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re: Relationship advice

Posted on 2/29/20 at 10:59 pm to
Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
52907 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 10:59 pm to
quote:

I've told her a couple of times I'm just not ready now and that leads to "When will you be ready?" which I definitely get but have no answer to.

If that's how you feel don't make this woman move 5 hours away for your arse

You might be a nice guy but you clearly aren't in the same place that she is. Tell her to wait or move on brother.
Posted by TorchtheFlyingTiger
1st coast
Member since Jan 2008
2893 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 10:59 pm to
You're a loner that likes to take spontaneous trips but you only see this girls "at least once a month." Yet she's only 4.5 hours away and not eager to get her closer. Sounds like you're not really that into her. Otherwise you'd get your fill of alone time on the road visiting or meeting in the middle.
Posted by Geaux-2-L-O-Miss
Between Your Ears
Member since Aug 2005
3811 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 11:00 pm to
You don't truly know someone until you've lived together. Having said that:

You stated she was everything you wanted or something like that but you think you still need a test drive. Also, you can't live together; but in the same town is better than 4.5 hours away. If she can get a job near you or you a job near her make the move and "have your own places (you already do)". That satisfies the "family" not living together and you can live "together" as much as yall want. 26 sounds young but I got married at 26 after dating mine for 4 years.

Be a man, sitting back waiting for the next best thing is an option but the best thing might already be in front of you. Its up to you to make a decision not the OT board. And if you want the OT to make the decision for you; well she's better off without you.
Posted by PillPusher
Gulf Coast
Member since Oct 2009
5920 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 11:01 pm to
You’re probably only together at this point because you don’t have to see each other every day. Long distance is a cop-out for actually having to do work in a relationship. I could love any girl if I only had to talk to her on the phone and take her on a date once a month.
Posted by Paige
Vice President of the OT
Member since Oct 2010
85617 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 11:02 pm to
Don’t listen to oweo

He’s socially handicapped

I was in a 2.5 year relationship where we were 4 hours apart and saw each other every 3-4 weeks. Then he moved here and we’ve lived together the past year and a half. Things couldn’t be greater
Posted by baobabtiger
Member since May 2009
4922 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 11:02 pm to
Be honest. Was once in your position and I got married. I wasn’t ready and it ended in divorce. If she doesn’t want to wait that’s her choice.
Posted by SidewalkTiger
Midwest, USA
Member since Dec 2019
65883 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 11:02 pm to
quote:

And if you want the OT to make the decision for you; well she's better off without you.


Was just asking advice of people who'd possibly been in my position before. I've heard people say they lost a girl they loved because they wanted to party or chase other women and they regretted it later.

I dont want to be with other women or party, I just want to make the right move and not screw up.
Posted by LSUA 75
Colfax,La.
Member since Jan 2019
4620 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 11:03 pm to
I don’t see how ya’ll could know each other well enough to get married if you only see each other 2-3 days a month.I knew my wife 4-5 years before we started dating and then dated 2 years before we got married.We saw each other virtually everyday last year and a half.I was 30,at 26 getting married was the last thing on my mind.
All I know is at some point you’re going to have to shite or get off the pot.
Posted by MSUDawg98
Ravens Flock
Member since Jan 2018
12297 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 11:04 pm to
quote:

4.5 hours or so


You've got to be shitting me. 4.5 hours should give the two of you weekends AT LEAST twice a month. Not hard to leave work Friday and be there by 10...then stay until Sunday afternoon. Take turns a few times a month.

I used to drive 7 hours EACH WAY every other weekend when I was at State and my now wife was in the midwest winning championships in D1. No cell phone, no GPS, no Sirius...only a boring arse drive through MS/TN/KY. I would've been there every freaking weekend if it was a 9 hour round trip.
Posted by OweO
Plaquemine, La
Member since Sep 2009
119938 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 11:04 pm to
quote:

Hence the reason I'm asking for advice.


If you are not ready then let her go. Stop wasting her time. If she is really the one you wouldn't be questioning this.. There is a reason you don't want to commit. And that's cool.. But just don't waste her time.
Posted by Lester Earl
3rd Ward
Member since Nov 2003
287880 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 11:04 pm to
Do you Not want children ? Is that the hold up here
Posted by SEClint
New Orleans, LA/Portland, OR
Member since Nov 2006
49475 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 11:06 pm to
quote:

First of all this is likely a terrible idea to come here
well you started off wise..
quote:

but I really don't feel "ready" to get married
then most likely you're not, and would feel trapped if so. Which would rust the relationship rapidly.
quote:

I feel bad 
have a talk with her, be honest and if she cares she will listen and try to empathize.
quote:

Any words of wisdom?


Get high and worship satan
Posted by SidewalkTiger
Midwest, USA
Member since Dec 2019
65883 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 11:07 pm to
quote:

You've got to be shitting me. 4.5 hours should give the two of you weekends AT LEAST twice a month. Not hard to leave work Friday and be there by 10...then stay until Sunday afternoon. Take turns a few times a month. 



She still lives with her parents out in the middle of nowhere and I dont wanna wear out my welcome. Hotels arent really an option.

She doesnt like driving long distances alone so she's only been here twice.
This post was edited on 2/29/20 at 11:09 pm
Posted by Lester Earl
3rd Ward
Member since Nov 2003
287880 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 11:07 pm to
quote:

If you are not ready then let her go


Lol why is that your first inclination?


Same with the OP. Why is “break up with her” a choice for someone you say you want to be with?

Tbh it sounds like you don’t like her that much to begin with and are looking for an excuse to end it
Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
52907 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 11:08 pm to
quote:

Was just asking advice of people who'd possibly been in my position before. I've heard people say they lost a girl

If I'd have known about the OT when I was 26 in 2004, I'd have many alters by now due to all of the embarrassing questions I'd have asked this place back then
Posted by StealthCalais11
Lurker since 2007
Member since Aug 2011
12523 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 11:10 pm to
Don’t take advice from Oweo. He’s wheelchair bound, socially inept, and will be alone forever.
Posted by Wallywalrus
Baton rouge, LA
Member since Sep 2017
878 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 11:11 pm to
Dont stay in a relationship for too long, youll regret it. Everything can be perfect but youll always want something new
Posted by SidewalkTiger
Midwest, USA
Member since Dec 2019
65883 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 11:11 pm to
quote:

If I'd have known about the OT when I was 26 in 2004, I'd have many alters by now due to all of the embarrassing questions I'd have asked this place back then 


I just try to learn from other's mistakes and successes as much as possible. If people make fun of me for it, so what?
Posted by pwejr88
Red Stick
Member since Apr 2007
37509 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 11:13 pm to
Why do us guys think we have to make everything so damn complicated?

Your job is simple:

Be honest with her.

Tell her what you said here. God will take care of the rest. Don’t make a big deal out of it. You might wake up one day next week and feel completely different. Maybe not. Who knows.
But just be honest with her (**while showing compassion**) and tell her how you feel.
Posted by Paige
Vice President of the OT
Member since Oct 2010
85617 posts
Posted on 2/29/20 at 11:13 pm to
Definitely

He says he’s asking for advice from people who have been there. I’ve been in his exact shoes, yet he ignores me and talks OWEO
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