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re: You're all sleeping but I've made a huge mistake - please help
Posted on 7/31/16 at 10:10 am to dabigfella
Posted on 7/31/16 at 10:10 am to dabigfella
quote:Good luck with that. Early in our marriage we had the same mentality, but realized there always is going to be some sort of next milestone in life. Kids are scary for people who plan their careers and finances to a tee.
And I'm saying me not having kids doesn't mean I don't understand, it means some of us choose to not have kids till we're set in every way.
So at about 27 we realized we were still five years away (probably a rolling five years) from being "ready for kids". But we wanted to be young parents and have quailty of life eventually with grandkids too. So we threw our master plans and spreadsheets aside and started having kids.
Not waiting any longer to have kids is the best decision we could have made. The kids are awesome and fun, and everything has worked out financially with a few adjustments.
So I think it's nonsense to judge that the OP had kids too soon.
1
Posted on 7/31/16 at 10:15 am to Bayou Tiger
well is it fair to say that if he didnt he wouldnt be going through such a headache right now? Would his wife have to work for $10k a year if they didnt have kids? Would they have to have a place thats costing $1500/mo because they needed the extra space? You guys are going completely off tangent about the kids all because I thought it was free to put the kids in public school, mea culpa, I dont know the ins and outs of the american public school system. I now know that it is indeed not free till kindergarten, ok, now we have a 2 year gap we have to fill where this man must pay for the kids schooling/daycare whatever. I say take on the $500/month loss via 0% APR credit cards and just move on in 2 years when the kid can go to public schools free and then have your wife get a real job. Youll be out of this in no time and your shiny new $100k/yr job will pay off your debts. There is nothing to stress over, using cheap debts to finance a great career is fine, its not like you're taking on 24.99% APR credit card debts man, relax,breath, it will be ok.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 10:24 am to StringedInstruments
OP, how long is grad school? Look man, many people panic in this situation. Have wife call duplex manager to take care of any problems they may can fix. Give it a week, calm down, and then discuss everything again with your wife. Take a deep breath and relax, what you are going through isn't uncommon for people to have some anxiety.
Obviously by my screenname I've never been to grad school. If you got in a good one surely you can fight that bear for what? 1-4 years, how long again? You will make friends in school, some, in the same exact situation you are in. Once you get that first week out of the way, you will calm down. Having your wife support you, will make things much easier. You got this.
Obviously by my screenname I've never been to grad school. If you got in a good one surely you can fight that bear for what? 1-4 years, how long again? You will make friends in school, some, in the same exact situation you are in. Once you get that first week out of the way, you will calm down. Having your wife support you, will make things much easier. You got this.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 10:26 am to dabigfella
Sure, all of that makes sense. But he is trying to deal with the situation at hand, which includes a kid.
Really the biggest problem is if he takes on debt and quits halfway through. It's all or nothing at this point.
Really the biggest problem is if he takes on debt and quits halfway through. It's all or nothing at this point.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 10:28 am to Bayou Tiger
I agree, he sounds pretty unsure right now which isnt a good sign. If he's intent on finishing it, then do it, he basically has 2 years left till the kid can go to free school and then his wife can get a job and help pay down the accumulated debt which at $500/month is only $12,000 in 2 years. That is really nothing to fret over. Especially when the pot and the end of the rainbow is $1.5M more over a 30 year career.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 11:04 am to Bayou Tiger
I appreciate all of the responses.
I think I'm just ready to take over my own finances and provide for my family with a steady career with a decent, livable income. I hate that it took traveling all the damn way here for it all to boil over, but my gut is really pushing me to go home.
I know earning Potential is higher after grad school, but I'm not sure that is a high enough probability for me to not take advantage of a stable $50k/year job with great benefits and plenty of time to earn side income. My wife is also going to go back to work full time (teacher) once our kids are in school, so with her master's degree, we'd make $100k for the last twenty years of our careers. Certainly not impoverished.
Thanks again.
