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re: Does society get back to non-fearful hands off parenting of kids?
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:13 am to Tiger1242
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:13 am to Tiger1242
quote:exactly, he's just making excuses. "Its all societies fault." You do what you're supposed to do as a parent and it doesn't matter what other folks do.
’m not trying to be confrontational with you, but this attitude right or wrong is the issue I’m talking about. Your kid and my kid maybe could become great friends but we will never know because they’re never allowed freedom to find out. Half of us could be neighbors and we probably would never even know it!
2
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:17 am to Tiger1242
quote:
I’m not convinced the world is any more dangerous now than it was 30-50 years ago, hell it’s probably safer. We just know too much today and are terrified that all the bad things are going to happen to our kids.
Thats why I chose to highlight the points I made, they weren't true 30-50 years ago.
Mine are too young to really roam right now, so its something I'm debating on as they approach the age.
I think you're right that they need opportunities for that social/personal development, I just think there are other lower risk ways of achieving that like sports.
Also being aware of the type of area you live in changes the calculus a lot. I live in a nice area, its probably fine here. If I'm in a lower-middle class area you tend to have less stable homes and people coming and going from places who might not be good actors.
Even if things are similar in terms of level of danger or even a bit safer, the stats still tell us that 1 in 20 boys and 1 in 4 girls (!!!!!) gets sexually abused as a child. Especially if you have girls its happening frequently enough that you need to be mindful about reducing the risk.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:18 am to Park duck
We’re pretty hands off, until we have to be hands on. We try really hard to let them make their own mistakes in life, but JC I think kids are just retarded today.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:18 am to Park duck
quote:
"Its all societies fault." You do what you're supposed to do as a parent and it doesn't matter what other folks do.
So it doesn't matter what other folks do if you let your daughter roam your neighborhood thinking its safe and some creep assaults her? Weird take. Outright delusional take, actually.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:20 am to VolSquatch
quote:
Even if things are similar in terms of level of danger or even a bit safer, the stats still tell us that 1 in 20 boys and 1 in 4 girls (!!!!!) gets sexually abused as a child. Especially if you have girls its happening frequently enough that you need to be mindful about reducing the risk.
Obviously that's horrible, but I would be surprised if it wasn't as high or higher than back in the day.
Remember like 80% of the catholic priest rape cases came from allegations from the 60s and 70s.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:21 am to Psych23
quote:
Life360 is so fricking weird and if you use it in any capacity you suck as a parent.
And add going through your kid's phone to this.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:21 am to VolSquatch
quote:
So it doesn't matter what other folks do if you let your daughter roam your neighborhood thinking its safe and some creep assaults her? Weird take. Outright delusional take, actually.
Actually, you thinking that has anything to do with what I wrote is delusional.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:22 am to VolSquatch
quote:
So it doesn't matter what other folks do if you let your daughter roam your neighborhood thinking its safe and some creep assaults her? Weird take. Outright delusional take, actually.
If you're REALLY worried about your child daughter being sexually abused, don't go to any family reunions or get togethers for the holidays.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:23 am to Park duck
quote:
You do what you're supposed to do as a parent and it doesn't matter what other folks do.
Thats what you wrote, just in case you forgot
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:24 am to VolSquatch
not at all
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:25 am to JohnnyKilroy
quote:
Obviously that's horrible, but I would be surprised if it wasn't as high or higher than back in the day.
Remember like 80% of the catholic priest rape cases came from allegations from the 60s and 70s.
We have plenty of factors today that make me think the numbers are probably pretty comparable, but either way its not like we are talking about something that uncommon even for boys.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:25 am to Tiger1242
This has to do with low birth rates. Parents have one boy and one girl and get fixed. There are no "spare kids", and two children are easy to hover over, 5 or 6 is much more difficult.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:31 am to JohnnyKilroy
quote:
If you're REALLY worried about your child daughter being sexually abused, don't go to any family reunions or get togethers for the holidays.
