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re: Divoced baws of the OT. How did it go down?

Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:26 pm to
Posted by notiger1997
Metairie
Member since May 2009
60670 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:26 pm to
quote:

but others just cant and they embark on a path of self destruction.



Knew a few guys a while back that became drunks when they started having problems. That never ends well.
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
68402 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:28 pm to
That’s a big bingo. My therapist says that I actually crave the negative consequences because I am punishing myself for some reason I don’t even know or remember. That I’m like a teenager acting out so his parents will pay attention to him, but I’m a grown arse man, so no one is going to check me for being a lazy slob.

I know it’s bad, but old habits are hard to break and I really don’t want to fold that pile of clean clothes right now.
Posted by lsucoonass
shreveport and east texas
Member since Nov 2003
69002 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:29 pm to
I filed for divorce

I was tired of trying to make her happy, nothing made her happy

That simple
Posted by lsucoonass
shreveport and east texas
Member since Nov 2003
69002 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:29 pm to
True
Posted by LSUJML
Central
Member since May 2008
49939 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:31 pm to
I’m sorry man, that must be tough
Posted by BluegrassBelle
RIP Hefty Lefty - 1981-2019
Member since Nov 2010
103949 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:31 pm to
quote:

happily married for almost 10 years. Kids 8 and 6. Wife all of a sudden decides she isnt happy anymore. No real reason given. They try therapy for a few months. She then decides to bang an old college boyfriend. Divorce time.


This is basically what happened to my SO. Only one kid (not biologically his) and she was having an affair with her friend’s husband. And blamed my SO for “forcing her to have the affair” because he “neglected to meet her emotional needs”. The affair went on during the brief period of counseling they tried. She quit because she didn’t like the therapist calling her on her bullshite.

She tried to get alimony but was willfully underemployed and moved in with the guy she had an affair with so that didn’t happen. Tried to get child support but my SO wouldn’t adopt her kid so she could have play money. So they have an unofficial custody agreement and he pays for a lot of her needs (never hands Mom money, goes directly to the school, takes her shopping himself, etc).

Her loss is my gain. He’s the best guy I’ve ever been with.
Posted by Rouge
Floston Paradise
Member since Oct 2004
137765 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:32 pm to
quote:

Cosmo


Not sharing my personal life with this guy
Posted by boomtown143
Member since May 2019
9407 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:33 pm to
quote:

I know it’s bad, but old habits are hard to break and I really don’t want to fold that pile of clean clothes right now.


Posted by Big EZ Tiger
Member since Jul 2010
25255 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:33 pm to
quote:

It was a rough year, the first 2 months of our separation, I went from 169lbs to 118lbs. Worst depression of my life. I wouldn't wish that on anybody.

Damn, that's crazy for just two months. Glad you made it through.

Sounds like she ultimately was a bad person to leave in that fashion. Anybody that would leave in that fashion is a coward.
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
68402 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:36 pm to
I’m basically the guy from Office Space post hypnosis except applied to literally every facet of my life every single day
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129146 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:37 pm to
quote:

I'm fortunate in that my wife and I were able to conceive. However, if this were not the case then I don't see that being an issue that would cause divorce.


Well to be fair....you have NO idea what it’s like. You don’t know the constant stress of it. How you put other life goals on hold for it. Spending 20k on something that only produced stress and no baby th speak for it. Reduce sex between your spouse as a chore now to produce results you both so desperately want. You just don’t hear of these things often cause couples are too embarrassed and shamed to admit the real toll it has taken.


And the “just adopt” thing is beyond insulting to someone dealing with infertility. No one “just adopts”. That in itself is its own painful process that isn’t guaranteed to give you a child as well. That said....adoption was something my husband and I had always agreed on that was something that just wasn’t for us personally.

It is not unusual at all for a couple to divorce cause of infertility.
Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
51531 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:37 pm to
quote:

In every single case ive known of at least one of the spouses had divorced parents and most of the time both of them had divorced parents.

Do not marry someone whose parents are divorced

My parents were divorced and me and both of my siblings have all been married for 13+ years.
Posted by FAP SAM
Member since Sep 2014
3102 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:38 pm to
quote:

I, personally, indulge in escapism and avoidance of people and responsibilities until they all build up and crash around me
quote:

I’m a grown arse man, so no one is going to check me for being a lazy slob.

I know it’s bad, but old habits are hard to break and I really don’t want to fold that pile of clean clothes right now.

Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
51531 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:39 pm to
quote:

I’m basically the guy from Office Space post hypnosis except applied to literally every facet of my life every single day

frickin a man.
Posted by LSUJML
Central
Member since May 2008
49939 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:40 pm to
Do you work?
Posted by Rouge
Floston Paradise
Member since Oct 2004
137765 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:41 pm to
quote:

And the “just adopt” thing is beyond insulting to someone dealing with infertility. No one “just adopts”. That in itself is its own painful process that isn’t guaranteed to give you a child as well. That said....adoption was something my husband and I had always agreed on that was something that just wasn’t for us personally.



You don't want a child

You want your child

And I guess that is okay
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
68402 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:42 pm to
Of course, I have to to keep a roof over my head. I don’t get satisfaction or ambition from my job beyond a paycheck. I don’t really care about advancement.
This post was edited on 2/17/20 at 1:44 pm
Posted by Globetrotter747
Member since Sep 2017
4874 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:42 pm to
quote:

Humans aren't meant to be monogamous.


Much more so for men than women. It’s irrational for a man to monogamous for two reasons:

1. Women have to bear children and are more or less all equal in this ability. Men, however, provide resources and this can range from Joe working the register at McDonald’s for minimum wage to a billionaire like Jeff Bezos.

2. Women (generally) can only produce one child every nine months regardless of any other factors. Men, however, could produce thousands of children in a lifetime.

If the point of the game is to reproduce, why would someone like a Jeff Bezos invest all of his immense resources into one woman? It makes sense for a woman to be monogamous because she can only have one kid every nine months anyway, so she might as well shack up with one guy and siphon his resources into her limited offspring.

Marriage plays to a woman’s biology much more than it does a man’s. And when you also consider societal factors like men getting screwed in divorce and child support and alimony, it makes no sense for a man to marry.
Posted by RogerTheShrubber
Juneau, AK
Member since Jan 2009
281853 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:43 pm to
quote:

My therapist says that I actually crave the negative consequences because I am punishing myself for some reason I don’t even know or remember. That I’m like a teenager acting out so his parents will pay attention to him, but I’m a grown arse man, so no one is going to check me for being a lazy slob.



You're still a young guy, lots of time to figure it out. Don't overanalyze it, just be who you are. There will come a day when you'll appreciate each season of life.

I went through amid life crisis and while it was not productive and actually destructive, I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.
Posted by LouisianaLady
Member since Mar 2009
82175 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 1:45 pm to
Do you think that is something that will come? Like is it just because of what you've gone through lately?

I have no idea, but I would have to imagine it must be incredibly difficult trying to date when you admittedly have no motivation or ambition in every facet of your life, no?
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