re: Divoced baws of the OT. How did it go down?

I also don’t have 50k to pay for the adoption.

And don’t want to foster to adopt and have the added stress of caring for a child likely abused or born addicted to drugs. And then fall in love with that child and the courts decide the junkie mom is now clean enough to have her child back.

Also....I had front row seats for my good friend’s adoption of her daughter. It was so emotionally stressful of a process that nearly cost them their marriage that they won’t adopt ever again (they had planned to adopt several children).

So yeah ..again...,there is no “just adopt” option. I’m not trying to talk people out of adoption but just want to explain why I personally don’t want to go that route. Because if you say you don’t want to adopt people judge you for it and say horrible crap like “you must not want to be a mom that badly then” (and a giant frick you to the people I’ve encountered irl that have said that to me. You with your 4 kids you had no trouble having trying. They don’t post here but I just need to vent that ).

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Well to be fair....you have NO idea what it’s like. You don’t know the constant stress of it. How you put other life goals on hold for it. Spending 20k on something that only produced stress and no baby th speak for it.

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I saw my uncle's wife go through a lot of depression due to her having troubles. I thought she was going to become an alcoholic.

My uncle has spent a lot of money to give her kids and dealt with a lot of heartache.

I got a call at 3am years ago with him crying telling me how their kids were dead with her at 4 months along.

Luckily they now have twins due to a specialist in Chicago.

Unfortunately for my Uncle he's now over 50 with twin 14 month old boys but he wanted to do it for her.

She's now as happy as ever.

I hope you get your wish nurse.

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Do you think that is something that will come? Like is it just because of what you've gone through lately?

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Eventually, I will have to get through it and find some kind of overall purpose. I think the reflex to seem escapism has always been there, but the degree to which that crutch has been relied on got MUCH worse post divorce. I think I’ll eventually find a happy medium, but still testing my boundaries. I guess I just haven’t f$&ked up enough yet because I just keep falling up.

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I would have to imagine it must be incredibly difficult trying to date when you admittedly have no motivation or ambition in every facet of your life, no?

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Women actually love it. I’m apparently just the right amount of damaged and emotionally detached to be interesting yet not threatening. They just want to fix me and make me care. Go figure

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You may be depressed, have you talked to someone?

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Not a may be, but yes. I finally forced myself to start going to therapy a couple months ago.

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you must not want to be a mom that badly then” (and a giant frick you to the people I’ve encountered irl that have said that to me. You with your 4 kids you had no trouble having trying. They don’t post here but I just need to vent that )

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You’re a better person than me for not catching a charge for beating that person’s arse

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People also aren’t meant to shite in toilets, but we make that the norm now don’t we?

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That is a hell of a stretch, where you shite out of is still the same as nature intended. Where you left the feces has been modified by what is acceptable by society. Which I agree, some humans have resisted nature due to moral/societal reasons.

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I guess I just feel like my life is starting a new chapter with higher stakes and I see bad habits which can snowball to major consequences in the future paired with a strange willingness to see the problem with complete indifference towards doing something about it.

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There's nothing wrong with that. In fact it's probably the norm. Too many people feel pressured to be something they aren't and become influenced by people who are nothing like them.

You'll find your niche, but it's probably not where you are now. The world needs wanderers, dreamers....restless types too.

Most people half arse life and do well.

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I’m a single dude and these stories always scare me.
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As they should.Marriage is tough after the new wears off and you get into the humdrum of daily living.
Divorcees with children are a minefield,being a stepfather is very tough.
Don’t ever under estimate the problems in-laws can cause.That is one thing I didn’t pay enough attention to and they caused huge problems.So,any potential wives,try and get a good read on her parents and her siblings and her relationships with them.If she can’t establish healthy boundaries and lets them influence her negatively,run like hell.
Likewise make sure you have boundaries with your parents.My mother was a busybody and would try and stick her nose where it didn’t belong but I had no problem telling her to mind her own business.My wife,not so much.
Things like money,religion,politics,values try and find someone with similar views,you’re never going to agree 100% but you both have to be willing to have conversations and compromise.
Give each other space,I think it’s good to share common interests and hobbies but it’s also good to have separate interests and activities.
Share the housework and childcare if you end up with children,nobody wants to be a maid.I actually know men that have to do the housework or it wouldn’t get done.
Find old people you respect and pick their brains.They can give you good advice and tell you mistakes they made and things they did right.
Good luck with which ever way life takes you.

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Ambition is like #1 hottest trait to most women, isn't it?

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After tits and arse.

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Ambition is like #1 hottest trait to most women, isn't it?

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That and a tall man to get stuff down from the top shelf.