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Message
re: Parents, any of your kids have severe anxiety?
Posted on 8/28/24 at 8:48 am to lsuCJ5
Posted on 8/28/24 at 8:48 am to lsuCJ5
quote:
We have her on ADHD medicine and it apparently is not enough.
Adderall, and the like, give people anxiety. It's speed. Are you saying you think amphetamine salts help anxiety?
0
Posted on 8/28/24 at 8:49 am to lsuCJ5
quote:Step 1,, get her off of this shite. Control/cure her ADHD through diet.
We have her on ADHD medicine
I'd be willing to bet the anxiety lessens or corrects itself from there. ADHD medicine is the "easy route" but it is one of the single worst things you can give a kid.
Posted on 8/28/24 at 8:49 am to JasonDBlaha
quote:
Get her a script for Valium or Xanax… that should calm her down
Do not do this. Ever. Horrible, horrible advice.
Geez, this website is scary.
Posted on 8/28/24 at 8:59 am to lsuCJ5
In general, unless a child went through some sort of really extreme trauma while young, I don't buy there are legions of mentally ill 9-11 year olds running around out there. I think society has created this problem with how kids are treated.
Teach your kid good social skills as early as possible and limit their exposure to social media and screen time, about all you can do.
Teach your kid good social skills as early as possible and limit their exposure to social media and screen time, about all you can do.
Posted on 8/28/24 at 9:03 am to lsuCJ5
I'll preface this by saying this route isn't for everyone but you may want to seek out an MNRI specialist in your area. My oldest child has severe ADHD and we wanted to try and delay the medicine as long as possible due to the side effects especially into their teens. We have had a lot of success with MNRI and he is a different child now then he was before we started.
MNRI is not a cure all and doesn't happen magically over night but it does address the root causes of the ADHD and anxiety. Medicine definitely works for a lot of families but it is suppressing the results of issues and not doing anything to "cure" them.
Just a thought for you. We have been in your shoes where you are at a loss for what to do for your child to make it better for them and you. Hang in, you will find a way forward. You are not alone, every child psychologist, pediatrician, and therapist will tell you that the number of kids being affected by anxiety, ADHD, or other sensory issues is skyrocketing. Unfortunately all of those things come out of the child as bad behavior.
Apologies for the wall of text but wanted to share my experience.
MNRI is not a cure all and doesn't happen magically over night but it does address the root causes of the ADHD and anxiety. Medicine definitely works for a lot of families but it is suppressing the results of issues and not doing anything to "cure" them.
Just a thought for you. We have been in your shoes where you are at a loss for what to do for your child to make it better for them and you. Hang in, you will find a way forward. You are not alone, every child psychologist, pediatrician, and therapist will tell you that the number of kids being affected by anxiety, ADHD, or other sensory issues is skyrocketing. Unfortunately all of those things come out of the child as bad behavior.
Apologies for the wall of text but wanted to share my experience.
Posted on 8/28/24 at 9:04 am to StansberryRules
quote:You can easily be proven wrong by simply using animals
In general, unless a child went through some sort of really extreme trauma while young, I don't buy there are legions of mentally ill 9-11 year olds running around out there. I think society has created this problem with how kids are treated.
You can take two puppies from the same litter, neither of which have gone through any trauma, and one will be an anxious mess while the other is completely calm
Not a single person here would try and act like they can perform surgery better than a doctor, but alot of people think they understand the brain, the most complicated part of medicine, better than physicians
This post was edited on 8/28/24 at 9:06 am
Posted on 8/28/24 at 9:05 am to jpainter6174
quote:
What activities does she do? Anything in a group setting or is she always alone in the house watching something by herself.
Thats a great point. I think if kids are on electronics all day and have little social interaction then it's going to be a shock when they go to school. It probably will just take time.
Posted on 8/28/24 at 9:07 am to lsuCJ5
Does she have friends that began middle school with her??
If so, maybe they could help her with the transition.
Good luck. I know that's tough. My son is on the spectrum, but he surprised us on handling school okay. He hated the work of course, but he never refused going or anything which I'm very grateful for.
If so, maybe they could help her with the transition.
Good luck. I know that's tough. My son is on the spectrum, but he surprised us on handling school okay. He hated the work of course, but he never refused going or anything which I'm very grateful for.
Posted on 8/28/24 at 9:10 am to Suntiger
Helicopter parents are destroying this country. This anxiety and depression shite was almost non-existent not long ago. Now it’s all over the place.
