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re: How many friends did you lose after settling down?
Posted on 2/24/14 at 9:04 am to RBWilliams8
Posted on 2/24/14 at 9:04 am to RBWilliams8
quote:
away from the bar scenes).
Has nothing to do with bar scenes. It has to do with people for some odd reason can't go to a restaurant on a Thursday or Friday evening to have 1-3 drinks and eat dinner. These guys become parents and you literally never hear from them anymore. As I stated earlier, get a babysitter and meet up with people and enjoy a night on the town every so often.
1
Posted on 2/24/14 at 9:33 am to Sus-Scrofa
Bleh...when I was drinking 6-7 nights a week I had hundreds of numbers in my phone and probably 40-50 close friends. When I cut back to hardly never a lot disappeared. When I met my wife, I cut contact with the females (it's what I do).
These days, everyone is working a job they hate, have a kid they don't like, and have a wife they might kill.
My wife and I actually get along...so we occasionally will do dinner with other couples we know who are childless and don't hate each other yet.
Two things people should do before marriage : live together, spend two weeks in a car on a roadtrip...multiple times. If you can spend 3 or 4 days with someone who hasn't bathed confined in a car between hotel stops....that's a friend.
These days, everyone is working a job they hate, have a kid they don't like, and have a wife they might kill.
My wife and I actually get along...so we occasionally will do dinner with other couples we know who are childless and don't hate each other yet.
Two things people should do before marriage : live together, spend two weeks in a car on a roadtrip...multiple times. If you can spend 3 or 4 days with someone who hasn't bathed confined in a car between hotel stops....that's a friend.
Posted on 2/24/14 at 9:52 am to SuzukiGoat
I have lost so many friends when they had kids. I am always happy for them, but most of them b.c old instantly.
Some parents can't bother to return phone calls, texts or emails. And their idea of socializing is to invite you over and watch them play with their kids and yawn. No thanks.
I wish them well but if you don't have time for a little bit of engagement, I am not going to engage with you. Most of us will always be friends, but I have zero interest in doing all the work in a friendship.
Some parents can't bother to return phone calls, texts or emails. And their idea of socializing is to invite you over and watch them play with their kids and yawn. No thanks.
I wish them well but if you don't have time for a little bit of engagement, I am not going to engage with you. Most of us will always be friends, but I have zero interest in doing all the work in a friendship.
Posted on 2/24/14 at 9:55 am to LouisianaLady
quote:
Look, I'm your age. I know how 95% of males your age are. You're not in your 30s with a group of married friends who are all going through the same stuff.. You're young and likely have mostly (if not all) unmarried friends who are completely unconcerned with marriage and babies. They are not required to hang out with your kid.. and there's a good chance they don't even know how to really hang around your kid in the first place. Personally, I am not a baby/kids person and since I don't have my own, I wouldn't know how to act around someone else's newborn.
Yeah, I'm 26 and none of my dear and close friends have had kids yet. I haven't abandoned the friends that have kids, they just have completely different lifestyles than I do to where its hard to get the two to correlate. I honestly don't have a clue on how to act around my friends kids because I've never had to. I know that that time is coming and soon though.
Posted on 2/24/14 at 9:57 am to northshorebamaman
quote:
Difference in perspective. The majority of 20 somethings don't travel anyways. All they do is hang out at some shitty club and then go get high in an apartment. I'm gonna have both kids out of my house in my early 40's, with actual money to spend.
Well, I do travel a whole lot and having a kid would basically mean that I've got to quit my job and seek worse elsewhere or get a new more stable position in the company.
Posted on 2/24/14 at 10:19 am to Paul Allen
quote:
Has nothing to do with bar scenes. It has to do with people for some odd reason can't go to a restaurant on a Thursday or Friday evening to have 1-3 drinks and eat dinner. These guys become parents and you literally never hear from them anymore. As I stated earlier, get a babysitter and meet up with people and enjoy a night on the town every so often.
As a 40s dude with a toddler I'll give my perspective. I don't want to get blitzed anymore, nothing is worse than dealing with a crying kid with a hangover. One or two drinks is fine, but having a child makes you treasure your free time. I don't want to waste it sitting in a bar, sometimes I'd just like to sit and enjoy silence at home.
Being married is stressful at times, kids make it worse. I'm not at all surprised that 20-30 year olds have issues with their friends over it. It's a huge change in your life. Bigger to me than many let on.
Posted on 2/24/14 at 1:32 pm to OMLandshark
quote:
Well, I do travel a whole lot and having a kid would basically mean that I've got to quit my job and seek worse elsewhere or get a new more stable position in the company.
