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Started By
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Good Friday Joke Thread
Posted on 3/29/24 at 10:35 am
Posted on 3/29/24 at 10:35 am
Daddy’s Little Girl
A man told his buddy over coffee, "You won't believe what happened last night. My daughter walked into the living room and said, "Dad, do not pay off my college tuition loan, cancel my allowance, throw away all my clothes and take my iPhone and laptop. In addition, please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and lock me out of your house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to anyone you choose. "
"Holy Smokes", replied the friend, "She actually said that?”
The father replied, "Well, she didn't actually put it quite like that. I'm paraphrasing a little. "What she actually said was, Dad, meet my new boyfriend, Mohammed. We're going to work together on Biden's 2024 re-election.
A man told his buddy over coffee, "You won't believe what happened last night. My daughter walked into the living room and said, "Dad, do not pay off my college tuition loan, cancel my allowance, throw away all my clothes and take my iPhone and laptop. In addition, please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and lock me out of your house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to anyone you choose. "
"Holy Smokes", replied the friend, "She actually said that?”
The father replied, "Well, she didn't actually put it quite like that. I'm paraphrasing a little. "What she actually said was, Dad, meet my new boyfriend, Mohammed. We're going to work together on Biden's 2024 re-election.
9
Posted on 3/29/24 at 10:40 am to chinhoyang
Did you hear that Nick Cage is making a new movie?
It's gonna be about a short order cook in an Asian seafood restaurant.
It's called
Prawn in 60 seconds
It's gonna be about a short order cook in an Asian seafood restaurant.
It's called
Prawn in 60 seconds
Posted on 3/29/24 at 10:42 am to chinhoyang
I thought jokes were supposed to be funny?
This reads more like your personal experience.
This reads more like your personal experience.
Posted on 3/29/24 at 10:44 am to chinhoyang
Did you get that one off of Facebook?
Posted on 3/29/24 at 10:44 am to saint tiger225
quote:
I thought jokes were supposed to be funny?
This reads more like your personal experience.
Here ya go.
What were Davy Crockett's last words at the Alamo?
What are all these landscapers doing here?
Tip your waitresses.
Posted on 3/29/24 at 10:45 am to chinhoyang
Boudreaux goes to a lawyer to get himself a divorce.
Lawyer: I see you're wanting a divorce Boudreaux , do you have any grounds?
Boudreaux: Grounds? Yea I got some grounds. I got Farty acres down sout of Ville Platte.
Lawyer: No, no Boudreaux, do you have a case?
Boudreaux: Case? Nah I aint got no Case but I gots a John Deere. That's what I work them grounds wit me.
Lawyer: No Boudreaux that's not what I mean. Do you have a grudge?
Boudreaux: Yes I gots a grudge. That's what I park that John Deere under.
Lawyer: No Boudreaux, listen. You have to have a reason to file for divorce. Is there something your wife has done to you? Is she a mean to you? Is she a nagger?
Boudreaux: Nagger? Nah lawyer she aint no nagger. But she had that little nagger baby and dats why come I want this divorce.
Lawyer: I see you're wanting a divorce Boudreaux , do you have any grounds?
Boudreaux: Grounds? Yea I got some grounds. I got Farty acres down sout of Ville Platte.
Lawyer: No, no Boudreaux, do you have a case?
Boudreaux: Case? Nah I aint got no Case but I gots a John Deere. That's what I work them grounds wit me.
Lawyer: No Boudreaux that's not what I mean. Do you have a grudge?
Boudreaux: Yes I gots a grudge. That's what I park that John Deere under.
Lawyer: No Boudreaux, listen. You have to have a reason to file for divorce. Is there something your wife has done to you? Is she a mean to you? Is she a nagger?
Boudreaux: Nagger? Nah lawyer she aint no nagger. But she had that little nagger baby and dats why come I want this divorce.
This post was edited on 3/29/24 at 12:25 pm
Posted on 3/29/24 at 10:56 am to chinhoyang
Two Aggies make their first trip to Destin. One Aggie decides to go down to the beach to see if he can hookup with some coeds.
Aggie puts on his speedo. His buddy looks at says "Dude, you won't get any play looking like that ... stuff a baking potato in your speedo."
Guy does, and goes down to the beach.
