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re: Overstepping My Bounds?
Posted on 10/22/14 at 9:16 pm to FootballNostradamus
Posted on 10/22/14 at 9:16 pm to FootballNostradamus
quote:In time, that'll change.
Everyone in the household but the sister is beyond solid. The mom is a saint, the gf is unreal,
Posted on 10/22/14 at 9:17 pm to foj1981
quote:
Don't listen to the arse hats that say dump your girlfriend. Step up and try to give these kids some guidance. They didn't choose to be be in this situation. Your help may change their lives forever. Don't know unless you try. You're a good man for even considering this. Hats off to you sir and best of luck to you and these children.
Yea I'm just hoping to help the little dude. I've been dating this girl for years and really like these kids. I feel like their uncle already, and it just kills you the way they light up to have someone throw the baseball with them or shoot some hoops.
Last Christmas their dad sent them some absurd basketball goal and they were all excited but at the same time upset because usually they have to wait for one of their neighbors to get around to setting it up. I set it up that night and you woulda thought I built them an NBA arena when they woke up. They just lost it.
The grandma does a helluva job, and I don't want this shmuko to mess that up. It will also ruin her if he leaves as she's basically raised him as her own.
Posted on 10/22/14 at 9:18 pm to FootballNostradamus
quote:What exactly are you contemplating speaking to him about?
1. Whether I should say something at all as I'm not an actual member of the family (although my girlfriend and I live together, have been dating for years, and are well on that track).
2. Whether the timing is right, I don't want to ruin Christmas, but I don't know when else I can talk to him.
Posted on 10/22/14 at 9:19 pm to funnystuff
quote:
Tough situation. Question I have is, suppose he decided he wanted to live with the dad: would the dad accept that? I guess I see it as a long shot that a POS who avoided his kid for his entire life would suddenly allow a teenager he barely knows to infiltrate his life; cramp his style, so to speak
Do y'all know for sure that the dad would even accept the kid choosing him? Because your conundrum might very well may be irrelevant.
Although that would raise an altogether different, necessary discussion to make sure this kid doesn't feel discarded
EDIT: Either way, before you do anything, you talk to the gf about it. If she feels a talk with the kid would be beneficial, then you can consider going for it. But you don't make this decision yourself.
No I guess we don't know for sure if he would. I assume no one would turn down their own kid, but I guess there's a chance he would. This is something I'd also like to avoid if possible. I can't imagine what knowing your dad said no to you would do to a kid.
And yea I'll definitely talk to the gf about it first. I'm not that crazy haha.
Posted on 10/22/14 at 9:21 pm to FootballNostradamus
quote:Happens all the time.
I assume no one would turn down their own kid, but I guess there's a chance he would.
Posted on 10/22/14 at 9:26 pm to FootballNostradamus
Normally, I would tell you to mind your own business. However, it depends on your relationship with him. My nephew was always comfortable talking to me about things he wouldn't discuss with his own parents. It drove my husband crazy bc he thought it wasn't my place to have some of those discussions but I'd already talked to my sister & brother in law and both were happy he had someone he felt comfortable talking to.
If he looks up to you & your gf is ok with it, open the door to conversation. I'd just ask him if he'd considered making a choice when he is able to and what he was thinking. Then just ask him questions about things he should consider. I'm sure you know to never just tell a teen he shouldn't do something if he has his heart set on it. Better to get him thinking things through the right path and help him to make the right decision on his own.
If he looks up to you & your gf is ok with it, open the door to conversation. I'd just ask him if he'd considered making a choice when he is able to and what he was thinking. Then just ask him questions about things he should consider. I'm sure you know to never just tell a teen he shouldn't do something if he has his heart set on it. Better to get him thinking things through the right path and help him to make the right decision on his own.
Posted on 10/22/14 at 9:35 pm to FootballNostradamus
I get the feeling that the boy's dad is happy just throwing some cash his way...but I really doubt that he would want to deal with the real trials of parenting...I think that even if the boy did move in with his dad, it wouldn't last long and he would be back...
that said, do you think that what you say will really make a difference?...
that said, do you think that what you say will really make a difference?...
