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Posted on 12/10/25 at 10:49 am to MWP
quote:
Their friends that either couldn't have kids or just said no are coming to the realization that they really don't have anyone to depend on. Not saying this needs to be a factor in deciding to have kids since even kids abandon their parents but it is something to consider.
This one comes up alot in some form for us. People hit us with the "who will you have when you're old" type of line pretty frequently but I've always felt that's flawed thinking. I know a ton of people who had kids and they have basically no relationship with them now, sometimes because the parents sucked and other times because the kid was a lemon. Just because you have kids doesn't mean that will be a healthy relationship when you're old. Nursing homes are filled with elderly parents with kids that don't give a damn about them and never visit.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 10:50 am to Deuces
Absolutely, don't be so selfish. Creation is a gift from God.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 10:51 am to Deuces
When kids grow up and make bad decisions, you hurt for them, but when they grow up and are making wise, smart decisions, you know it's because you spent the time to teach them what to trust, what to be skeptical of and how to manage finances. The pride you and your spouse feel is something that can't be measured but it overfills a room.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 10:57 am to JiminyCricket
quote:
This one comes up alot in some form for us. People hit us with the "who will you have when you're old" type of line pretty frequently but I've always felt that's flawed thinking. I know a ton of people who had kids and they have basically no relationship with them now, sometimes because the parents sucked and other times because the kid was a lemon. Just because you have kids doesn't mean that will be a healthy relationship when you're old. Nursing homes are filled with elderly parents with kids that don't give a damn about them and never visit.
Also, if you have good careers and you've saved/invested right throughout your life, you can move into a higher end senior facility while you still have your wits about you.
My home is 3-story, so I already tentatively plan to be in St. James Place at an earlier age. Honestly, it sounds fun. Place looks like being in an elderly person sorority
Several elderly people in my neighborhood lived to quite an old age and had a full time caregiver that wasn't family. Obviously only some people can afford to do this, but there are options beyond relying on children if you're able to.
This post was edited on 12/10/25 at 10:59 am
Posted on 12/10/25 at 10:58 am to JiminyCricket
quote:
This one comes up alot in some form for us. People hit us with the "who will you have when you're old" type of line pretty frequently but I've always felt that's flawed thinking. I know a ton of people who had kids and they have basically no relationship with them now, sometimes because the parents sucked and other times because the kid was a lemon. Just because you have kids doesn't mean that will be a healthy relationship when you're old. Nursing homes are filled with elderly parents with kids that don't give a damn about them and never visit.
I've always thought it was kind of weird too. Maybe it's a way to make a self-focused argument directed at people perceived to be self-centered, but it seemed lame to me.
For me, it's more like "what will Christmas morning look like at 40/45/etc. without kids?" or "what will our beach vacations look like if they never have little kids in them?"
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:00 am to LBro337
quote:
My boys bring so much joy and happiness into my wife and I's life. My oldest, nearly 2, is my absolute best friend and I cant wait to watch him grow up.
And as someone older with adult kids in their 30s, having great relationships with them and watching their successes, them building families of their own, having grandchildren, is so satisfying. Just the pure joy that grandchildren bring is worth everything. Even watching your adult kids just strike out on their own and learn all the same stuff you went thru is wonderful. They sometimes ask your help and sometimes not, and sometimes you bite your tongue, but it's just the best.
My favorite times were deep in the heart of it when you're so busy taking them to this practice, that game, some event at church or school, hanging out with their other parents...these are the best times and just add a whole other set of relationships and friendships that can last on thru the years. Of course, it's hard and you're exhausted, but it's the best!
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:02 am to Deuces
Best thing I've ever contributed to the world. I could not imagine my life without my kids
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:02 am to Deuces
Yes, and they have an absolutely wonderful mother. If I had to raise my boys on my own, I'd really worry about them.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:03 am to LouisianaLady
quote:
Also, if you have good careers and you've saved/invested right throughout your life, you can move into a higher end senior facility while you still have your wits about you.
My home is 3-story, so I already tentatively plan to be in St. James Place at an earlier age. Honestly, it sounds fun. Place looks like being in an elderly person sorority
Several elderly people in my neighborhood lived to quite an old age and had a full time caregiver that wasn't family. Obviously only some people can afford to do this, but there are options beyond relying on children if you're able to.
Yep. And especially if you are financially well off, many times the shitehead kids are just waiting for you to die so they can get their inheritance. I just never loved the "have kids so you're not lonely one day" argument.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:05 am to Pettifogger
quote:
I've always thought it was kind of weird too. Maybe it's a way to make a self-focused argument directed at people perceived to be self-centered, but it seemed lame to me.
For me, it's more like "what will Christmas morning look like at 40/45/etc. without kids?" or "what will our beach vacations look like if they never have little kids in them?"
For sure. To me, it just comes across kind of elitist in a way. Especially for me and my wife who may never medically be able to have kids, do our lives not matter as much? Are we less significant as people because reproduction wasn't in our cards?
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:06 am to Pettifogger
quote:
For me, it's more like "what will Christmas morning look like at 40/45/etc. without kids?" or "what will our beach vacations look like if they never have little kids in them?"
I get it, but truly.. different strokes.
My husband is on-call during Christmas every year anyway, but it is slow and he's usually home. Christmas morning, we wake up and I make a big late breakfast spread (we don't normally eat breakfast in regular life). Boudin balls, sausage balls, homemade pancakes, eggs, bacon, etc. Sometimes my best friend who also does not have kids comes to join, and we fix mimosas and hang out.
