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re: Divorce Board Spin-Off: If you have been married, why did you get married?

Posted on 2/23/24 at 4:02 pm to
Posted by 3nOut
Central Texas, TX
Member since Jan 2013
28952 posts
Posted on 2/23/24 at 4:02 pm to
quote:

Like busting nuts and not ending up miserable for the rest of your life because you married an unaffectionate prude?




or STDs and unwanted pregnancies/abortions.
Posted by JohnnyKilroy
Cajun Navy Vice Admiral
Member since Oct 2012
35440 posts
Posted on 2/23/24 at 4:09 pm to
Subjectively, and first and foremost, because she is the person I wanted to marry.

Objectively, and secondary, marrying her made sense and not marrying her did not make sense.
Posted by TigerBaitOohHaHa
Member since Jan 2023
491 posts
Posted on 2/23/24 at 4:10 pm to
quote:

You should write anniversary cards for Hallmark


100 percent agree. Nobody buys cards anymore though, so you get my sharp wit at no charge. You may distribute my written work freely. You're welcome.
Posted by ChatGPT of LA
Member since Mar 2023
335 posts
Posted on 2/23/24 at 4:25 pm to
I wanted to be with my son every day of his life.
We divorced 8 trs later.
I would NEVER EVER EVER marry again unless it was a ridiculously rich woman without insecurities.

Men are weak...even those who are "happily " married. No they aren't. They are content and absolutely love getting away from their wife often.
Posted by JohnnyKilroy
Cajun Navy Vice Admiral
Member since Oct 2012
35440 posts
Posted on 2/23/24 at 4:27 pm to
quote:

Even if you feel like the "facts" are on your side


Another thing is that, a significant amount of the time (but certainly not ALL the time), the facts don't even really matter.

Being frame by frame accurate about the events leading up to an argument or hurt feelings is not really that helpful in maintaining a healthy relationship.

If you trust the person sufficiently, you should realize that if they say "when you did X or you said Y, that pissed me off" it doesn't REALLY matter if their recounting of X or Y is a little off from what you remember.

If you don't trust them enough to believe they are genuinely upset/hurt by what they say they are and are just making shite up, then the solution is to not marry be married to that person.
This post was edited on 2/23/24 at 4:34 pm
Posted by Chief Hinge
There and Here
Member since Sep 2018
2909 posts
Posted on 2/23/24 at 4:29 pm to
We kind of just went ahead and did it one day. Wouldn’t change a thing.
Posted by SquatchDawg
Cohutta Wilderness
Member since Sep 2012
14229 posts
Posted on 2/23/24 at 4:29 pm to
I give my wife one every year…it keeps me out of trouble. My next one will read:

On Our Anniversay

“I hope you like it because you’re stuck with me now. I’ve put up with your shite for far too long to start over and for you to get out of here scott free with half my shite.

Ooooh no…we’re in this shite show for the long haul. Buckle up because we’re only getting uglier and more angry from here.

And if you step out on me I’m not above cutting a motherfricker”

Love

Squatch

ETA - PS You file papers and I’ll burn all this shite to the ground the next day and disappear like Kaiser fricking Soze with all the cash, the dog and a smile on my face.

XXOO
This post was edited on 2/23/24 at 4:46 pm
Posted by Thracken13
Aft Cargo Hold of Serenity
Member since Feb 2010
16049 posts
Posted on 2/23/24 at 4:30 pm to
quote:

Men are weak...even those who are "happily " married. No they aren't. They are content and absolutely love getting away from their wife often


painting with a pretty wide brush there.

you can be happily Married and enjoy time away. in fact time away, at least for me, makes me appreciate her more and when I get back home to enjoy the time with her.

I travel for work between 30 and 50% of the year, a week at a time. after 21 years of it, it is old and I honestly hate dealing with people in airports/planes. but for the time away, i think it does us both good and when I get home, it is like our batteries are refreshed.

it may sound terrible, and not work for everyone - But the way you presented your take made it seem negative and 1 sided.

in that example - both can be true, and both can be a good thing.
Posted by Thracken13
Aft Cargo Hold of Serenity
Member since Feb 2010
16049 posts
Posted on 2/23/24 at 4:32 pm to
Bra-fricking-vo.

my wife would say the same to me LOL
Posted by Rabby
Member since Mar 2021
580 posts
Posted on 2/23/24 at 6:11 pm to
quote:

I'm genuinely curious for the married folk why you got married.

I was thinking that I wanted to spend my life with my best friend and she says something similar. We wanted to go before God, family and friends to make this relationship permanent.

quote:

Looking back, do you think it was for the right reasons?

We think so.

quote:

And for the successfully married OTers, what do you feel like has made your marriage last?
Humor and a recognition that we are both seriously flawed people.
Rather than making demands for change, we enjoy and laugh about our imperfections.
We compliment each other - in both senses of that word.

But it has only been 4 decades, we might still figure out that we were wrong all along - someday...
Posted by BluegrassBelle
RIP Hefty Lefty - 1981-2019
Member since Nov 2010
99112 posts
Posted on 2/23/24 at 7:01 pm to
quote:

communication, compromise and willingness to understand the other persons view/opinion, and accept it - maybe not agree, but accept it.

if you cannot communicate, the relationship is DOA. Compromise with each other, be willing to meet 1/2 way where you can. forgiveness is up there as well. not for the major things like abuse (any form) or infidelity, but for the little things.


That makes sense. Especially the communication part. Which probably needs to begin before the marriage, but as you pointed out it's also important to realize you're going to disagree on things but that doesn't mean you can't have healthy compromise.
Posted by South Shore Cyclist
Member since Jul 2023
160 posts
Posted on 2/23/24 at 9:18 pm to
I got married for the great sex, good cooking, similar values, and the fact that my partner got along with my family. (Should probably list this first.)

We’ve been together over three decades now. Due to a family history of divorce, I looked for a partner from a similar background as myself. (Same racial, ancestral, and religious history.) In the early years, I believe that decision eliminated many potential sources of friction.

At this point in our lives together, I think it’s our similar interests that make the difference. Neither of us wanted children, so we don’t have that source of “glue.” We share similar tastes - in hobbies, pursuits, outdoor activities - that keep us on the same page and moving forward together.
This post was edited on 2/23/24 at 9:31 pm
Posted by WhiteRussianDude
Member since Feb 2023
206 posts
Posted on 2/23/24 at 10:01 pm to
quote:

Another thing is that, a significant amount of the time (but certainly not ALL the time), the facts don't even really matter. Being frame by frame accurate about the events leading up to an argument or hurt feelings is not really that helpful in maintaining a healthy relationship.



100 percent
Posted by 3nOut
Central Texas, TX
Member since Jan 2013
28952 posts
Posted on 2/23/24 at 11:24 pm to
quote:

nother thing is that, a significant amount of the time (but certainly not ALL the time), the facts don't even really matter. Being frame by frame accurate about the events leading up to an argument or hurt feelings is not really that helpful in maintaining a healthy relationship.

100 percent


I have never lost an argument more decisively than being able to describe exact events that lead to a fight and being correct.
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