re: Funniest thing your children have ever done?

Humped a stuffed animal and said "Look what my dog does" in front of company

When my oldest son was 3 we were at my parents house for Christmas and I had an aunt who had just remarried a guy who was a nice guy but looked like goofy.

So they show up for family Christmas dinner my son had never met either of them . introductions are made and my kid just looks this guy dead in they eye and says "my dad thinks you're goofy looking" I mean I'd never even met this guy, just seen picture.

Dude handled it pretty well, he just looked my kid back in the eye and said "your dad looks like an a-hole" I couldn't even be mad.

We actually get along pretty decent these years later and laugh about that together.

My son is definitely my mini-me, smartass and all.

In daycare when he was about four, he said damn while playing with other kids. One of the ladies there tells him "That is a bad word, you shouldn't say that". My son responds "Damn isn't a bad word but frick is." I'm laughing like a madman in Denver International Airport as I was told this story.

About four years later When my ex-wife and I had first separated, I picked up my kids for my weekend at the house. While in the foyer, my son says "Mom, did you brush your teeth?". My ex says yes, without missing a beat he says "Weeeeellll, your breath stinks". It took nearly every ounce of bearing I had not to laugh.

My daughter scored in the 98th percentile on a standardized test. I asked if she knew what that meant. She said that out of a room full of 100 children only two Asians scored higher.

Do grown up kids count? Same son as earlier story only he's in his twenties now.

This happened about six months ago, he was home visiting he and myself and my now wife are in the kitchen talking his cell phone rings he's like "oh great its my biological (that's what he has called his mom for a long time) anyway she had just divorced her third husband about 6 months prior and she tells my son that she's getting married in a few weeks and wants him to come to the wedding.

Now we didn't hear all that part of the conversation all we heard was him saying " I can't make it, I'll come to the next one" it was only after he hung up that he told us he was talking about his mom's wedding. We about died laughing at "I'll catch the next one"

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Last week at the fair my 9 year old yelled from the top of the Ferris wheel "SUCK MY BALLS ALEXANDRIA" .. of course we had to fuss at him but it was hard to hold back my laughter

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At 9 it isnt' quite so funny, but a 2 year old saying "frick you a-hole" is pretty hilarious.

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SUCK MY BALLS ALEXANDRIA

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I think the exact same thing every time I drive through there

We were at the local pound filling out paperwork for the dog we had just adopted when the young female volunteer (who was obviously a lesbian) walks in with our dog. The dog immediately rolls over onto his back and my son, who had just turned three, points and said loudly “Look, Bruneaux has a penis, I have a penis, do you have a penis?!” The best part was he pointed at his crotch when he said “I have a penis”. The volunteer turned beet red and I had to cover my face with paperwork to keep from just losing it. My wife was laughing but she was so embarrassed.