How do you punish your kids?

How does he respond to positive reinforcement?

Challenge him to a fist fight

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Does he have a list of all his chores posted?

Like on a poster board in his room so he can be reminded of what is expected?

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Yes, on the fridge.. he can recite them if you ask at any time, lol. It's not that he doesn't know them.

His biggest problem is that when he has TV and Xbox he comes home and does that instead of getting chores done first.

He is a procrastinator, lazy to a normal degree, and easily distracted.

if he’s a good kid ( good grades, nice to people, respectful etc.) I would take that. Kids are all different, spanking for not doing chores is excessive in my opinion. I have a grandson that’s around your sons age and if he got a spanking for not doing a chore... we would have a problem

You need to post “regular” hours for TV and Xbox, he gets x amount earned after a chore up until x amount of time for each evening and weekend (like he earns 15 minutes each day for completeing task up until 90 minutes and that’s it). He can earn extra time (maybe he starts with 90 minutes for the full day) on the weekend for full completion of task per weekday (15 extra mins per day he completes everything). Make sure you stick by whatever you decide and don’t waver.

I would also get him into a team sport or even karate if you want him to learn discipline and responsibility.

There’s a million things out there, he sounds pretty normal so just do some research


ETA - I know this sounds crazy, but check out the Feingold diet. It actually works if you follow to every detail

I like the regular hours idea. May have to try that.

Part of the issue is I work nights and am not home during the week... And momma is a softy... Lol

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The boy just fails miserably...

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where there is failure in the ranks there is a lack of leadership. you need to speak to him and allow him to tell you why he's not doing his chores. you can't have expectations that he's going to master the same tasks your daughter did at the same age. he's his own person and further more boys develop slower than girls.

here are some options i think would be helpful:

speak to him frankly but supportingly and listen to him earnestly about why he isn't completing his chores. with his answer to that question you can determine if it's matter of cognition(forgetting, not understanding, etc), motivation, or defiance.

a. if it's a matter of cognition, then that's easy: lighten his chore list. cut it in half or to the point that he masters each task and feels positive about it. life is about mastering tasks. when we fail we feel miserable, when we succeed we gain confidence and understanding. your job as a parent is to allow him to succeed on his own terms, not your daughters or anyone else's.


b. if it's a matter of motivation, then give him more positive reinforcement and praise when he gets it right, and from BOTH parents. Suggest a treat or trip somewhere cool at the end of the month, week, whatever. you know what motivates your boy(and if you don't you should find out asap), so use that.


c. if it's a matter of defiance, then find out why he's mad. is it at you? mom? sis? bully at school? don't become angry with him without fully knowing his motivation to defy. problems like this don't come out of thin air and can't be magically resolved by fear, they get resolved by understanding. him understanding you and you understanding him. spanking only makes him more upset and resentful, especially when all he wants is for you to be proud of him and to feel loved and understood by his dad.

Emphasize the philosophy of first do what you have to do then do what you want to do.

That will make for a better life.

Make a gold star chart for the fridge. Any day all chores were done, put a star on it. Fill up a row of 5 or 7 stars, give him $10.

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Emphasize the philosophy of first do what you have to do then do what you want to do. 

That will make for a better life. 

Make a gold star chart for the fridge. Any day all chores were done, put a star on it. Fill up a row of 5 or 7 stars, give him $10.

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I enforce the do what you have to do first ALL THE TIME.


As for the stars thing we already tried something like that.

He actually did worse believe it or not.

He is nine in about two weeks, plus I look back on what my parents expected of me at that age. It was as much if not more.

Also, I didn't come up with the responsibilities. Momma did.. I'm just the enforcer.