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Dating Morality Thread: Dating with No Intention of a Serious Relationship

Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:46 am
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421781 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:46 am
is this wrong?

i can give 2 sorts of examples that i believe are common to most people

1. an older lady who is fun, but not really a long-term option (age, kids, lack of potential to have kids, etc). we'll call her classy.

2. a younger girl who is immature with warning signs re: marriage. we'll call her the brat. not a long-term option b/c you know she'll become too demanding and is highly likely to let herself go once she gets into a settled relationship. perfect for flirty dating, but a terrible option for a LTR

is is wrong to casually date in this instance when you have absolutely no intention of any sort of real commitment, other than an exclusive sexual relationship? is there a societal pressure, expectation, and/or meme that it is immoral? there is a pervasive theme of "wasting her time" or "leading her on".

and my examples are female, but this could apply the other way. it just seems less damaging b/c females have a shorter aesthetic/breeding window than males and males have much less risk when engaging in sex (b/c no matter what, we cannot get pregnant, which is a very costly potential option).

this isn't about a "hook up" based "relationship" either. it's an exclusive thing that will never amount to major commitment and can end at any time

ADD ON: do you think a person has a duty in a relationship to tell the other person there is no long-term/serious future?
This post was edited on 4/1/15 at 10:03 am
Posted by DirtyMikeandtheBoys
Member since May 2011
19419 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:47 am to
Don't care had sex
Posted by Salmon
On the trails
Member since Feb 2008
83525 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:48 am to
define serious relationship

is that solely co-habitation or marriage?
Posted by LSUBoo
Knoxville, TN
Member since Mar 2006
101915 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:48 am to
I don't really see the point in being "exclusive" with someone if you don't have any intention of it being a serious relationship.

I don't think it's wrong though, if that's what you want to do.
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
67010 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:48 am to
In the short term, no. If you keep dating them longer than say, 3 months or so, you should be upfront with them. A lot of women don't desire a serious relationship either. If you're upfront about your intentions and they're ok with it, then there is no moral dilemma.
Posted by Jones
Member since Oct 2005
90447 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:49 am to
quote:

is this wrong?



No

quote:

an older lady who is fun, but not really a long-term option (age, kids, lack of potential to have kids, etc). we'll call her classy. 


Don't ever call her that
Posted by tjohn deaux
GA
Member since Feb 2007
10170 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:49 am to
It's not wrong. I have never successfully maintained that status, however.
Posted by jvilletiger25
jacksonville, fl
Member since Jan 2014
16993 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:49 am to
If you're upfront about it, I don't see a problem.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421781 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:49 am to
quote:

is that solely co-habitation or marriage?

it doesn't have to go all the way to marriage
Posted by SuperSaint
Sorting Out OT BS Since '2007'
Member since Sep 2007
140462 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:50 am to
What is this thread? What's the point you trying to make?

Is this a spinoff of another thread?
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421781 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:50 am to
quote:

I don't really see the point in being "exclusive" with someone if you don't have any intention of it being a serious relationship.

decreased chance of STDs than randomized sexual behavior (this assumes you're logical and have seen a recent STD test of the dating partner)
Posted by Salmon
On the trails
Member since Feb 2008
83525 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:51 am to
quote:

it doesn't have to go all the way to marriage


but at least living together?

or is there a certain time that the relationship becomes serious?

Posted by SuperSaint
Sorting Out OT BS Since '2007'
Member since Sep 2007
140462 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:51 am to
quote:

2. a younger girl who is immature with warning signs re: marriage. we'll call her the brat. not a long-term option b/c you know she'll become too demanding and is highly likely to let herself go once she gets into a settled relationship. perfect for flirty dating, but a terrible option for a LTR

Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421781 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:52 am to
quote:

What is this thread? What's the point you trying to make?

it's not a point. it's a legitimate question.

quote:

Is this a spinoff of another thread?


nope. this is a classic "SFP and society" thread
Posted by Pilot Tiger
North Carolina
Member since Nov 2005
73142 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:52 am to
I'm in this position now.

She's fine with it because I've been upfront about it
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421781 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:52 am to
quote:

but at least living together?

no. that's serious to me.

quote:

or is there a certain time that the relationship becomes serious?

i think it's a grey area, but living together is CERTAINLY serious (unless i guess you were roomates who started to bnag each other, but that seems like more of the "hook up culture")
Posted by Salmon
On the trails
Member since Feb 2008
83525 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:53 am to
quote:

I'm in this position now.


thought you were married...
Posted by Pilot Tiger
North Carolina
Member since Nov 2005
73142 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:53 am to
I have a mistress
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421781 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:54 am to
quote:

She's fine with it because I've been upfront about it

my last "relationship" was in this manner. we both agreed that if we were going to bang somebody else we'd tell the other. otherwise we'd hang out a lot and frick around some. she had eyes on a guy and told me, and there were no issues. we're still friends
Posted by Salmon
On the trails
Member since Feb 2008
83525 posts
Posted on 4/1/15 at 9:54 am to
quote:

i think it's a grey area, but living together is CERTAINLY serious


ok

so 2 people that are dating, exclusive, but don't live together, but say have been together for a year

are they serious?

because at some point it does become a waste of time if you are not "serious"
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