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Posted on 8/9/18 at 10:24 am to StupidBinder
quote:
I don’t want to get all in your business (actually, yes I do), but based on the bolded part above, this sounds salvageable IMO. Have y’all tried counseling? Like others have said, sometimes it takes a few tries (it took two for us, with two different counselors). Divorce might look like an escape hatch but it’s almost never easy and often it’s pretty damn miserable. Not saying that fixing a broken marriage is easy, but it’s definitly worth a shot.
I’m not married and have never been married so what do I know, but this sounds reasonable and well thought out.
We have way too high of a divorce rate in this country, it could stem from people’s expectations going into it I guess. There’s going to be good times and there’s going to be bad times, but don’t forget on your wedding day you made a vow that through better or worse you would cleave to this woman. Marriage is work, I assume that the OP knows that. Don’t be another statistic, don’t bail out at the first trouble spot
Posted on 8/9/18 at 10:24 am to Collegedropout
quote:
Start going to church and trying to meet people.
I was catechized and confirmed in the American Orthodox Church last year.
quote:
Try to find deeper meaning in life than drugs.
Oh, I am. Honestly, it's just meaningful romantic interaction that I'm struggling with now. I had to break up with a GF of 18 months earlier this year because she went to Columbia and I have no interest in being in NYC, even though I initially thought I could do it. So back to going through a bunch of undergrads until I find one I like. I know I ought to do better by them but I can't help myself sometimes. My confessions aren't pleasant.
Posted on 8/9/18 at 10:25 am to BoogaBear
quote:
Worked for us, we thought we just weren't in love anymore, nope we just had no literal idea how to have a healthy relationship.
It’s crazy that this is 100% a thing (having no idea how to have a healthy relationship). It’s almost down to a checklist or a mathematical equation to identify and improve, assuming both people are at least somewhat rational and there is some glimmer of bond.
Posted on 8/9/18 at 10:26 am to lowhound
Shovel or Alligator Bayou
Posted on 8/9/18 at 10:26 am to baldona
Greek life just makes things worse. The whole point is basically to drink and frick. Not much escaping it unless you just spend all of your time with your girlfriend. I wish I could see what frat life was like back in the day. The degeneration of our society has affected not only the poors but the rich too
Posted on 8/9/18 at 10:28 am to Collegedropout
quote:
I don’t know many girls older than 21 that aren’t family. My story was regarding generation z girls. Honestly, millennials might be even worse than my generation
Almost 80% of my high school friends are on Marriage #2. I graduated in 2004.
Posted on 8/9/18 at 10:29 am to 50_Tiger
That’s sad as frick.
Posted on 8/9/18 at 10:31 am to TigerFanInSouthland
quote:
I’m not married and have never been married so what do I know, but this sounds reasonable and well thought out. We have way too high of a divorce rate in this country, it could stem from people’s expectations going into it I guess. There’s going to be good times and there’s going to be bad times, but don’t forget on your wedding day you made a vow that through better or worse you would cleave to this woman. Marriage is work, I assume that the OP knows that. Don’t be another statistic, don’t bail out at the first trouble spot
I wish I could up-vote you more than once. One of our society's many problems with matrimony is that so many of us have bought into the fairy tales of yore, and the fairy tales of the present age (TV and movies) and expect a "soul mate" the "tingle." All of that is well and good, but it's infatuation, novelty all based on hormones and emotion. Emotion is so unstable and we expect miracles from each other. Humans can't sustain emotions, well, save maybe for hardcore grudges. Otherwise, the emotions ebb and we're left with reality; and that reality runs so counter to our societal narcissism over the last 60 years, the "me generation" and the continued entitlement mentality.
Marriage is supposed to be 100% gift of self to the other. Anything less and the relationship will need work. Expecting 100% from your spouse but not doing the same for them and the relationship will need work along with some attitude adjustments.
It's kind of sad, really.
HempHead, good for you, mate, it's always gratifying to see the prodigal come home.
Posted on 8/9/18 at 10:31 am to HempHead
Sounds like things aren’t too bad then. Keep pushing my snow ninja
Posted on 8/9/18 at 10:32 am to Collegedropout
quote:
That’s sad as frick.
Yep! I don't feel bad at all for being 32 and not married.
The GF and I are def on a go with the flow type business when it comes to that. It will happen when its meant to.
Posted on 8/9/18 at 10:33 am to Collegedropout
quote:
Sounds like things aren’t too bad then. Keep pushing my snow ninja
Funnily enough, regarding the intent of the OP, I'm planning to open up a divorce practice when I am finished next year.
ETA: May go for an LLM to prevent the other kind of rape but I am undecided.
This post was edited on 8/9/18 at 10:34 am
Posted on 8/9/18 at 10:34 am to Havoc
quote:
It’s crazy that this is 100% a thing (having no idea how to have a healthy relationship). It’s almost down to a checklist or a mathematical equation to identify and improve, assuming both people are at least somewhat rational and there is some glimmer of bond.
Exactly, it's pretty easy if you don't have a house, kids, etc. Stress basically. But when life hits, it takes work and effort and 99% don't know how to put in effort. They either stay miserable, or take the easy road and get a divorce. The issue with the latter is they did not fix anything, they will go and do the same exact song and dance with the next person having no clue what they are doing wrong.
My marriage almost ending was the best thing that happened to my marriage. The willingness to fight for it and not take the easy route is something I'm proud of myself and my wife for. Now that we sort of know what the hell we're doing with our relationship it's crazy how easy it is.
Posted on 8/9/18 at 10:35 am to 50_Tiger
Posted on 8/9/18 at 10:35 am to lowhound
Best decision I ever made was my divorce
Posted on 8/9/18 at 10:36 am to HempHead
Didn’t know you were in law school. Where do you plan to open your practice? Same area you grew up?
Posted on 8/9/18 at 10:38 am to Collegedropout
quote:
Didn’t know you were in law school. Where do you plan to open your practice? Same area you grew up?
Either there or in Birmingham. Not to get in to detail, but I have to finish my JD in order to get certain things. Would have happily continued to farm in WNC otherwise.
Posted on 8/9/18 at 10:40 am to Mr Wonderful
quote:
I see more and more women that seem to marry below their attractiveness range.What’s the explanation here?
Posted on 8/9/18 at 10:42 am to Collegedropout
Hahaha I dont think the GF wants 6 kids
I dont want 6 kids!
As far as the other post about putting in work when life hits. Man I tell you what, relationships take work! Even more as you get older. People get set in their ways and have to reprogram themselves for another person. I speak from experience. My GF still gives me shite til this day about how much of a dick head I was to her initially. I didn't realize what I had in front of me and was stuck in Neutral. She finally put her foot down one day and I have no idea what button she hit but man I don't think I ever stopped so fast in my tracks to keep the boat afloat per say.
She hates compliments, but I tell her from time to time how grateful I am about that day!
I dont want 6 kids!
As far as the other post about putting in work when life hits. Man I tell you what, relationships take work! Even more as you get older. People get set in their ways and have to reprogram themselves for another person. I speak from experience. My GF still gives me shite til this day about how much of a dick head I was to her initially. I didn't realize what I had in front of me and was stuck in Neutral. She finally put her foot down one day and I have no idea what button she hit but man I don't think I ever stopped so fast in my tracks to keep the boat afloat per say.
She hates compliments, but I tell her from time to time how grateful I am about that day!
Posted on 8/9/18 at 11:12 am to lowhound
yall should look into dating and marrying Asian women
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