Get your kids out the fricking house and out from behind the screen and let them live a little and see the world.
Get your kids out the fricking house and out from behind the screen and let them live a little and see the world.
Posted on 8/28/24 at 9:11 am to StringedInstruments
" don’t tell your kid they have panic attacks and let them internalize that they have panic attacks."
Yep, that self fulfilling prophecy bugaboo….
I was a shy child way back before labels were put on everything. I probably would have been classed "social anxiety disorder" today. I didn’t have meltdowns, I just was socially very reserved. ….worse part was, no one ever let me not be shy. If my family met someone new, i would be introduced as "daeringclem, she’s shy" . If my sister wanted to dance on the tabletop, that barely got a glance, if i wanted to dance on the tabletop the world would come to screeching halt and attention directed towards me, immediately shutting me down. In my parents eyes (especially my mom’s) I was The Shy Child. …..Forever.
Decades later, my sister and I were both in Louisiana to visit our folks. Sis and I went dancing one morning at a zydeco breakfast. On the way home I told sis that mom would freak. Sis didn’t believe it. We got to the house, greeted everyone , and I went to my old room. A few minutes later my sister entered, completely astonished, because as soon as I left the room my mom looked at my sister, and in wonder said “Clem DANCED????" Sis said, “Yeah, and she”s,good at it". I wasn’t, lol, but appreciated the support.
Sis had never realized, until I informed her, with many examples, how my mom never would let me out of that pigeonhole. It took me going off to college and forcing myself to overcome it ( and pot helped, i wasn’t a drinker, so relaxing socially needed a boost that wasn’t coming from booze). Sis and I laugh about it now, because she clearly sees it still happening, now that I’ve pointed it out. Sis was the "wild one" , I was "the smart one", and it has been that way forever in their eyes. Always will be.
I wish that every time I did something "not shy" , everyone would have just ignored it instead of drawing attention to it. OTOH, at least they didn’t try to force me to be outgoing. For me (and I’m only speaking for me). ideally they wouldn’t have pushed me, but also not drawn attention to my small personal attempts to overcome my own reticence.
Parallels to today’s kids and today’s parenting are apples and oranges, so I don’t have advice. Maybe a little. My niece has boy/ girl twins, the boy outgoing , the girl super shy. I saw myself, and I saw them sheltering her and going all praise happy if she so much as said hi to anyone. I told them "I was that kid, and when she does something "normal" treat it like it’s normal!..stop making a production out of every time she does anything . If she wants to dance or sing, don’t go all “LOOK! TWINGIRL IS DANCING"
She has slowly become more social. Also, they put her in a Montessori school and she loves it. (expensive, so not the solution for everyone. Her twin is still in public school, he wanted to stay with his friends).
Of course, my anxiety wasn’t crippling, no meltdowns ever, just a bit shy. Counseling, meds, "tools", and all that was decades in the future (thank goodness). I am sure there are cases that need all the help they can get. Even with ones who need help, I would be very hesitant to put diagnoses and labels on them. “You are _______” puts them in a box they will be in forever. If a shrink says they have "blank”, , maybe use his/her advice, but don’t actually run to the kid and say "you have "blank."
The difference in today’s world and the one I grew up in are unfathomable. Major problems need help, I’m just not so sure what the extent of that should be.
Yep, that self fulfilling prophecy bugaboo….
I was a shy child way back before labels were put on everything. I probably would have been classed "social anxiety disorder" today. I didn’t have meltdowns, I just was socially very reserved. ….worse part was, no one ever let me not be shy. If my family met someone new, i would be introduced as "daeringclem, she’s shy" . If my sister wanted to dance on the tabletop, that barely got a glance, if i wanted to dance on the tabletop the world would come to screeching halt and attention directed towards me, immediately shutting me down. In my parents eyes (especially my mom’s) I was The Shy Child. …..Forever.
Decades later, my sister and I were both in Louisiana to visit our folks. Sis and I went dancing one morning at a zydeco breakfast. On the way home I told sis that mom would freak. Sis didn’t believe it. We got to the house, greeted everyone , and I went to my old room. A few minutes later my sister entered, completely astonished, because as soon as I left the room my mom looked at my sister, and in wonder said “Clem DANCED????" Sis said, “Yeah, and she”s,good at it". I wasn’t, lol, but appreciated the support.
