GMT

Today in History: April 9

0193 In the Balkans, the distinguished soldier Septimius Severus is proclaimed emperor by the army in Illyricum.

1454 The city states of Venice, Milan and Florence sign a peace agreement at Lodi, Italy.

1682 Robert La Salle claims lower Mississippi River and all lands that touch it for France.

1731 British Captain Robert Jenkins loses an ear to a band of Spanish brigands, starting a war between Britain and Spain: The War of Jenkins' Ear.

1865 General Robert E. Lee surrenders his rebel forces to Union Gen. Ulysses S. Grant at Appomattox Courthouse, Va.

1942 In the Battle of Bataan, American and Filipino forces are overwhelmed by the Japanese Army.

1950 Comedian Bob Hope makes his first television appearance.

1963 Winston Churchill becomes the first honorary U.S. citizen.

1970 Paul McCartney announces the official break-up of the Beatles.

Born on April 9

1879 W.C. Fields (William Claude Dukenfield), comedian and actor.

1926 Hugh Hefner, founder and publisher of Playboy magazine.

Joke of the Day
How bout a blowjob?

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's arse and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ....And she's always sound asleep."