re: Have Any of You Married a Cluster B Personality Disorder (Narcissistic, Borderline,etc)?

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some of us do it to ourselves even knowing what we're in the middle of

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Humans follow our own moral compasses even at great cost to ourselves. It's like if your healthy young husband becomes a raging alcoholic over time. It wasn't evident until it was. And then the wife has a very difficult choice to make, and all her options are bad. Regardless, she didn't cause him to be a drunk or a narcissist, she just gets the pleasure of being the person who gets to deal with it. And people choose differently depending on what they have to lose and what their tolerance for pain is.

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Humans follow our own moral compasses even at great cost to ourselves. It's like if your healthy young husband becomes a raging alcoholic over time. It wasn't evident until it was. And then the wife has a very difficult choice to make, and all her options are bad. Regardless, she didn't cause him to be a drunk or a narcissist, she just gets the pleasure of being the person who gets to deal with it. And people choose differently depending on what they have to lose and what their tolerance for pain is.

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nail on the head. sometimes we just have to go with the least bad option, tie a knot, and hang on. in my situation, since i've started getting counseling on my own and i'm not much more aware of what is happening, my situation has actually improved some. i know what to expect more now, so i dont react as i always did, which always exacerbated things.

Bi-polars aren't that bad if they are taking their meds and getting regular treatment where their PCP, Psychologist, Psychiatrist, and (if used) therapist are all talking to each other.

The others are spawn of Satan.

Took me about 3-4 years to figure our something wasn't right. As others have said, it was always "the world is out to get me" or "I did this thing absolutely no one in the world could do." After getting moved to a very high profile team with her employer, immediately coming into conflict with a supposedly inept co-worker, then she getting moved to a team that is an afterthought profile wise, I began to rethink her work history. By the time she left every office, it was only her manager who would be speaking with her.

WFH post-COVID has allowed a lot of narcissists to fly under the radar. Luckily, there is usually a digital trail to capture their manipulation, so they either behave like a normal person knowing they will get caught, or are quickly reprimanded and terminated.

The one I am thinking about would happily tell you she is the smartest person in her office. A court ordered IQ test showed she was in the 70th percentile, which is nothing to write home about when your entire office has at least a 4 year degree.

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And I know when you understandably reacted to her provocation, she immediately made YOUR REACTION the issue, instantaneously absolved herself of any personal responsibility, and attempted to gaslight you into the ludicrous proposition that you were the responsible party, until it nearly drove you mad.

AmIrite?

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hahahaha every single time bro. this is how i learned about reactive abuse, and all kinds of other $100 psychology terms. i was on the brink of losing my mind. but once you recognize it, it becomes much easier to avoid. i still lose my cool sometimes, but for the most part i can sidestep a lot of it. it doesnt make for the happiest of marriages, and i dont know what the long-term prognosis is really, but it is at least far less chaotic now.

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It's treatable. If you don't want to procreate with a chick who is bi-polar because you want to potentially pass it down to your kids then that's cool.

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Correct.

If I knew the diagnosis pre-pregnancy I would tell her I didnt want to have kids. If she divorced me over that Id be ok with it then plan accordingly.

I'm sorry bro. The bi-polar chick I dated was absolutely amazing when she was being treated. I really wish I knew then what I knew now about bi-polar disorder. I would have been much more involved and assertive with my role in supporting her treatment. I wouldn't have made so many assumptions.

Luckily, I'm able to apply what I learned from that to helping my aunt. The depressive episodes are easy to spot, but the manic phase is where you have to identify it, bring it to their attention in a loving way, and encourage them to go see their Docs to adjust meds.

It isn't something anyone with a good heart should have to battle.

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And I know when you understandably reacted to her provocation, she immediately made YOUR REACTION the issue, instantaneously absolved herself of any personal responsibility, and attempted to gaslight you into the ludicrous proposition that you were the responsible party, until it nearly drove you mad.

AmIrite?

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Are you me?

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Been there. 17 years exactly. I should've bounced at year 7, but there were kids involved. During the divorce (that she initiated), she starts blowing up my phone trying to hit the brakes. Having been away from her insanity for a few months and the kids making headway into accepting it, I was like "Nah, I'm good."

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Yeah, I'm gonna bookmark this thread bc reading all of these posts has me thinking I might be here

On year 4 and holding out hope I'm wrong. But that "feels safe" commet in Op struck a chord for me

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On year 4 and holding out hope I'm wrong. But that "feels safe" comment in Op struck a chord for me

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Just remember, once you start reading and tying the pieces together, you can't unsee it. It's like being in a fully lit closet with a 500 lb naked woman. Ignorance really can be bliss because if you know what you are looking at you may want to GTFO.

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The first month of their going out she got butt-assed naked in his pool to show him AND ME her pierced clam.

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still have her number?