Sis had never realized, until I informed her, with many examples, how my mom never would let me out of that pigeonhole. It took me going off to college and forcing myself to overcome it ( and pot helped, i wasn’t a drinker, so relaxing socially needed a boost that wasn’t coming from booze). Sis and I laugh about it now, because she clearly sees it still happening, now that I’ve pointed it out. Sis was the "wild one" , I was "the smart one", and it has been that way forever in their eyes. Always will be.
I wish that every time I did something "not shy" , everyone would have just ignored it instead of drawing attention to it. OTOH, at least they didn’t try to force me to be outgoing. For me (and I’m only speaking for me). ideally they wouldn’t have pushed me, but also not drawn attention to my small personal attempts to overcome my own reticence.
Parallels to today’s kids and today’s parenting are apples and oranges, so I don’t have advice. Maybe a little. My niece has boy/ girl twins, the boy outgoing , the girl super shy. I saw myself, and I saw them sheltering her and going all praise happy if she so much as said hi to anyone. I told them "I was that kid, and when she does something "normal" treat it like it’s normal!..stop making a production out of every time she does anything . If she wants to dance or sing, don’t go all “LOOK! TWINGIRL IS DANCING"
She has slowly become more social. Also, they put her in a Montessori school and she loves it. (expensive, so not the solution for everyone. Her twin is still in public school, he wanted to stay with his friends).
Of course, my anxiety wasn’t crippling, no meltdowns ever, just a bit shy. Counseling, meds, "tools", and all that was decades in the future (thank goodness). I am sure there are cases that need all the help they can get. Even with ones who need help, I would be very hesitant to put diagnoses and labels on them. “You are _______” puts them in a box they will be in forever. If a shrink says they have "blank”, , maybe use his/her advice, but don’t actually run to the kid and say "you have "blank."
The difference in today’s world and the one I grew up in are unfathomable. Major problems need help, I’m just not so sure what the extent of that should be.
Posted on 8/28/24 at 9:12 am to lsuCJ5
I feel your pain. Dealt with this with my son. It takes regular counseling and the correct meds. Do your research on things you can do at home. Keep your eyes open for what could be triggering this. If she continues to not want to go to school, maybe try home schooling or an online school.
You'll realize just how common these types of situations are these days. We, society, have messed up our kids somehow.
PS - Although it took a while, my son now has his masters degree and is about to get married. Don't quit on them.
You'll realize just how common these types of situations are these days. We, society, have messed up our kids somehow.
PS - Although it took a while, my son now has his masters degree and is about to get married. Don't quit on them.
This post was edited on 8/28/24 at 9:15 am
Posted on 8/28/24 at 9:13 am to lsuCJ5
I have to agree with almost everyone who said to get her off the ADHD meds. My middle son was diagnosed ADHD in 5th grade. We chose not only to not tell him, but to also not medicate him. We had him tested so we could utilize the accommodations if necessary. Like sitting at the front of the class, redirection, extra time, etc. He has always been an A student, but he was moving to a new school and his 4th grade teacher suggested the test. The testing process was impressive because it was based on computer results, not just answered questions from us or the teacher or the Dr. observation.
He has flourished at his middle school. His teachers have commended his ability to be redirected when necessary and he is still a straight A student. Just recently he asked if he was ADHD and I did tell him yes, but that was the end of it. He does have a prescription of amphetamine salts in the cabinet that has never been used. His Dr. said it is best to keep them on hand in case he needs them, but I'd have to bet they are expired by now.
One thing that I find helps my kids is when we get in the car on the way to school, I make them put their phones away and we talk about what is going on that day. They tell me the classes they have, we discuss their homework from the night before and we talk about what we have after school. I feel this allows them to prepare for the day. Then when they are picked up we do it again. They put their phones away and we go through everything that happened at school. I have a 15yr old boy whose friends moms laugh because I know all of the gossip among the boys. Why, because I talk to my child. They think it is crazy that he tells me the things he does, but he knows the drill. Phone away and lets talk.
One other thing that I have instilled in them is that if something bad happens in school, bad grade, got disciplined, someone was mean, etc, tell us right away. My oldest used to get in the car and I could tell something was weighing on him. It would take a couple of hours for him to come clean. "Mom, I made a bad grade," or "Mom, Ms. Somebody punished me for recess." Once I got him to realize that the sooner he shares that burden, the less it will weigh on him and that the consequence is never as bad as what he has built up in his mind, a lot of anxiety will melt away. Am I still upset he made a D on a test, absolutely, but I will be upset whether he tells me right away or I find out a day or two later but he doesn't have to carry that with him for so long. Them realizing this has been a breakthrough for them.