I think I'm just ready to take over my own finances and provide for my family with a steady career with a decent, livable income. I hate that it took traveling all the damn way here for it all to boil over, but my gut is really pushing me to go home.
I know earning Potential is higher after grad school, but I'm not sure that is a high enough probability for me to not take advantage of a stable $50k/year job with great benefits and plenty of time to earn side income. My wife is also going to go back to work full time (teacher) once our kids are in school, so with her master's degree, we'd make $100k for the last twenty years of our careers. Certainly not impoverished.
Thanks again.
This post was edited on 7/31/16 at 11:06 am
Posted on 7/31/16 at 11:20 am to NewIberiaHaircut
quote:
And Whataburger for breakfast is trashy as frick.
Hold your goddamn horses with all this bullshite, baw
Posted on 7/31/16 at 11:25 am to dabigfella
quote:
dabigfella
somebody cue the watch out we got a badass over here gif
kids are great man. are you under 40?
Posted on 7/31/16 at 11:28 am to Fat Bastard
I am indeed mid 30s. I plan on having kids in 3-4 years when I decide to settle down and lease out my businesses. The wife will be a doctor then and I can be a stay at home dad who can golf,play with stocks, and be at home when the kid comes home from school. Thats the only reason we held back.....we had a plan, i know its shocking in this day in age to plan ahead, but some of us still do that.
This post was edited on 7/31/16 at 11:31 am
Posted on 7/31/16 at 11:35 am to StringedInstruments
I know you have already made the decision but I have a serious question because I grew up in Bham: What is the earning potential difference of going to a top 5 school vs Samford, BSC or even UAB?
I have numerous friends (although not in education) that went to UA, AU, etc for BS/BA and then went off to top tier programs intending on masters and doctorates. Most eventually returned to finish in Bham.
My mother-in-law just retired in academia from Samford. She loved it.
I have numerous friends (although not in education) that went to UA, AU, etc for BS/BA and then went off to top tier programs intending on masters and doctorates. Most eventually returned to finish in Bham.
My mother-in-law just retired in academia from Samford. She loved it.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 11:42 am to dabigfella
quote:
Thats the only reason we held back.....we had a plan, i know its shocking in this day in age to plan ahead, but some of us still do that.
I don't have kids, but this comes off as incredibly pretentious. There's nothing wrong with you wanting to plan everything out, just like there's nothing wrong with people having kids before they're completely "ready." There is no exact formula to getting life right. Perhaps the plan for a lot of people IS to have children, and everything else revolves around it. I mean, reproduction is the reason every living thing is on this planet. Often, creating a family takes precedence over creating an ideal situation for that family.
What happens if you get killed in your Rolls leaving Whataburger today? You spent your life creating a perfect plan for a family you'll never have
Posted on 7/31/16 at 11:45 am to AutoYes_Clown
It's probably the same but prestige of the university can help. It's also easier to make connections and do projects at a top program because they provide more funding. So a mid tier program will provide a few hundred dollars to go to a conference if you're presenting. My program offers $750 for one conference a year presenting or not plus $750 for any other that you're presenting at.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 11:45 am to dabigfella
quote:
who can golf
You're going to get laughed out of whatever country club you want to join with this kind of language.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 11:47 am to dabigfella
quote:
I am indeed mid 30s.
still young, that's great
quote:
i know its shocking in this day in age to plan ahead, but some of us still do that.
please tell me where i said that was bad? TIA!
and you're never going to have everything perfect...
been there done that. you can definitely makes things better but something will always pop up.
This post was edited on 7/31/16 at 11:48 am
Posted on 7/31/16 at 11:53 am to AlexLSU
quote:
What happens if you get killed in your Rolls leaving Whataburger today? You spent your life creating a perfect plan for a family you'll never have
All Im saying is the OP is the damn leader of this household, he's george washington of this household and the guy isn't even 100% sure about wtf he wants in life. That's not a leader, thats beta as hell. You have a wife and kid depending on you and you need to know, do I want this degree or not, not I want it but i regret not staying home and making $50k a year. Ok I want it, this is what I need from the wife, ok I dont want, then why did I drag them up here. I mean no offense to the OP but man you must have had months to think this over, and now you get up there and you're having a panic attack over $500/mo in the hole? That hole is nominal at best, its not like you're taking on $200,000 in student debt to go to an ivy league school.I dont know man but a little more planning on your end in every aspect from financials to finding a nice condo/townhome whatever by doing a little more homework wouldn't have left you so stressed out.
