re: I just found out I have 3 year old son

Sorry if I'm giving you a "shitty tale gone potentially good" story.....

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His whole name or just his last name is being changed? Did his mama give him a decent first name?

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Great first name and second name. I just had his last name changed to mine.

I have a dry cough...I'm good for a few hours then It comes back, pretty sure I am close to coughing up a lung.

Try some Delsym.

Money, give the child's mother lots and lots of money. Don't question it, just give the money. That's how the court system will see it.

When you fly to film the show or reveal what kin of perdiem do you get per day?
Was Jerry nice? Did you fight on stage?

#1 ADVICE... DON'T USE TABLETS, TVs, PHONES, OR WHATEVER TYPE OF SCREENS AS A BABYSITTER.

Parents use electronics to distract the frick out of their kids and it kills their ability to deal with reality later. It's very hard to break them of it when they get older. It's a cop-out parenting tool, and it fricks kids' attention spans.

Stick to your word. You tell a kid X will/won't happen if they do/don't do Y, you better stick the frick to it. Teach them young that actions have consequences.

If they take a liking to sports or another activity, allow it to be fun for them... especially if they're good at it. If your kid is good at baseball, allow the field to be a sanctuary. Don't nitpick and get pissed off or frustrated if they don't do well like way too many parents do. Let them love their game and they'll love to improve. Enjoy watching them, whether they suck or are a superstar. If they love to play, you love to watch no matter how good or bad they are at it.

Your baby momma is your baby momma and it cannot be changed. It's great that things are amicable now, but shite can hit the fan real quick. You will spend more time together than you ever have before, and you will start to notice things that get on your nerves. Patience, patience, patience. Learn how to communicate with one another without the fear of ego. No facades. This is too important to skip. Be absolutely real with each other.

On that note, your kid will do things that drive you up the fricking wall. It is MUCH, MUCH, MUCH better to teach them how to do something than to just do it for them. Remember, they have no fricking clue about what you are teaching them. NO frickING CLUE. DO NOT LOOK AT THEIR LEARNING PACE THROUGH THE PRISM OF AN ADULT. Teaching them will test your patience, and it's very easy to just give up and do it for them. Adults get mad at kids when they don't learn "fast enough," and think "why don't you understand this??? It's SIMPLE!!" Be patient, and keep your shite together. You want them to enjoy learning, whether it's tying their shoe or advanced calculus. The more patient and creative you are in teaching them, the more they will love learning. If they love learning, they can be great at anything.

On that note as well, participation trophies are a huge problem. Reward achievement. Don't reward mediocrity. Acknowledge and praise effort. If they are trying hard, they will get it even if they suck at first. Make sure the lesson is effort. When I coach kids and teach a new skill, many get discouraged at first or are embarrassed when they screw it up. Many have to be taught that it's ok to mess up. It's not a given. "Learn from your mistake and keep trying. You'll get it. That's what practice is for. That's why we're here, to try new things and make mistakes. We get better when we keep trying."

Congrats. You'll be fine, though it's probably scary AF. Just keep your head together, no matter what. The less he sees you lose your shite, the better. Same with the baby momma. Be a rock for him and her. Stability in demeanor and an even keel can leave a huge impression on your kid and lady. Show him you love him every day, as though he doesn't already know.




ETA you have lots of advice on baby momma in this thread that's legit. It's not a woman hating thing. Behavioral patterns are just that… patterns. Be careful, but do NOT build a wall on that premise. Give her a chance, as she may have learned sonething big through all this. Just don't be surprised if she does something fricked up. Talk about everything and be open with each other and don't judge. If she fricked up, she probably knows it deep down even if sge wont allow her or anyone else to see it. Cover your bases, but don't see and do everything through the prism of her being evil. That can turn into a self fulfilling prophecy, kinda like running from a dog because you think a dog may bite you… If you keep your cool, dogs will generally be cool. If you run, your arse will get bit.

Love your child like you want to be loved. Be a dad not just a father. You have three years to make up i suggest you start right away.

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I think you're excusing the ex-husband too easily. Sure he got a shitty deal, but what kind of person bails on a kid after 3 years regardless of the circumstances. I'm assuming he loved him everyday for 3 years, changed his diaper, watched him learn how to crawl/walk/talk, played with him, etc. A paternity test & divorce doesn't erase that bond that formed over the course of three years. That's a harsh thing to do to a little boy thats completely innocent in all of this.

My point is that plenty of people are warning you about the mother, but the father doesn't sound so great either. Don't force anything or try to make up for lost time. Protect yourself & try to protect him as much as possible.

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Yes, but you don't really know what happened and what she did or what she told him - she may have told him the boy wasn't his, that he couldn't see him, or all sorts of stuff. He may have fought this as you suggest he should have. But if he's not the father he has zero standing to force anything legally. She could deny everything and he'd have no power there.

Congrats. I have a 3 yo. They're simple. Get acquainted with his favorite tv shows, learn all the characters and sit and watch them with him. Trucks tractors swingset in the yard are good toys he'd probably enjoy. It's gonna be tough to come to grips with drop of a hat like that but if you're half arse decent guy you'll do OK. Goodluck!