He has flourished at his middle school. His teachers have commended his ability to be redirected when necessary and he is still a straight A student. Just recently he asked if he was ADHD and I did tell him yes, but that was the end of it. He does have a prescription of amphetamine salts in the cabinet that has never been used. His Dr. said it is best to keep them on hand in case he needs them, but I'd have to bet they are expired by now.
One thing that I find helps my kids is when we get in the car on the way to school, I make them put their phones away and we talk about what is going on that day. They tell me the classes they have, we discuss their homework from the night before and we talk about what we have after school. I feel this allows them to prepare for the day. Then when they are picked up we do it again. They put their phones away and we go through everything that happened at school. I have a 15yr old boy whose friends moms laugh because I know all of the gossip among the boys. Why, because I talk to my child. They think it is crazy that he tells me the things he does, but he knows the drill. Phone away and lets talk.
One other thing that I have instilled in them is that if something bad happens in school, bad grade, got disciplined, someone was mean, etc, tell us right away. My oldest used to get in the car and I could tell something was weighing on him. It would take a couple of hours for him to come clean. "Mom, I made a bad grade," or "Mom, Ms. Somebody punished me for recess." Once I got him to realize that the sooner he shares that burden, the less it will weigh on him and that the consequence is never as bad as what he has built up in his mind, a lot of anxiety will melt away. Am I still upset he made a D on a test, absolutely, but I will be upset whether he tells me right away or I find out a day or two later but he doesn't have to carry that with him for so long. Them realizing this has been a breakthrough for them.
Posted on 8/28/24 at 9:14 am to partyboy1930
quote:
This anxiety and depression shite was almost non-existent not long ago. Now it’s all over the place.
I refuse to believe people can actually think this.
This post was edited on 8/28/24 at 9:15 am
Posted on 8/28/24 at 9:23 am to lsuCJ5
quote:
DCtiger1, seriously, frick you.
Firstly, don't feed in to bullshite. There are people here that will genuinely answer and try to help, even if misguided. Don't bother responding to the others.
Secondly, counseling is the first step but have a serious conversation with medical professionals about the ADHD stuff.
My twins were active...overly so at times. Their elementary teacher recommended them to get tested for ADD. We spoke to their pediatrician about it and he said no way. We just fought through that and now they are fine and have never had a med. As a society, we are quick to diagnose.
For you, I think having regular, nightly conversations with about her day and how things made her feel would help. You do not have to have answers. Just listen and let her know you are there and you care. As the father, that will go a long way.
A poster earlier mentioned bullying. You'll need to make sure this isn't happening. Regular conversations should be able to flesh this out even if she doesn't necessarily say it directly.
I think you said she is 11. That's when it kind of started for my daughter too. Encourage her to get involved with smaller school functions...stuff she likes. I know you said she played team sports, but at a young age, some of those things can be toxic. Does she have close friends with things in common? Encourage her to talk to them too. Maybe they are feeling the same way and they can get through it together.
There is no quick fix. My daughter is 15 now. Outgoing, involved with school, and had 3 very close friends in their group. She is thriving and we still have nightly conversations.
Posted on 8/28/24 at 9:26 am to LSUlove
quote:
LSUlove
That's a damn fine post.
Posted on 8/28/24 at 9:36 am to LSUlove
" We chose not only to not tell him, but to also not medicate him."
I am glad your approach is working. It probably would work in many cases.
That being said, you had to put in the effort, not just sweep the dx under the rug and pretend all was fine. Most of what you did is common sense. You didn’t let a diagnosis define him.
Kudos!
I am glad your approach is working. It probably would work in many cases.
That being said, you had to put in the effort, not just sweep the dx under the rug and pretend all was fine. Most of what you did is common sense. You didn’t let a diagnosis define him.
Kudos!
