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re: How to Get Rich - netflix
Posted on 4/30/23 at 10:29 am to molsusports
Posted on 4/30/23 at 10:29 am to molsusports
quote:
My brother's wife had around six figures of credit card debt he didn't know about until around six months into the marriage when she was pregnant
That's a nightmare.
0
Posted on 4/30/23 at 10:39 am to RoyalWe
quote:
I'm shocked at the number of responses in this thread about not understanding why people have separate checking accounts, and the interpretation is that the partners aren't in a real marriage or are trying to hide something. I've told my story before, but I'll repeat it.
I'm a saver/investor. My wife is a spendthrift. When we first got married we got a joint checking account. We were starting our lives out of college with new jobs and just setting up things financially, so this made perfect sense.
Fast forward a few years into the marriage and I see a credit card bill on the kitchen counter for several thousands of dollars. This was decades ago, so multiply that by the cost of living. I lost my shite. Philosophically, I do not carry short-term debt. It just is not going to happen. It's for suckers, and it makes life harder, especially if you're a dumbass who is ever-expanding how much you owe taking up your free cash flow. Think about the Federal government's spending habits -- it's just stupid and irresponsible.
I had a very direct conversation with my spouse about paying off this credit card, the difficulties and evils it represents, etc. We paid it off, and she stopped using it as an endless bucket of money, but then her eyes turned to what was in our joint checking account.
In her mind, if there's money in the bank, she needs to spend it down to zero. We are both professionals making good money. At one point, I lost my shite when I couldn't spend $50 because she had spent our account down to nothing.
At that point, I went to my bank and got a separate checking account. I told her how much money I would continue contributing to the joint checking account and the basis for that. If she wanted to live in a way to keep us from growing wealth or saving any money, then I would do what I needed to do to stop that for both of us.
She didn't like it. She was pissed. She got "overdraft protection" for the joint account (and continued to pay interest for decades by carrying an overdraft balance). As long as the major bills got paid, I just bit my lip and let her do her financially-irresponsible things with the standing offer that if she ever wanted to get her financial house in order to let me know.
Fast-forward 30 years and she's finally started to figure some things out. She finally understands what I was doing and why. Even though I would explain to her the value of compounding interest, saving for retirement in her 401k, etc. she did these things lightly. She is thankful that I did what I did because we now have millions saved for retirement -- no thanks to her. It's our money because we are in a marriage. We're starting to go on very nice vacations -- because we can, and I pay for them.
Sometimes people are just who they are, and you must accept that. However, you don't have to live with their decisions if you can take action to protect both yourself and them.
You wrote all of this just to ultimately say that you are
quote:
trying to hide something.
Your entire reasoning was just to hide how much money you have from your spouse so she didn't spend it all.
Posted on 4/30/23 at 10:54 am to bod312
He's not hiding it. He's preventing her from blowing up their future.
Hiding it would be stashing it in crypto, an overseas account, or a LLC the spouse couldn't track down and/or had no way of knowing about.
Hiding it would be stashing it in crypto, an overseas account, or a LLC the spouse couldn't track down and/or had no way of knowing about.
Posted on 4/30/23 at 11:02 am to bod312
quote:If that's what you got out of that then I can't help you.
Your entire reasoning was just to hide how much money you have from your spouse so she didn't spend it all.
Posted on 4/30/23 at 11:05 am to molsusports
quote:
He's not hiding it. He's preventing her from blowing up their future.
How is he preventing her from blowing up their future? Oh thats right by putting some of their money into a separate account she can't see or have access to. Yes, you are correct that isn't hiding money, my bad. I am sure he was having monthly discussions with his wife to let her know how much money was in this non-hidden account.
I think some people are confusing the intentions behind hiding the money versus the actual act of hiding money. He is absolutely hiding money from his spouse with the separate account but his intentions may be good. Of course it would be different if he was using the hidden money to fund a separate family of a mistress instead of securing his and his wife's future but it is still hiding money nonetheless.
Posted on 4/30/23 at 11:21 am to bod312
So just divorce the person who is shite with money? That seems like the alternative
Posted on 4/30/23 at 11:31 am to molsusports
quote:
So just divorce the person who is shite with money? That seems like the alternative
So you can give half of your hard earned money to that person. Great for them not for you. If they ever fix where the woman is entitled to over half of the husband's earnings during a divorce then i imagine the divorce rate would be a lot higher. Ashame a man works half his life only to give half of it up when they call it quits.
Posted on 4/30/23 at 11:38 am to FLObserver
Setting that part aside I challenge the assumption that preventing the spendthrift from squandering all the money is either somehow less respectful or somehow undermining the relationship. Often it is done to preserve the relationship.
Posted on 4/30/23 at 12:06 pm to Jmcc64
quote:
I'm in my mid-late 50's. Always had joint checking account. My parents (married 50+ yrs until fathers death last Dec) always had separate checking. I never asked why. She paid some of the bills out of hers, he paid some out of his. Kinda weird when you think about it. How do you keep that straight? He would write her a check to transfer some money to her account from time to time.