Life is what you make of it, the only limits on income are what you and your wife are willing to put in. If the strain is this unbearable and the absolute most your wife can do right now is work for $10k a year then I dont know what to tell you.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 11:56 am to Teddy Ruxpin
quote:
Not contradicting you at all I just thought I'd share this. Wife and I check out a house to buy yesterday and seller came home early. We find out she works at UT. Wife asks me what I thought she did there and I said "Probably women or gender studies"
No shite, gender studies and makes $106,000 a year. Her profile uses "Ze" as pronouns. I was dying.
Anywho OP, you should also consider educational operations positions instead of just teaching. There are also consulting jobs in the field. Something to think about.
In what area are you looking in Austin? I had a very similar thing happen to me last week
Posted on 7/31/16 at 12:17 pm to Fat Bastard
quote:
please tell me where i said that was bad? TIA!
just as i thought, you can't bigfeller
Posted on 7/31/16 at 12:24 pm to StringedInstruments
My father is a PhD (J.D too) and presents at conferences. He gets "hired" by national orginizations. It absolutely had everything to do with connections and networking.
My father is a life-long student. He tells me his #1 regret is going after degree after degree instead of buckling down and working professionally and doing private research sooner.
Good luck!
My father is a life-long student. He tells me his #1 regret is going after degree after degree instead of buckling down and working professionally and doing private research sooner.
Good luck!
Posted on 7/31/16 at 12:26 pm to StringedInstruments
Suck it up buttercup. A little adversity and you want to quit. Go back home and get a participation trophy.
Posted on 7/31/16 at 12:27 pm to tigerfan182
thank you tigerfan, finally a voice of reason in here.
Good God grow a pair of nuts already. Read this aloud and think really long and hard about this and how many of those problems fall on your shoulders. Your wife isnt excited about the new place? Then she should help you out by making more than $10k/yr, why is it all your responsibility to go to school and pick up extra income, whats her role.... is this the kind of partner you want? Complains but wont do more to help? I almost feel bad for your family that you are their leader and you have all these question marks from lack of planning a situation that you've known for probably a while would come. You sound like a nice guy and you have good intentions, but you have a family now, you have to think ahead, you have to plan ahead and clearly you didn't for this big step in your life.
quote:
The duplex I picked out smells like mold. There's no a/c. My wife is far from excited about this place. It's $1500/month. For a dump.
I could have moved back to BHam and made $50k/year as a teacher. I make about $10k-$15k/year on the side as a guitar player/teacher.
Instead we're in the hole unless I pick up quite a bit of extra income.
We want more kids. I just want to provide for my family. I thought this would be a good long term investment but it's not. We'll be dead broke with no family or social network to support us. I'll make $60k-$70k if I'm lucky enough to land a tenure track job.
The moving truck is full and sitting in the drive way. Helpers are scheduled to come at noon
Tomorrow to help unload.
I'm thinking itd be better to go back. Store our stuff in a POD, and look for a job while living with my parents.
Good God grow a pair of nuts already. Read this aloud and think really long and hard about this and how many of those problems fall on your shoulders. Your wife isnt excited about the new place? Then she should help you out by making more than $10k/yr, why is it all your responsibility to go to school and pick up extra income, whats her role.... is this the kind of partner you want? Complains but wont do more to help? I almost feel bad for your family that you are their leader and you have all these question marks from lack of planning a situation that you've known for probably a while would come. You sound like a nice guy and you have good intentions, but you have a family now, you have to think ahead, you have to plan ahead and clearly you didn't for this big step in your life.
This post was edited on 7/31/16 at 12:42 pm
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