Posted on 8/28/24 at 9:36 am to lsuCJ5
One of my best friends and his wife have a teenage daughter who started school last week as a freshman at the University of Arizona in Tucson and they live in Phoenix (two hours away). I've known the girl since birth and to say she has been coddled by mom (and dad, to a point) is a huge understatement. The bond between mom and daughter is thick and my buddy is very involved but the girl ignores him for mom. Needless to say mom is very permissive and the girl can do no wrong in her eyes. A bunch of us couples would be out for dinner and the girl would call mom, saying she was "sick", which meant she was stressed and wanted her mom to come and she would drop everything and come running.
Two months ago the girl runs a red light and totals out her car and two others while heading home. Luckily no one was hurt badly as there were kids in the other two cars with their parents. The cop on the scene takes my buddy aside and tells him to think long and hard about letting his daughter drive anytime soon. The girl told the cop she was "sick", which is why she ran the light. She then changed it to "food poisoning". The cop informs her that is no reason to ignore traffic laws and she told mom the cop was "mean". My buddy understandably is shook and in his exact words is "horrified".
A couple of weeks ago I'm hanging by their pool and mom and dad are concerned that the daughter is not taking college seriously and instead hangs with her boyfriend- who will be in Phoenix while she's away at school- while mom is out shopping for school stuff and to decorate her dorm room. She told mom, "I don't care what you say, I'm coming back up every weekend". The girl has always been boy-crazy. They took her down for school last Thursday and they stayed the weekend to hold her hand. I told him the other day a bunch of us are going kayaking this weekend and told him he should go. He winces and says "can't, we are in a holding pattern with Taylor and can't go far". They have a tough road ahead of them. I think their thinking was going away to college would force her to be independent but I bet she doesn't last a month.
Two months ago the girl runs a red light and totals out her car and two others while heading home. Luckily no one was hurt badly as there were kids in the other two cars with their parents. The cop on the scene takes my buddy aside and tells him to think long and hard about letting his daughter drive anytime soon. The girl told the cop she was "sick", which is why she ran the light. She then changed it to "food poisoning". The cop informs her that is no reason to ignore traffic laws and she told mom the cop was "mean". My buddy understandably is shook and in his exact words is "horrified".
A couple of weeks ago I'm hanging by their pool and mom and dad are concerned that the daughter is not taking college seriously and instead hangs with her boyfriend- who will be in Phoenix while she's away at school- while mom is out shopping for school stuff and to decorate her dorm room. She told mom, "I don't care what you say, I'm coming back up every weekend". The girl has always been boy-crazy. They took her down for school last Thursday and they stayed the weekend to hold her hand. I told him the other day a bunch of us are going kayaking this weekend and told him he should go. He winces and says "can't, we are in a holding pattern with Taylor and can't go far". They have a tough road ahead of them. I think their thinking was going away to college would force her to be independent but I bet she doesn't last a month.
This post was edited on 8/28/24 at 9:43 am
Posted on 8/28/24 at 9:43 am to StringedInstruments
quote:
For example, don’t tell your kid they have panic attacks and let them internalize that they have panic attacks. They need to learn coping mechanisms without associating them with a disorder, which implies it’s out of their control.
i would give this a thousand upvotes if i could. you can "validate" their emotions without groveling in it with them - something like "that must feel scary, but let's talk about what is going on and how we can handle it to make you feel better". my daughter comes home from school somedays talking about how stressed out she is and how much anxiety she has about...well, nothing really. a book report due in a month, or whatever. my wife's very first instinct is to basically tell her "oh i totall get it" or "oh yeah i totally understand, i was just that way as a kid and school was so stressful" etc etc etc, which just completely confirms for my young daughter that everything IS stressful and the world IS scary and overwhelming.
yeah, well my wife also has near debilitating anxiety, as does her mom, and it's like she's speaking it into existence in my daughter. it drives me nuts. i'm determined to break this pattern with my kids.
Posted on 8/28/24 at 9:43 am to el Gaucho
quote:you coulda tied me to a post like an African slave and beat me and I wasn’t sitting in school. My parents prob had overuse injuries prior to realizing it had no benefit. Science did actually work.
Back in the day us boomers had a treatment for anxiety called “belt”.
Posted on 8/28/24 at 9:49 am to tigerfoot
quote:
quote:
Back in the day us boomers had a treatment for anxiety called “belt”.
you coulda tied me to a post like an African slave and beat me and I wasn’t sitting in school. My parents prob had overuse injuries prior to realizing it had no benefit. Science did actually work.
Just to be clear, gaucho is a troll. Probably one of the best here.
But, this just isn't a "belt" situation.
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