Posted on 10/22/14 at 9:35 pm to LSUGrrrl
Not sure how close (distance) you are to the kid, but I'd consider doing it at another time other than Christmas. Pick up him and go out for pizz or some shite on a random night. Not have a heavy life changing discussion before opening up presents
Posted on 10/22/14 at 9:36 pm to FootballNostradamus
Have you talked with the dad? I obviously don't know how your particular situation compares/contrasts with other deadbeat fathers, but it's usually a pretty safe bet that if a parent wants nothing to do with raising the kid when he's a baby/child, he likely won't want to be responsible for the kid as a teenager. It's also possible that he doesn't even realize this situation is coming up, as parents who sees their children only twice a year don't usually have the best grasp of the difficult decisions their children are faced with.
So if you were to make him aware of the impending decision to be made, and you were able to convince this man that his life would be better off without the kid constantly being in it (likely not difficult to do with a good plan going in, given the very limited information I have), he will likely be all to eager to help you convince the kid the stay with grandma.
But if you chose to go this route, you may consider speaking to a family therapist about the best way to have this discussion with him. Last thing you would want would be to "offend" the dad in this discussion and actually push him to have a desire to take the kid, even if only out of spite.
That said, I honestly think this would be a non-issue. People aren't quick to fundamentally change their lives for the sake of someone they have only been seeing a couple times a year for more than a decade.
So if you were to make him aware of the impending decision to be made, and you were able to convince this man that his life would be better off without the kid constantly being in it (likely not difficult to do with a good plan going in, given the very limited information I have), he will likely be all to eager to help you convince the kid the stay with grandma.
But if you chose to go this route, you may consider speaking to a family therapist about the best way to have this discussion with him. Last thing you would want would be to "offend" the dad in this discussion and actually push him to have a desire to take the kid, even if only out of spite.
That said, I honestly think this would be a non-issue. People aren't quick to fundamentally change their lives for the sake of someone they have only been seeing a couple times a year for more than a decade.
Posted on 10/22/14 at 9:40 pm to FootballNostradamus
quote:
my girlfriend
You're not the kid's parent and, as of now, just another male drifting in and out of his life.
Leave it to the kid's family.
Posted on 10/22/14 at 9:48 pm to FootballNostradamus
Go on "vacation" for a few days. Go see the dad. Make him "disappear" for good.
Problem solved. Society is better off, the kids are better off, and you don't overstep your bounds. Win win.
Problem solved. Society is better off, the kids are better off, and you don't overstep your bounds. Win win.
Posted on 10/22/14 at 10:05 pm to FootballNostradamus
quote:
Overstepping My Bounds?
You should be asking your gf and her mother what they think. It is their family.
Posted on 10/22/14 at 10:26 pm to DWaginHTown
Instead of a "don't you leave" why not shoot for a "it's great having you around and I really like spending time with you and your family" angle?
Instead of muddying up the dads lawn, focus on making grandmas side of the fence look greener
Instead of muddying up the dads lawn, focus on making grandmas side of the fence look greener
Posted on 10/22/14 at 10:29 pm to FootballNostradamus
I love reading threads like this
Makes me feel a lot better about my life
Makes me feel a lot better about my life
Posted on 10/22/14 at 10:32 pm to NoSaint
quote:
Instead of a "don't you leave" why not shoot for a "it's great having you around and I really like spending time with you and your family" angle? Instead of muddying up the dads lawn, focus on making grandmas side of the fence look greener
very good point...
Posted on 10/22/14 at 10:41 pm to FootballNostradamus
Pics of gf's sister?
Posted on 10/22/14 at 11:23 pm to FootballNostradamus
Explain to him the benefits of living with his grandmother through his high school years. Staying out late and banging hoes like his mom.
If all else fails, tell him about the python invasion in Florida.
If all else fails, tell him about the python invasion in Florida.
Posted on 10/22/14 at 11:40 pm to FootballNostradamus
I would talk to your girl first, if she says it's ok with her then talk to grandma. If you think the mom may be a factor you could discuss it with her as well unless she's truly a deadbeat.
Then casually ask him if he wants to talk about it blah blah, your door is always open and talk up how good he has it here.
If you talk shite about the dad, he will shut down.
Then casually ask him if he wants to talk about it blah blah, your door is always open and talk up how good he has it here.
If you talk shite about the dad, he will shut down.
Posted on 10/22/14 at 11:44 pm to FootballNostradamus
Please invite me to your wedding so I can be at that reception.
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