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re: Joke thread: what are your best ones?
Posted on 11/14/14 at 5:29 pm to Jim Rockford
Posted on 11/14/14 at 5:29 pm to Jim Rockford
What's green and smells like pork?
Kermit's finger
Kermit's finger
0
Posted on 11/14/14 at 5:33 pm to fr33manator
What did one tampon say to the other?
Nothing, they're both stuck up bitches
Nothing, they're both stuck up bitches
Posted on 11/14/14 at 5:38 pm to TigerFred
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
Aids
What's the difference between a jew and a canoe?
A canoe will eventually tip
Aids
What's the difference between a jew and a canoe?
A canoe will eventually tip
Posted on 11/14/14 at 5:49 pm to OnCampusTiger
3 of the world's smallest midgets live together. One day one of the midgets walks in all excited, waving a certificate from Guiness Book.
"Look at me guys, I officially have the shortest arms in the world!"
The other two looked on jealously, thinking that they should have world records too.
The next day the second midget comes in waving a certificate, "look at me, shortest legs in the world!"
On the third day the final midget comes home very excited holding an envelope from Guiness Book. Ready to brag he exclaims that he must have the world's smallest penis. He opens the envelope, surprisingly shouts, "who in the frick is (insert friend you're telling joke to's name here)?!"
"Look at me guys, I officially have the shortest arms in the world!"
The other two looked on jealously, thinking that they should have world records too.
The next day the second midget comes in waving a certificate, "look at me, shortest legs in the world!"
On the third day the final midget comes home very excited holding an envelope from Guiness Book. Ready to brag he exclaims that he must have the world's smallest penis. He opens the envelope, surprisingly shouts, "who in the frick is (insert friend you're telling joke to's name here)?!"
Posted on 11/14/14 at 5:55 pm to OnCampusTiger
quote:
What's the difference between a jew and a canoe? A canoe will eventually tip
This Joke could easily be changed
Posted on 11/14/14 at 5:57 pm to fr33manator
a grasshopper walks into the bar then goes up to the bartender to order a drink. the bartender says hey we have a drink named after you. The grasshopper says you have a drink named Steve?
Posted on 11/14/14 at 5:59 pm to OnCampusTiger
quote:
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
Aids
Lololol
Posted on 11/14/14 at 6:04 pm to fr33manator
quote:
Joke thread: what are your best ones?
Posted on 11/14/14 at 6:11 pm to HailHailtoMichigan!
What do you call 1,000 lesbians with assault rifles?
Militia Etheridge
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
DUNG!
Militia Etheridge
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
DUNG!
This post was edited on 11/14/14 at 6:12 pm
Posted on 11/14/14 at 7:24 pm to fr33manator
Guy walks up to a bar and orders six shots of tequila. Bartender pours them and the guy drinks them, one after the other in rapid succession. The bartender is curious and asks, "what's with all the tequila?"
Guy responds, "today was my first blowjob."
Barkeep fires back, "congratulations! This is cause for celebration, next drink's on the house!"
Guy says, " thanks but if the first six shots won't get the taste out my mouth, I don't think another will help either."
Guy responds, "today was my first blowjob."
Barkeep fires back, "congratulations! This is cause for celebration, next drink's on the house!"
Guy says, " thanks but if the first six shots won't get the taste out my mouth, I don't think another will help either."
Posted on 11/14/14 at 7:29 pm to LT
A man goes to the doctor for a physical.
The doctor tells him, "You have to stop masturbating."
The man says, "Why?"
The doctor says, "Because I'm trying to give you a physical."
The doctor tells him, "You have to stop masturbating."
The man says, "Why?"
The doctor says, "Because I'm trying to give you a physical."
Posted on 11/14/14 at 7:34 pm to TigerFred
quote:
alter boy
altar
Posted on 11/14/14 at 8:28 pm to WreckinRams05
quote:
What did one tampon say to the other?
Nothing, they're both stuck up bitches
Posted on 11/14/14 at 8:47 pm to theantiquetiger
A girl sits next to a guy at a bar who is constantly looking at his new watch. The girl gets curious and asks, "Why do you keep looking at your watch?" The guy responds "I just got this watch, it's psychic." The girl says "Psychic? What do you mean?" He says "Well for example, it's telling me you're not wearing underwear." The girl says "Well I hate to prove your watch wrong but I am in fact wearing underwear." The guy then says "Damn thing must be an hour fast."
Posted on 11/14/14 at 8:50 pm to OnCampusTiger
quote:
What's the difference between a jew and a canoe?
A canoe will eventually tip
Unless the canoe is black.
Posted on 11/14/14 at 8:54 pm to Cdawg
Priest and a rabbi are walking down the sidewalk and see some underwear on the ground.
Rabbi says, "Look! Little girl underwear!"
Priest picks it up and gives it a good huff.
Then he says, "Nah....Little boy, 8 years old."
Rabbi says, "Look! Little girl underwear!"
Priest picks it up and gives it a good huff.
Then he says, "Nah....Little boy, 8 years old."
Posted on 11/14/14 at 8:58 pm to BRgetthenet
A priest is takes his car to a local garage to get the tires rotated and tells the mechanic to make sure he snugs the lug nuts down really tight.
When the job is done the priest again inquires about the lug nuts being tight enough.
With a wink the mechanic replies, "They're tighter than a nun's crotch."
The priest says, "Better give 'em another turn."
When the job is done the priest again inquires about the lug nuts being tight enough.
With a wink the mechanic replies, "They're tighter than a nun's crotch."
The priest says, "Better give 'em another turn."
Posted on 11/14/14 at 9:02 pm to theantiquetiger
Asian man is having trouble seeing so he goes to the eye doctor.
Doctor tells him he has a cataract.
Asian replies no I drive a Lincoln
Doctor tells him he has a cataract.
Asian replies no I drive a Lincoln
Posted on 11/14/14 at 9:04 pm to fightin tigers
What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a hooker with diarrhea?
One shucks between fits
One shucks between fits
Posted on 11/14/14 at 9:07 pm to Bushmaster
Along those lines; What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a women's track team?
The pygmies are cunning runts.
The pygmies are cunning runts.
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