re: At what point is the marriage not worth it

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Why do people seem to take pride in saying 'marriage is hard work'?

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I don't think people take pride in that. They are just stating something that is very true about marriage.


Too many people(ESPECIALLY women) have an unrealistic view of marriage. They think once they get married, all those issues they had while dating magically goes away. Or...like another poster mentioned...they feel "unhappy" and want to rush to leave the marriage without putting in the work and effort truly needed to have a healthy, successful marriage.

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it doesn't appear they ever mention being happy

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Many that I know that have said it was hard work have also talked about how they did have rough patches that they worked through and are now very happy in their marriage.

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Gulf Coast Tiger

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What he said. Except thirty years. It was not always easy. There were plenty of difficult and trying times. But I am thankful we stayed together.

That is a very good point.

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Your point is good for the short term events like a funeral or college, where unhappiness is certain but temporary. But marriage and job are long term commitments, and whether we acknowledge it or not, when we make those commitments, we are expecting a similar commitment in return to give us more happiness than unhappiness. Once this ratio of happiness to unhappiness falls below our threshold for an extended period of time, it is the same as if that implied commitment has been broken and a person should be able to choose to honor their side or not guilt free.

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I think you make a great point. There's a middle ground between "frick happiness, stay miserable till you die" and "gtfo at the first sign of problems." Of course, even with long term misery, one should do everything they can to change things before exiting the marriage (via whatever means).

I've known of many marriages where one spouse treated the other like shite thinking that was okay and they weren't going anywhere, then when the mistreated spouse left or cheated they were branded as the a-hole POS.

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DupontsCircle

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has anyone told you today that you are pretty damn creepy?

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Or...like another poster mentioned...they feel "unhappy" and want to rush to leave the marriage

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I'm not talking about any rush job, or not trying to figure out how it got that way. I'm talking about two people that have changed so much that they just aren't who they want to be anymore.

I had a front row ticket to that show, and I can truly say sometimes divorce is the best thing that can happen to some couples.
I've seen it change two people so much for the good that no one can tell me otherwise.

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Anybody told you today you are pretty damn stupid?

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nope, but the day is still young

Marriage is a contrived social construct developed and perpetuated by the church. It isn't normal for human beings. That's why half end in divorce. You get conditioned to believe all kinds of bullshite growing up in this country about what you "should" do to be a happy human being. But the vast majority of it is just what your parents were spoonfed to them by their parents and probably whatever religious upbringing they had.

See how they scurry away when you call them out. All this advice on marriage but forgets the fundamentals.

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Marriage is a contrived social construct developed and perpetuated by the church. It isn't normal for human beings.

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You're married aren't you. And bitter about it.