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1
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:05 am to lsunurse
this sounds like the type of story that ends with her having an affair and then saying he "doesn't make her feel wanted anymore"
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:06 am to Hog on the Hill
quote:
You two need to go to therapy, and not just as couples. Go to therapy individually because it sounds like you have communication issues. And while it sounds like she's the one being unrealistic about how much sex you're having, you probably need therapy too.
Been there, done that.
From what I've read from the guy, it seems like it's more him than her.
He doesn't initiate it because he "senses" she doesn't want it. Then instead of discussing how he wants more sex or just wants sex, it turns more forensic. Why haven't we been having sex? It's hard to respond to her answer "We have been having sex." It's two incommensurable points of conversation.
Until he realizes that he needs to pursue sex and have her be confronted with turning him down all the time, then there's nothing really to say about her. Working moms aren't going to doll up and play porno-actress for their husbands very often. Probably not at all if he's not doing shite to make her feel like getting in the mood ever.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:06 am to Iron Lion
He should get her the 50 Shades of Grey series and see if that resonates with her. Could take his fun in a whole different direction.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:07 am to Spilled Milk
Fortunately, my wife and I have only had "lags" in our sex life after each of our 4 kids.
At first, it's medical, then it's because she's exhausted or I am. But we generally get back into our 3 times a week pattern within a few months.
ONE THING I CAN TELL YOU after having 4 kids and being married for 11yrs, is that NOT having sex will become your main barrier to having sex.
In other words, the time since your last session will become a rift between you and make initiation more awkward. And this will lead to more hesitation and less sex.
You just have to work to get past your current barrier.
At first, it's medical, then it's because she's exhausted or I am. But we generally get back into our 3 times a week pattern within a few months.
ONE THING I CAN TELL YOU after having 4 kids and being married for 11yrs, is that NOT having sex will become your main barrier to having sex.
In other words, the time since your last session will become a rift between you and make initiation more awkward. And this will lead to more hesitation and less sex.
You just have to work to get past your current barrier.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:07 am to Spilled Milk
Twice a week on average. Married almost 8 years and we have a 4 and 1 year old
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:07 am to lsunurse
quote:
What part of "his own hands" did you not grasp?
when i take the law 'into my own hands' other people get hurt
This post was edited on 2/22/16 at 10:08 am
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:07 am to Displaced
quote:
this sounds like the type of story that ends with her having an affair and then saying he "doesn't make her feel wanted anymore"
Possibly, but I think his wife knows she can use him as a doormat and he won't do anything about it.... He's still going to cook, clean, etc and is easily deterred when sex is mentioned.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:08 am to N2cars
quote:
I would have ghosted long ago.
Amen... Either that, or she would have heard an earful a LONG time ago!!!
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:10 am to CAD703X
quote:
when i take the law 'into my own hands' people get hurt
Don't frick with a married man, then.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:15 am to Spilled Milk
quote:
I've been married 6+ years...we average sex once every 4-6 weeks. There are a couple of times during the year we may have sex twice in the same week, but I'd say on average it's every 4-6 weeks.
This is scary to think about. I have to imagine yall were doing it a regular amount at the start and have winded down over the years a lot.
Was it like this from the very beginning, or has it winded down? was it ever 2-3 a week, or never more than once a week? Big factor here, be honest
Is she ever in pain during sex? Do either of you have significant health problems?
What is her daily life like? Does she work? If so, is it high stress for her (stress is relative for people)?
Do yall ever do anything fun that doesnt involve sex or kids? do you take her to dinner and movies, go to sports games or music events together? Vacations with just the two of you? Is she having fun when yall do these things, or is she just going through the motions (like in sex)?
Does she feel sad or depressed or express those emotions to you on a regular basis (more days than not)?
Do yall talk to each other regularly about more than just coordinating kids and chores? do yall sit down and talk about your days at work?
And do any of those questions apply to you? health, happiness outside of sex, abnormal stress, etc
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:19 am to Rouge
The biggest thing is that you and your wife are on the same page from Day 1.
If everybody is happy w/ settling for 3X a week or whatever, then fine.
I can't help but think that it is usually the woman who "gets tired of it" for whatever reason and the man tolerates it.
For awhile...
Then pretty soon, he's off and looking.
If everybody is happy w/ settling for 3X a week or whatever, then fine.
I can't help but think that it is usually the woman who "gets tired of it" for whatever reason and the man tolerates it.
For awhile...
Then pretty soon, he's off and looking.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:21 am to N2cars
quote:
I can't help but think that it is usually the woman who "gets tired of it" for whatever reason and the man tolerates it.
well if the OP would brush the skoal off his teeth or clean the dingleberries off his arse prior to sexy time she might be more inclined.
This post was edited on 2/22/16 at 10:22 am
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:22 am to N2cars
quote:
I can't help but think that it is usually the woman who "gets tired of it" for whatever reason and the man tolerates it.
OP doesn't even try, and OT is still blaming the wife.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:23 am to LNCHBOX
quote:
OT is still blaming the wife
i didnt in the post right above yours
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:25 am to CAD703X
quote:
i didnt in the post right above yours
Did I quote you?
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:25 am to LNCHBOX
quote:
OT is still blaming the wife.
I was actually going by more of what I've heard from others, but yeah, we're pretty quick to lay blame on her.
OP might be 300# and have a hygiene problem for AIK.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:26 am to LNCHBOX
quote:i'm not an OTer?
Did I quote you?
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:27 am to N2cars
quote:
OP might be 300# and have a hygiene problem for AIK.
I don't even care about any of this. OP says he doesn't even try to initiate that often because he can "sense" when she doesn't want it, but she also never turns him down. It seems like the simple solution is to initiate it more if he wants it more. He's the limiting reagent if you will.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 10:27 am to CAD703X
quote:
i'm not an OTer?
This is stupid, even for you.
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