Almost half of all cases are either another kid or someone not known to the family, but yes kidnapping and sexual assault is mostly done by people they know or are related to.
But I'm not advocating to lock kids inside and draw the curtains, my point is mainly to be mindful of the environment they will be in before letting them do something. If you live in a nice area and know your neighbors, of course. If you live in a shitty neighborhood and the kids are from a sketchy house with a bad family situation, people in and out all the time, etc maybe its not the best idea.
I also find the argument that they can't get the same benefits just by being involved in sports, clubs, etc not very convincing, and those generally are safer environments.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:34 am to VolSquatch
quote:
I also find the argument that they can't get the same benefits just by being involved in sports, clubs, etc not very convincing, and those generally are safer environments.
Do NOT do any research on Boy Scouts of America lol.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:34 am to JohnnyKilroy
I did say generally, and there are a lot of clubs other than what now should be called the They/Them Scouts of America
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:36 am to VolSquatch
quote:sounds like you need to move
I think your approach seems good. But even if there were neighborhood kids roaming around and playing I'm not sure the benefits of letting my kids join them outweigh the risks anymore.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:40 am to Tiger1242
Most of our problems and how we approach problem solving comes from a highly feminized Safe World Theory approach to life that RISK is unacceptable. It’s why I intentionally raised my three children to be self- policing risk takers . It’s paid off.
I think we should focus on developing character and making them prepared for the inherent risks and dangers of life.
I think we should focus on developing character and making them prepared for the inherent risks and dangers of life.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:40 am to VolSquatch
quote:
Even if things are similar in terms of level of danger or even a bit safer, the stats still tell us that 1 in 20 boys and 1 in 4 girls (!!!!!) gets sexually abused as a child. Especially if you have girls its happening frequently enough that you need to be mindful about reducing the risk.
And stats show that over 90% of those, are committed by family members or close family friends known by the parents, and most occur in the parents home. Not making an umbrella parenting statement but I believe the more kids understand how to navigate the world on their own, starting with their house, then yard, then neighborhood, then city, etc, the safer they will be long term. Not saying kids should be dropped off in the middle of the hood and told to get home safely, but learning how to navigate where they are is really important.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:49 am to NOLALGD
quote:
or close family friends known by the parents
Like a neighbor, perhaps?
quote:
Not making an umbrella parenting statement but I believe the more kids understand how to navigate the world on their own, starting with their house, then yard, then neighborhood, then city, etc, the safer they will be long term.
I've got very young kids (too young to roam or even to ask to) who basically have free reign in our yard and some of the older neighborhood kids will come play with them sometimes. They enjoy it, and I think its good for them, but I'm not really convinced its going to make them that much better or smarter people
I'm just not sure going over to Timmy Joe and Bobby Sue's house half a block down will really teach them life long, valuable lessons about 'navigating the world'.
It kind of feels like theres a little "This is why my generation was smarter, because we did X thing" going on in this thread when I never really found getting to roam around places as anything that profound growing up. I was at neighbors houses, on lakes, at the river, in the woods, etc. The thing I take from those experiences is that I need to get my kids outside and in the outdoors, not that I gained any skill just from being free to go by myself at a young age.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:51 am to VolSquatch
quote:
They enjoy it, and I think its good for them, but I'm not really convinced its going to make them that much better or smarter people
I'm just not sure going over to Timmy Joe and Bobby Sue's house half a block down will really teach them life long, valuable lessons about 'navigating the world'.
It kind of feels like theres a little "This is why my generation was smarter, because we did X thing" going on in this thread when I never really found getting to roam around places as anything that profound growing up. I was at neighbors houses, on lakes, at the river, in the woods, etc. The thing I take from those experiences is that I need to get my kids outside and in the outdoors, not that I gained any skill just from being free to go by myself at a young age.
There's mountains of research that says you are incorrect and that unsupervised free play, especially with peers, is arguably the MOST important thing for childhood development. Especially early on.
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