re: Complicated marriage/legal question involving finances

Again, get off this board, get on the phones with an attorney, hire a PI, and if you believe your wife is ill (whatever the cause) take proactive steps to get her committed and save your daughter.

There are no other answers to seek.

Can you address your thought process of being ok with your youngest being with your wife while she is exhibiting all of this behavior?

You mentioned it in passing and others have asked about it and you just keep glossing over it. Maybe we misunderstood

I'm curious as to how you are ok with this...

I understand your desire not to drop a bomb on your life, but I implore you not to ignore the literal dozens of people saying protect your children in favor of the one or two saying “just love her better.”

You can do both, I suppose, but you *need* to be sure your children are safe. She is very unstable.

I am a mother. If I were acting this way, I pray my husband would protect our kids and take whatever measures are necessary to prevent me from hurting them or others.

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Even writing this, i feel convicted to be a more loving husband and ignore her crazy shite and focus on the easiest way to get her help and it’s easier when she isn’t antagonized

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Sometimes protecting your wife from herself is the best way to love her. Using conventional marital saving techniques in a non conventional situation will not help. The easiest path is not always the correct one. You are blinded by your desire for normalcy. I pray for you and your wife. This will be a long and arduous journey if you wish to take it with her. Either way, an attorney needs to be called now.

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Can you address your thought process of being ok with your youngest being with your wife while she is exhibiting all of this behavior?

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I’m not ok with it …i asked her not to bring him - i honestly don’t know how to stop an adult from doing something aside from getting physical/ i don’t have a legal reason so i doesn’t matter to involve LEOs unless it’s a Baker Act

And a point of clarity - when i say hotel living …she isn’t holed up in a hotel - she is just traveling to different cities but the past week as been w/ our youngest

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i honestly don’t know how to stop an adult from doing something aside from getting physical

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if you’ve said anything like this to her, then it makes all of this make a little more sense…

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She accused me of being controlling etc but honestly, i don’t care

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most of this month she has been hotel living bc she says she feels unsafe around me etc

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I know tons of ppl on here are saying “get a lawyer” etc but i swore to love her in sickness and health. - I’m not going to caste her aside during this time- especially because of our children (we have 4, three boys and one girl) need to see a loving father.

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That's all well and good, but talk to a lawyer any way and protect yourself and your kids. Right now, only one person wants to preserve and fix the marriage -- it takes two.

I hope you can get things straightened out, and that would be the best possible outcome, but that does not mean you should avoid taking prudent steps now to protect yourself, your finances, and your children.

A legal separation may be a good intermediate step, but talk to a lawyer and find out your options like today.

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i honestly don’t know how to stop an adult from doing something aside from getting physical

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Hmm, thats not the greatest thing to admit....

Not saying this is the case, but that makes it sound like you dont know how to communicate and think the only solution is to get physical....

Which like the guy above said, kinda starts to paint a little different picture here. Or maybe you meant that differently...

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i don’t have a legal reason

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Which is kind of the issue. You dont have one, because you havent started it. As a father of 3, If I was truly concerned, I can tell you without the shadow of a doubt I would have already contacted LEOs and an attorney. If only for the kids' sakes.

Man I wish you nothing but the best and hope this all works out for you

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but i swore to love her in sickness and health. - I’m not going to caste her aside during this time- especially because of our children (we have 4, three boys and one girl) need to see a loving father

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Even writing this, i feel convicted to be a more loving husband and ignore her crazy shite and focus on the easiest way to get her help and it’s easier

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I want to say again that this is coming from someone who has lived something close to this. Also, this is coming from a place that knowing you need to hear this:

WHAT YOU ARE SAYING IS COMPLETE bullshite. YOU ARE NOT PROTECTING YOUR CHILDREN AND YOU ARE FAILING AS A PARENT.

You have a duty to your children to keep them safe no matter what the threat is. If you wife is on drugs/psychotic/schizophrenic/whatever, you have a duty to your children first. Would you let your child go with another person with the issues your wife is presenting? If you found out their teacher was acting this way would you want them to be in a room with your child? It doesn't matter "who" she is. You have to protect your children from any possible threat.

You are in denial and being lazy. You will one day utterly regret not taking care of your children earlier. It will haunt you.

You also have a duty to safe guard your financial situation for your children as well as yourself. Hell, if she gets help and gets ok, she will appreciate you keeping her from ruining you both financially during this time.

You keep mention that you ignore your gut feelings. One day you will wake up and regret the steps that you know you should do now.
If you wife gets help, that's great. But you cannot ignore the clear and present danger that she presents at this time.

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- when i say hotel living …she isn’t holed up in a hotel - she is just traveling to different cities

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She doesn’t work. Why is she traveling to different cities? I’m still thinking drugs.