BR Mayor and BRPD Chief Murphy Small Issue Moratorium on Violent Crime in Baton Rouge

BATON ROUGE, La - With the latest annexations of St. George residents into the city of Baton Rouge, Mayor Broome and newly appointed Police Chief Murphy Small have called for a temporary moratorium on murders and most other violent crimes within the city limits. Shoplifting will be exempt from the moratorium and residents are urged to continue stealing from retail stores instead of getting jobs.

"Ultimately, our goal is to make the newest Baton Rouge residents feel at home," said a parish spokesperson. "Since St. George has only had about 5 murders in 2021 compared to the 115 in the city, we want to give our newest residents a little time to slowly get adjusted from being a resident of St. George to being a resident of Baton Rouge," she said. "Once the new citizens begin to get comfortable in their new city and start to feel the economic effects from the $80-$100 per year in property taxes they will be saving by opting out of St. George, we will slowly allow our residents to resume the carjackings and shootings zip code by zip code," she said.


Baton Rouge Mayor along with recently appointed Chief Murphy Small

The spokesperson told us that East Baton Rouge Parish public schools are exempt from the moratorium since none of the newly annexed residents were crazy enough to take their children out of those cushy private schools they attend and enroll them in EBR public schools. "Elementary students of our public school system are invited to continue stealing loaded guns from their parent and bringing them to school as they have been doing for years," she told The Sadvocate.

The administration was unable to provide a projected date that the moratorium would be lifted, but suggested we ask residents to "just stop shooting each other at least for a couple of weeks until yall hear back from us."