach.

Step one: Gear. You already know ya boy in dressing rooms all over town getting fitted. He in there naked hitting competition poses, and trying on swim shorts during water breaks.

Step two: Cut. Your boy been waiting for this since September '17 (and since he was a small child). He took off January at the gym to let the resolutioners clear out, but he spent his off time consuming enough protein to kill the average man. Then he spent February and March turning his body into a chiseled meat factory. You already know he beach ready. Ladies at the beach seein the ring on dude's finger knowing they fricked up. They thirsty talking crazy bout some "it aint cheeting if nobody know." FOH. Meanwhile, group of dadbods lowkey mirin ya boy but still throwing shade cuz they know the game aint fair. Sitting there looking like Hillary voters after the election, pretending they game not arse.

What about you fam? You beach ready?