re: How do you deal with death?

It depends on who it is.

I have had many many friends pass away the past decade or so. The ones I was close to hit me pretty hard. Thankfully no one outside of my grandparents have died (which is obviously sad but they were older when they died so not a surprise).

If my siblings or parents were to die r any more of my close friends, regardless of age, I would be miserable and numb as frick. No fricking lie.

I honestly don't care what happens to me. I trust in God knowing when my time is up on this earth, but when I lose a loved one early for whatever reason, I will be very very upset. That's just the way I am wired.

Everyone deals with death differently and the how and why are huge factors too. When my dad died, I was sad, but he was suffering with cancer and I had to take care of my mom. When she died years later, then there was a big feeling of loneliness. She was, however, in her nineties and suffering from dementia. When my BiL died in his 60s, mainly from awful medical care, it was really a shock and it still bugs me as something that simply should not have happened.

In all cases, when someone close to you dies, it's like jumping into a whirlwind. So many things are going on, everyone is emotional, and the days are a blur. Then it all suddenly stops and everyone goes home. And you are left to grieve alone.

Good friend just killed himself recently.

I kind of always expected him to. Reached out often. He’d touch base as well. Until he got serious. I got radio silence for a month or so until he did it.

I still catch myself about to text him dumb shite old jokes only we got.

I’ve lost so many family members that sadly, I am numb to it now. It never really hits me. They’re just gone or haven’t called. I can’t even grasp it anymore.