Watch Christmas movies, light the fireplace if it's cold, and relax all day.
For dinner, we go all out. Last year, we had Chicken Marsala Coq au Vin (a mashup between the two), Roasted Garlic Boursin Mashed Potatoes, Roasted Broccoli, and fresh rolls. We ate in the dining room upstairs candlelit on our wedding china where we have our 2nd Christmas tree lit up and jazzy Christmas music playing.
No doubt we'd enjoy the traditional kids version of Christmas Day had kids made their way into our life, but it's a bit off base the assumption that people have nothing without that.
EDIT: And I do think some of the language around having kids vs. not having kids is unnecessarily harsh for people in the position like the above where they wanted them and medically could not. Especially when people are bringing God into it and calling you sinners.
I know that they likely would see inability as an exception, but they sure as shite don't say it.
If I desperately wanted kids, that would break my heart to constantly see. Even without medical issues, what about people whose marriages failed by no fault of their own who never met someone else to marry? Or who just never met someone at all in general that was leading to marriage? What about people with serious hereditary illnesses in their genepool? Just so many situations people don't consider.This post was edited on 12/10/25 at 11:10 am
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:08 am to JiminyCricket
quote:
For me, it's more like "what will Christmas morning look like at 40/45/etc. without kids?" or "what will our beach vacations look like if they never have little kids in them?"
our christmas mornings and beach vacations are fricking awesome
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:08 am to Deuces
It is a horrible financial decision and its the hardest job anyone can do which is never ending. The reward for the money and stress is a person who you might not be friends with if you weren't kin and there will certainly be times when you will want to strangle them and they will want to strangle you. SO is it worth it? Yes, without any question....if YOU are the right person to be a parent. A child has no job to do anything, you created the kid, it is your job to teach and nurture and reward and punish and all manner of shite. When it is done to the utmost of your ability and you see them emerging as decent human beings and contributing to society it is the most rewarding thing a person can experience.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:09 am to LaLadyinTx
quote:
And as someone older with adult kids in their 30s, having great relationships with them and watching their successes, them building families of their own, having grandchildren, is so satisfying. Just the pure joy that grandchildren bring is worth everything. Even watching your adult kids just strike out on their own and learn all the same stuff you went thru is wonderful. They sometimes ask your help and sometimes not, and sometimes you bite your tongue, but it's just the best.
My favorite times were deep in the heart of it when you're so busy taking them to this practice, that game, some event at church or school, hanging out with their other parents...these are the best times and just add a whole other set of relationships and friendships that can last on thru the years. Of course, it's hard and you're exhausted, but it's the best!
This is one of the things that we do think about. My family growing up was a shiteshow and so was my wife's in alot of ways. We both almost have this fantasy of having a family one day that actually liked to be around each other and could have healthy relationships. It makes both of us tear up.
The other part of that though is some people just are born shitty, like my middle sister, and ruin family gatherings, bringing all sorts of stress and fatigue tbh. I would hate to have a kid that turned out to be dogshite and then have that to think about/deal with. I know most people say "well if the kids bad, they weren't parented right" and I just don't agree with that. I've known plenty of families that have 2-4 kids and 2-3 of them are great folks but that 1 is just a nightmare. Did they parent that one kid that much more poorly than the others? I just think sometimes, kids come out shitty and it so unbelievably stressful when that happens.
I just feel so bad for families that are actually good people and good parents that are derailed by some kid that just for whatever reason refuses to act right and destroys everything.
This post was edited on 12/10/25 at 11:12 am
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:12 am to gmrkr5
I'm not going to argue against the two of you on it.
My response was specific to the other poster and my personal questions about missed experiences without kids vs. "who will take care of me" stuff.
I personally think that among the paramount/quintessential/epitome life experiences available to most people like me and my wife, ones involving children are a heavy portion of any objective list. I am very grateful for being able to experience them. Others' lists, or value put on elements of such a list, may vary, I suppose.
My response was specific to the other poster and my personal questions about missed experiences without kids vs. "who will take care of me" stuff.
I personally think that among the paramount/quintessential/epitome life experiences available to most people like me and my wife, ones involving children are a heavy portion of any objective list. I am very grateful for being able to experience them. Others' lists, or value put on elements of such a list, may vary, I suppose.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:12 am to LSUDonMCO
quote:
Economically kids make no sense (they cost a lot)
100%
I'd add that 2 very good friends of mine never married and are childless. Both had professional jobs, one a CPA for an oil and gas company and one worked for the Federal Reserve with a masters in Econ. They both retired at 60 and pretty much take 2-3 big trips a year and many other small ones. One of them takes a week long cruise every other month and the other goes to NYC 4-5 times a year to see Broadway plays. They are multi millionaires. It's a lot easier to have this life without children.
OP, figure out what you want in life.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:12 am to JiminyCricket
quote:
I just think sometimes, kids come out shitty and it so unbelievably stressful when that happens.
I wish more people understood this, parents can do everything right to set their kids up for success but they're still individuals who can make up their own mind to be shitty.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:13 am to Pettifogger
quote:
I'm not going to argue against the two of you on it.
Am I one of the two you were referencing? I wasn't trying to be argumentative if I am in that number.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:15 am to JiminyCricket
No not at all, you and I were discussing that particular view (who will care for you, etc.) and my response about Christmas/beach were a specific retort (personal to me) on that thinking. And then two other posters responded to that, so I was clarifying.
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