re: Dear diary, tired of living (update pg 15)

I worked with a guy whose grandfather committed suicide when his father was young. He said his dad had spent his entire life wondering “why wasn’t I enough”.

He almost said it in passing but that really stuck with me. His father had carried weight of believing his entire life that he wasn’t enough of a reason for his father to choose life.

Never leave your daughter wondering this. Wake up every morning with the goal of getting through the day for her if not for yourself.

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I hope you don't take this as being harsh, but the most selfish thing someone can do is commit suicide. It is a cowardly act and leaves everyone who is still here to deal with the aftermath.

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Funny, I thought of suicide, but realized My family would have been happy. frick them!!!!! I stay alive for me. F them a-holes

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The joys of being alone now.

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I fricked up with the love of my life when I was in my 20s and I hated my life for over a decade. I’d say over that 12 or 13 year period I slept maybe 3 hours a night. I was constantly in a bad mood, cut off damn near everyone in my life, and generally hated life 99% of the time. I figured I’d die old, alone, and miserable…I had no desire to meet anyone and nothing made me happy. A couple years ago I met my wife and she changed my life.

I’m not an encouraging person, it’s never been my nature, but I genuinely hope you find some purpose again. Wasting away sucks. I’ve been there.

Sorry you're going through this.

I hope that you get to have your daughter when she's born.

Little girls are amazing and you can't help but smile when with them. Now when they become teens there's constant drama but they still need you.

Your daughter will love you despite what your wife does.

I felt this way not long ago. Demonic forces are real and they want to destroy you. The beauty is in the struggle. You might be tired, but God renews our strength. Pray for protection against evil attacks.

Been thinking about this a couple of times since you posted. You've had good advice here and in your other threads so I'm going to say something that's bothering me.

You're expecting a child. Now, that should be quite enough to bring you to your senses but if you're not careful, very f'ing careful, you're close to crossing a Rubicon.

You need to understand that under no circumstance can your wife know you're thinking like this. It can't be told to her by anyone. Why? You're going to be OK. You're going to wake up. But, 08, if she finds out you're thinking like this she's almost certainly going to use this against you re: custody. Not because she hates you. Not because you're a bad guy going through pain. But because she's about to be a Mom. You may think oh she wouldn't do that but trust me/us... she would. I'm talking court order supervised visitation type scenarios. Texas courts don't play. Want to really lose your head? Meet your child at birth and then face losing her. Don't fricking risk it. And if you've confided with anyone, get busy repairing. Don't let me/us all down.

OP, I was kind of in the same boat.

met a girl - she was across the country from me, but we made it work. I moved to her town, supported her and her 2 kids and got engaged.

9 months later, found out she was seeing someone else on the side. found out because her son asked if the other guy was her new fiance - turns out she got engaged to him while engaged to me.

I moved back home, and got my old job back, filed bankruptcy because i was financially fricked from it all. lived alone 3 years miserable, and having to self value or confidence. drank a bit, never too bad, but started down the path o drinking more and more.

just when I said frick it all, I met my now wife. I had no intention of ever getting into another relationship, felt worthless and that I offered nothign to the world as a whole, and she proved to me that I do matter.

we have been together 13 years, and married for 10 and all I can say, is the suggestions presented by others is true - you matter, it does get better and you will come out far stronger than you ever considered possible.

at my darkest time, my best friend called me and I told him i was considering ending it all. he immediately drove to my apartment and sat and just listened to me. find a true friend that will do that for you, it truly helps immeasurably.

and lastly, your Daughter deserves to know her father, and to know how awesome and strong he is having battled through this adversity - this will show your daughter, no matter how hard life gets - you can persevere and be ok.

i wish you all the best

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I hope you don't take this as being harsh, but the most selfish thing someone can do is commit suicide. It is a cowardly act and leaves everyone who is still here to deal with the aftermath.

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Im going to say no on this.

If i had no family and had terminal cancer, why would i be selfish just ending it instead of suffering and going bankrupt in the process?

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Thats a little different than the OP situation

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Uh yeah, a little bit of an understatement haha.

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Email me at username@gmail.com if you would like to talk more.

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Richardlong10plus

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No… I don’t think I will be doing that