When beachgoer returns, he says "man everyone just stared and all the women laughed at me."
Other Aggie says "The potato is supposed to go in the front!!"
Aggie puts on his speedo. His buddy looks at says "Dude, you won't get any play looking like that ... stuff a baking potato in your speedo."
Guy does, and goes down to the beach.
When beachgoer returns, he says "man everyone just stared and all the women laughed at me."
Other Aggie says "The potato is supposed to go in the front!!"
Posted on 3/29/24 at 10:57 am to chinhoyang
An Aggie is driving down FM 3420 when he sees another Aggie out in the middle of a cow pasture, vigorously rowing a row boat. A big A and M flag is flying nearby.
The Aggie driving whips his car over and starts yelling at the boat rower. "You are exactly the reason why everyone makes fun of Aggies, look at what the hell you are doing ... damn it, if I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your arse."
The Aggie driving whips his car over and starts yelling at the boat rower. "You are exactly the reason why everyone makes fun of Aggies, look at what the hell you are doing ... damn it, if I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your arse."
Posted on 3/29/24 at 11:48 am to chinhoyang
Posted on 3/29/24 at 11:52 am to chinhoyang
Boudreaux decides he wants to go to college. So he goes to the local community college and meets an advisor. The advisor says "I'm going to enroll you in 3 classes, Math, English and Deductive Reasoning." Boudreaux asks "WTF is Deductive Reasoning?" The advisor says "Let me give you an example. Do you own a lawn mower? Boudreaux says he does. The advisor says "So, I can deduce that you own a home?" Boudreaux says "Yes, he does. So, I can further deduce that you have a family?" Boudreaux says "Yes, I have a wife and two kids. The advisor says "So, I can further deduce that you're heterosexual." Boudreaux seems impressed and says "Yes, I am. That's incredible."
The next time Boudreaux sees Thibodaux, Thibodaux asks if he signed up for the college classes. Boudreaux says "Yep, I signed up for Math, English and Deductive Reasoning." Thibodaux asks "What in the hell is Deductive Reasoning?" Boudreaux says "Let me give you an example. Do you own a lawnmower?" Thibodaux answers "No, he doesn't." Boudreaux looks disgusted and says "fig!!!"
The next time Boudreaux sees Thibodaux, Thibodaux asks if he signed up for the college classes. Boudreaux says "Yep, I signed up for Math, English and Deductive Reasoning." Thibodaux asks "What in the hell is Deductive Reasoning?" Boudreaux says "Let me give you an example. Do you own a lawnmower?" Thibodaux answers "No, he doesn't." Boudreaux looks disgusted and says "fig!!!"
Posted on 3/29/24 at 11:59 am to Auburn1968
A little boy and a little girl were at Sunday school one week. Throughout the class, Suzy kept falling asleep.
The teacher asked Suzy "Who created the earth?"
Johnny pokes Suzy with his pencil to wake her up and Suzy shouts out "God Almighty!"
Startled, the teacher says "That is correct" and moves on with the lesson.
Another 5-10 minutes passes the Teacher asks sleepy Suzy "Who is our lord and savior?"
Johnny pokes Suzy again and she says "JESUS CHRIST!".
Teacher says that's correct and continues teaching.
10 minutes later teacher asks snoozing Suzy, "What did Eve say to Adam after they had their 22nd child?"
Johnny pokes her again and Suzy shouts "YOU POKE ME WITH THAT THING ONE MORE TIME AND I'M GONNA SNAP IT IN HALF!!"
The teacher asked Suzy "Who created the earth?"
Johnny pokes Suzy with his pencil to wake her up and Suzy shouts out "God Almighty!"
Startled, the teacher says "That is correct" and moves on with the lesson.
Another 5-10 minutes passes the Teacher asks sleepy Suzy "Who is our lord and savior?"
Johnny pokes Suzy again and she says "JESUS CHRIST!".
Teacher says that's correct and continues teaching.
10 minutes later teacher asks snoozing Suzy, "What did Eve say to Adam after they had their 22nd child?"
Johnny pokes her again and Suzy shouts "YOU POKE ME WITH THAT THING ONE MORE TIME AND I'M GONNA SNAP IT IN HALF!!"
Posted on 3/29/24 at 12:00 pm to chinhoyang
Your joke sucks balls.
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