re: Happy Birthday?

But it's the truth

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No. You weren't part of the college girl thing. Totally separate.

The college girl thing was asymmetric. Power. Control. Exploitive. You were a peer relationship. My only peer relationship. Different.

I got caught because of the weekend. She figured something was up. So she hacked my phone.

Yeah. They ignored me. Didn't take me to baseball, or soccer, or boy scouts like they were supposed to. So I dropped all that. Didn't take me to friend's houses to play or hang out. Made fun of me because I was small, and considered weak. Kind of a sissy boy.

quote:

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Why does this story teach me something is wrong with me?

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Your mother said she breaks every thing she touches. And she touched you more than any item on earth. She blamed herself for the fact that your father was broken. And he reinforced that with his cruel attitude. He beat her down to that point. So she believed it, and then you grew to believe it too.

Of course, your father was broken long before he met your mother. She didn't break him. She just couldn't fix him. And that was part of her despair.

And all that imprinted on you. My guess is that when your mother died, your father shifted the blame for his brokeness from your mother to you. Because you weren't a good enough daughter.

Sounds like he's been looking for a parent his whole life. Lots of resentment there. Stuff you couldn't escape.

But there's nothing wrong with you. You are a good daughter and a good person. And you are deserving and worthy of being loved. Just like the rest of us.

Ha. Right. All of the vocabulary is so...kind.

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Also: why isn't this thread getting pushed to the top of the board? I mean, thank goodness. But it's weird.

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