Of course there's exceptions. I traveled extensively before I had kids, and still do. But most 20 somethings don't.
Posted on 2/24/14 at 1:40 pm to northshorebamaman
23 is really young to have a child. I think it's a little much to expect your friends to want to be around that environment. That doesn't mean they aren't "real" friends. It just means they want to enjoy their youth.
Posted on 2/24/14 at 1:41 pm to Goldrush25
quote:at what point in y'all's mind are you past your 'youth?'
It just means they want to enjoy their youth.
If I ever have kids I don't want to be 60 with them still in the house
Posted on 2/24/14 at 1:44 pm to jimbeam
I don't let my age determine when I'm supposed to do this or that. When people are ready they're ready. If I'm 40 and still don't want to get married then that's my preference. If someone wants to have kids at 20 then good for them. Doesn't mean everyone has to follow that same schedule.
That's why so many people in marriages are unhappy as it is. They think they have to follow these rigid constraints, get married by this age, have kids by this age, buy a house by this age. That shite isn't natural.
That's why so many people in marriages are unhappy as it is. They think they have to follow these rigid constraints, get married by this age, have kids by this age, buy a house by this age. That shite isn't natural.
This post was edited on 2/24/14 at 1:46 pm
Posted on 2/24/14 at 1:46 pm to Johnny3tears
95% of the guys I know get girlfriends and then you never hear or see from them ever again.
It's lame as frick.
I have tons of friends, but there aren't many people I'm close to at all, less than 5 for sure.
It's lame as frick.
I have tons of friends, but there aren't many people I'm close to at all, less than 5 for sure.
Posted on 2/24/14 at 1:53 pm to Goldrush25
quote:
23 is really young to have a child. I think it's a little much to expect your friends to want to be around that environment. That doesn't mean they aren't "real" friends. It just means they want to enjoy their youth.
I didn't expect them to come around. My priorities changed. My original point was that I lost my "drinking buddies" but my real friends are still my real friends to this day. And now they have families too.
Posted on 2/24/14 at 1:55 pm to Johnny3tears
It's the people, not their life situation. I know many people with kids that still manage to maintain normal social lives.
Posted on 2/24/14 at 1:59 pm to Johnny3tears
All of them
Posted on 2/24/14 at 1:59 pm to Johnny3tears
quote:
Me and my SO just had a baby not even two weeks ago and my friends are dropping like flies. I'm finding out quick who my real friends are.
...thats messed up.
Im still tight with all my friends btw
Posted on 2/24/14 at 2:17 pm to northshorebamaman
Just wait, the complete opposite may happen down the road. You see, you'll spend your late 20's/early 30's primarily parenting little kids. Then, once they are a little older, you'll be living it up in your late 30's/early 40's, while your friends who waited to have kids are tied down.
IMO, best to have kids mid-20's when you are better biologically equipped to deal with lack of sleep and extra stress (and when your career is likely less demanding in terms of responsibility).
IMO, best to have kids mid-20's when you are better biologically equipped to deal with lack of sleep and extra stress (and when your career is likely less demanding in terms of responsibility).
Posted on 2/24/14 at 2:23 pm to Johnny3tears
quote:i think you are jumping to conclusions.
Me and my SO just had a baby not even two weeks ago and my friends are dropping like flies. I'm finding out quick who my real friends are.
i usually back off when my friends have a child. i offer to come and "babysit" while mom takes a nap, but i am rarely taken up on the offer.
i know they are exhausted and family and friends invite themselves over to the house without consideration to how exhausted the parents are because they want to get a photo op with the baby.
Posted on 2/24/14 at 2:28 pm to LSUfan20005
quote:
Just wait, the complete opposite may happen down the road. You see, you'll spend your late 20's/early 30's primarily parenting little kids. Then, once they are a little older, you'll be living it up in your late 30's/early 40's, while your friends who waited to have kids are tied down.
IMO, best to have kids mid-20's when you are better biologically equipped to deal with lack of sleep and extra stress (and when your career is likely less demanding in terms of responsibility).
Exactly. I'm in my mid 30's now. In 7 years, my youngest will be grown. I'm done with the baby shite. I already make much more. 43, kids already raised, and financially comfortable isn't a bad place to be.
Posted on 2/24/14 at 2:29 pm to LSUfan20005
quote:
IMO, best to have kids mid-20's when you are better biologically equipped to deal with lack of sleep and extra stress (and when your career is likely less demanding in terms of responsibility).
Lulz at all of this.
Posted on 2/24/14 at 2:29 pm to Johnny3tears
All of them
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