re: Brother going through a divorce...

Yep. Facebook is the life you want everyone to think you have. It sets an artificially high lifestyle bar that leaves many women feeling underserved.

Other issues affecting modern marriage are credit card debt, disproportionate mortgage to income, online shopping, and desensitization of infidelity and divorce.

Another big one is over-parenting. Spending every waking second on the kid's sports, throwing elaborate birthday parties, wildly expensive or age inappropriate gifts, allowing the children to dictate all social activities is all bad for a marriage and even worse for kids.

Learning how to love takes a lifetime of witness and action, and it’s something far more delicate and valuable than most men comprehend. Having a beautiful loving wife is something cosmic, dangerous, and something you REALLY REALLY want.

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It's funny to me how we as guys expect the women in our lives to respect and desire us no different from pre-marriage to post-marriage but as soon as we put a ring on them, we stop giving chase.

Gentlemen, kindly wake the frick up! The street runs both ways. Stop showing your desire for her outside the bedroom and she will deal with it for a while depending on her own willpower and other circumstances, but if you start adding on top of it parental or money struggles and you are basically creating a situation that's a 180 from what you married her into.

I speak this from experience. It was a hard lesson to learn myself. After all the sacrifices I've made over the years for her, why the frick does she still need this pursuit?

She. just. does.

It's just how they're wired.

Accept it, rearrange some priorities, start treating her like the old days and your marriage will be strong as frick.

Simple concept. Hard execution. Worth it all.

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You get it. Between this post and BurningHeart's post a few posts above your, you both are ABSOLUTELY correct.

Is it a shitty situation? Yes. But let's not pretend we men don't also have fault in this.

A very wise and old man once explained marriage in the best analogy I've ever heard:

Men and women both have metaphorical containers that need to be filled. Men have a few containers that need to be filled in the respect category and of course, in the sex category. Women have containers that need to be filled in the "tell me I'm pretty" category. The "Shower me with the same attention and courting you did when you were actually courting me to frick me phase" container. The "provide for me" container.

These said containers are all stemmed from evolutionary traits. So to act like women care about this shite without acknowledging we have our own "containers" that need to be filled is disingenuous.

The part that each party in the relationship need to understand is that said containers have holes in them. Meaning, you can't tell your wife she's beautiful and find her extremely sexy just once or twice and expect her container to be filled. Just like she can't expect men to be happy with a once a month romp.

These needs/containers have holes in them and need to be refilled everyday.

If you look at these needs from a 30,000 ft perspective, you'll notice they are directly tied to each other. They have to be maintained in balance for the relationship to be at equilibrium (i..e, in a happy place). You keep doing all the shite you were doing when you were trying to get in them panties and she will in turn fill your container with pussy and respect. It's a delicate balance.

The issue is that kids, grind, life get in the way and sometimes, no containers get filled. We all are gonna find a way to get our shite filled.

It's the exact reason why when a divorce ensues, what's the first goddamn thing guys tell other guys? "Go find pussy"

And the reason why women look for new men and have other women in their ear, "oh, girl...he bought me XYZ...he took me to XYZ"

At the end of the day, we just want our buckets filled.

Also, to the OP.

You're brother sounds like he just wants to blame someone/something for his marriage falling apart without taking responsibility.

When a marriage fails, suddenly each person is a goddamn martyr and loves to claim they acted in such a pristine manner during the marriage.

No one ever says, "you know, I was an a-hole. I never gave you the attention you wanted so I understand you went and found it somewhere else." Or "you know, I understand you would have been okay with hitting the grind for our family if I would have just given you more pussy and told you that you're the best provider we could desire."

No one wants to talk about what they should/could have done...immature and frustrated people want to point fingers at the other party.

Bottom line to brother, stop with the whiney bullshite about "all it took was opening a door and smiling back then" nonsense.
That's like saying a guy would maintain his satisfaction in the relationship if the women just kept flashing her titties and that's it. Yeah, in the very beginning of the relationship, like week 1, your new girl flashing her titties is all fun/cute/exciting...in week 637, yeah I'm gonna need more than tits being flashed at me.

As the relationship grows, females want to be provided for and men want sex and respect.

Of fricking course a smile and wink grabs a woman's attention. That is an evolutionary traits for both sexes. Guys do that shite for the end game to get laid...you don't do that for other guys.

And women's ears/eyes perk up because that's a show or symbol that "this guy would provide for me and my young"

Tough break for your brother, but it sounds like he didn't get it and wants to point 100% blame on the wife.

Then to top it off, by sending you some whiney shite, "remember in the good ole days when all you had to do was wink or help someone out and the girl stayed interested in you?" Get the frick.outta here with that kid mentality.

Absolutely, brother.

Now, do we have outliers out there with shitty women and shitty men that get their containers filled and still act foul? Of course.

But the majority of people would stay put of their shite was getting filled. Let's also not neglect the fact that if people had the ability to SELF-REFLECT and know how to have a dialogue, a lot of shite would possibly get solved.

Lots of unhappy people have this illusion or expectation that the other party should know their bucket isn't getting filled. You have to talk about shite. It's an absolute must. Communication is key.

What are the chances that people have truly had a heart-to-heart before hastily putting divorce on the table?

All of this sage advice given by well adjusted husbands with well adjusted wives is MEANINGLESS if said wife is or BECOMES just batshit crazy. Women have mid life crises too. Sometimes the preacher’s 50 year old wife really does become a Wiccan lesbian, lol. Humans are fricking weird.

All of that is completely true. Which is why happily married people in our culture tend to have a strong spiritual/religious/philosophical commitment to the business/practical side of marriage. And they are also able to understand their physical and psychological yearnings and compartmentalize them. They are well grounded because they possess the tools to understand these things.

I think these are a minority of people.

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LSUA 75

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you must be so much fun at parties

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There are two sides to every story and then there’s the truth.

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I say a variation of this all the time-
“There’s three sides to every story: yours, mine and the truth.”