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re: Friends Who Drift Apart

Posted on 11/16/14 at 9:50 pm to
Posted by Slinky
Member since Dec 2013
3118 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 9:50 pm to
Yep. Going through this now.

People move away and all communication from their end seemingly stops. It's quite depressing.

People don't realize how difficult it can be for adults to make new friends
Posted by meeple
Carcassonne
Member since May 2011
11148 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 9:50 pm to
It's happened to me, and I've come full circle on it before in a few cases. Yes, all of the things you mentioned will happen. From what I've learned, I think they key is being more intentional about maintaining the friendships. Some times it's easier to maintain them, but depending on the circumstances it may require more of an intentional effort on both sides.

Sometimes it works, sometimes not. And like another poster said, you'll get new friends, people you really seem to click with and have a lot in common, etc. It could be from someone brand new, or someone you've been acquainted with for a while, but until that intentional step is taken to advance that relationship then that potential friendship may not develop, for the same reason old ones "drift apart."
Posted by Paul Allen
Montauk, NY
Member since Nov 2007
78301 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 9:52 pm to
quote:

I have a job that takes most of my time. A family that takes the rest. I have no time for anyone else.


Sounds miserable.
Posted by Walt OReilly
Poplarville, MS
Member since Oct 2005
124694 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 9:52 pm to
Doesn't happen to me
Posted by meeple
Carcassonne
Member since May 2011
11148 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 9:53 pm to
quote:

It gets worse in your 30's.

For me it's actually gotten better in my 30's.

ETA: Let me qualify that. It's harder to keep up with people from my college days and 20's. I have found it somewhat easier to develop new friendships in my 30's.
This post was edited on 11/16/14 at 9:55 pm
Posted by 632627
LA
Member since Dec 2011
15047 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 9:54 pm to
quote:

Marriage kids work etc and you get consumed in your own stuff. i wish I had put forth more effort with my old friends.


marriage, kids and a career will be the biggest road blocks to your longtime friendships. the best thing to try to curb how far apart you drift is to get the significant others involved with double dates, etc. it's extremely difficult to maintain the friendships when one friend is married and the other is single, as both people are in completely different places in life.
Posted by Slinky
Member since Dec 2013
3118 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 9:55 pm to
quote:

I have a job that takes most of my time. A family that takes the rest. I have no time for anyone else.


This too. Long days and nights can do a number on you. You learn to be alone. Is it miserable? Hells yes it is. Is there anything I can do about it? Probably. The money I'm making right now is too good to quit. I bring my boys to the dog park and let them meet some ladies every now and then, other than that, we just do our thing.
Posted by shinerfan
Duckworld(Earth-616)
Member since Sep 2009
28508 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 9:55 pm to
As much as a pain in the as Facebook can be, it does allow you to maintain relationships with the people who have been important in your life. I've reconnected with many old friends who I would have never otherwise seen again.
Posted by AUCE05
Member since Dec 2009
45362 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 9:56 pm to
Sneaks up on you. But that enjoyment you had in the relationships with your friends shifts to your kids. I enjoy introducing them to new things on this planet. I wouldn't exchange them for any friend I ever had.
Posted by engvol
england
Member since Sep 2009
5347 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 9:57 pm to
As much as it does suck, theres also something kind of cool about knowing that even though you havent spoken in months, the next time you do see each other you can still talk for hours and slip straight back into it like the old days.
Posted by SaintlyTiger88
Louisiana
Member since Apr 2013
2207 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 9:57 pm to
To me, you gotta have friends in life, especially to keep you balanced when it comes to family drama, which we've all dealt with in one form or another. You need friends to turn to in good times and bad times. Family is extremely important and yes, they should take precedence over friends, but friends meet a unique need in a person's life that everyone needs.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129146 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 9:57 pm to
It's more difficult to make friends as an adult. I only have like one close girlfriend out here that I see on a regular basis. The rest of the people I call my close friends....all live in another state. We keep in touch via fb/phone and I know I'll see them if we are in the same place at the same time. You don't have to see a friend all the time or talk to them all the time....to still consider them a friend.
Posted by chinhoyang
Member since Jun 2011
26005 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 9:59 pm to
As you get older, you will find that some of these friendships renew themselves.
Posted by SaintlyTiger88
Louisiana
Member since Apr 2013
2207 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 10:04 pm to
This is true, but speaking in terms of having a friend who was once your "best friend", when the communication and time spent together gets fewer and far between, that close bond fades. I mean, yes, you absolutely can maintain a good friendship without talking or seeing each other every day, but if that's how the friendship has always been, it won't feel like anything has changed, as opposed to one where that friend was a huge part of your life for a long time.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129146 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 10:06 pm to
Life moves on. People marry, move away, have children, get sick, have sick family to care for, have more job responsibilities, etc. Priorities change. Nothing wrong with that.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129146 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 10:08 pm to
Few questions


How old are you?


And please tell me you are a woman cause no man should sound this whiny.

ETA: read all the posts and saw you are a man...could it be you are in love with this friend and upset it never turned into something more?
This post was edited on 11/16/14 at 10:11 pm
Posted by UltimateHog
Thailand
Member since Dec 2011
69459 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 10:12 pm to
quote:

So, how many of y'all have gone through this, having a once close bond be disintegrated over time?



This is literally happening to me right now with one of my best friends through high school and college, so since about age 15.

He's busy with work and his GF all the time, one of those types that finally got in a serious relationship for 2nd time at best, already moved in with him after 3 months, and I just don't care to be around them anymore. Always saying "baby" and one night they argued because he did the laundry and didn't leave any for her to do cuz they just bought a new like $1200 washing machine. Like wtf.

Used to hang out probably 2-3 times a week, slowly became once every few weeks, and now it's maybe once a month. Used to text almost daily, worst case ever few days, as it stands right now haven't texted once in over 2 weeks.

Just part of life.
Posted by Hammertime
Will trade dowsing rod for titties
Member since Jan 2012
43031 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 10:24 pm to
I've had a bunch of really good friends throughout my 30 years. I have four now that I've been friends with since high school, and it should stay that way for a long time. They've put up with enough of my shite to be gone 20 times, but we're all still friends. I don't see them all of the time, but know that they've got my back and they feel the same
Posted by Chitter Chatter
In and Out of Consciousness
Member since Sep 2009
4667 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 10:50 pm to
I've had two close friends since kindergarten, another four since middle school, and three more from college. Only two of them live close to me - the others are scattered. Every year six of us get together and go out of town for a trip together. The others I see from time to time and talk/text often. I consider myself very fortunate to have these friends and all of us are married with kids. We make the time when we can.
Posted by Sir Drinksalot
Member since Aug 2005
16868 posts
Posted on 11/16/14 at 10:53 pm to
When you have real friends it won't matter how Long you are apart. I have a friend who I only see every few years. When we do see each other, it's like no time has passed. There is no judgement or Ill will. We are both accepting of circumstances and still Cherish the few times we have together.
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