I’m 41 and my wife and I have been married for 15 years. We each have our separate accounts checking/savings and one joint checking/savings account. Each have 401k’s and each have a couple separate investing accounts.
Posted on 4/30/23 at 12:38 pm to Rize
Me and the wife got married out of college when we had nothing. Joint savings and checking. We make all decision jointly. We set up plans together and we save together and basically any major expense we talk. If like we want to spend 10-20 we just spend it but everything else we always talk. No reason not to trust your spouse. If you can’t trust her with money why are you married?
Posted on 4/30/23 at 12:44 pm to tigerbacon
quote:
Me and the wife got married out of college when we had nothing. Joint savings and checking. We make all decision jointly. We set up plans together and we save together and basically any major expense we talk. If like we want to spend 10-20 we just spend it but everything else we always talk. No reason not to trust your spouse. If you can’t trust her with money why are you married?
It’s not that we don’t trust each other it’s just money isn’t an issue and we have never seen the need to switch stuff. We’ve both had Bank of America direct deposits for 20 years as our main account. We opened a local Chase account in case we need cash and both put money in it weekly.
This post was edited on 4/30/23 at 12:46 pm
Posted on 4/30/23 at 2:46 pm to bod312
quote:
Your entire reasoning was just to hide how much money you have from your spouse so she didn't spend it all.
I wouldn’t say this, but he basically ignored her spending problem and just separated his money. She could have easily taken out a few credit cards and run up 6 figures in debt. He didn’t solve her spending problem
Posted on 4/30/23 at 4:45 pm to molsusports
quote:
So just divorce the person who is shite with money? That seems like the alternative
The alternative is to be on the same page before marriage
Posted on 4/30/23 at 5:53 pm to bod312
quote:My wife had the choice of divorcing me. We didn't have any kids. No harm no foul. We knew each other through high school, and she showed no signs of being a dumbass with her money. So, should I have had more intimate discussions about managing finances before getting married? Probably, but I had the discussions I had, and I didn't see any red flags. We were actually separated for a while, but we decided to stay in the marriage with this arrangement. Our business, not yours. You're free to think I'm a dick. I'm not a broke dick though.
How is he preventing her from blowing up their future? Oh thats right by putting some of their money into a separate account she can't see or have access to. Yes, you are correct that isn't hiding money, my bad.
quote:I laughed at this comment because every Sunday I review our finances and tell her what's going on and she can ask whatever questions she has while I've got everything up and open.
I am sure he was having monthly discussions with his wife to let her know how much money was in this non-hidden account.
quote:Is my wife also hiding money from me because I don't know what she has in her personal checking account? Every day there's a package from Amazon with her name on it. Let me be clear here. I don't spend any of the money in the joint account. It's completely under her control. After she realized how much I put into the joint versus my own account she is more than happy with the situation. So, suck it.
I think some people are confusing the intentions behind hiding the money versus the actual act of hiding money. He is absolutely hiding money from his spouse with the separate account but his intentions may be good. Of course it would be different if he was using the hidden money to fund a separate family of a mistress instead of securing his and his wife's future but it is still hiding money nonetheless.
Posted on 4/30/23 at 6:35 pm to RoyalWe
One thing that is certain from reading this thread. Having a joint account makes people pompous, arrogant and controlling. They are trying to tell people they have never met before their relationships are shams and bitter they cannot control total strangers by having them get joint accounts. I still have not heard a single benefit to a joint account that cannot exist with a separate account, other than having control over how the partner spends their money. Lack of trust issues running deep.
Posted on 4/30/23 at 9:13 pm to go ta hell ole miss
I'm really curious as to people's political persuasions for the various options that have been described here. There could be a correlation.
Posted on 4/30/23 at 11:49 pm to RoyalWe
quote:
I'm really curious as to people's political persuasions for the various options that have been described here. There could be a correlation.
Possibly but I don't want to go there with either side of the political spectrum because then all logic goes out the window. People start crying like you've personally attacked their family. I would think the correlation is more how you were raised and what you witnessed. Maybe parents divorced, etc.
I do not have a dog in this fight. I was interested in hearing some stuff from both sides of the argument but one side really is stuck on the "I'm right you wrong bye bye."
Posted on 5/1/23 at 12:18 pm to ShootingsBricks4Life
quote:
I was interested in hearing some stuff from both sides of the argument but one side really is stuck on the "I'm right you wrong bye bye."
This is how any argument works when one side is the norm and the other is the exception to the norm
Posted on 5/1/23 at 12:48 pm to Upperdecker
quote:
This is how any argument works when one side is the norm and the other is the exception to the norm
Assuming that you are right about the majority opinion that's still an objectively idiotic oversimplification.
You could be in minority opinion when it comes to anything from politics to how you wipe your arse without there being a clear right or wrong.
Posted on 5/1/23 at 12:53 pm to molsusports
quote:
My brother's wife had around six figures of credit card debt he didn't know about until around six months into the marriage when she was pregnant
That would be a betrayal hard to overcome
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