Why Paul "GOAT" Mainieri will never be fired from LSU: A short story

Good afternoon gentlemen. I would first like to congratulate all of you for clicking on this amazing thread which I'm sure will convince you of Paul's greatness and aptitude in coaching OUR LSU TIGERS to victory.

Part 1: Who is Paul and how did he get to LSU?

Paul Mainieri was born August 29, 1957 in Morgantown, WV (Nick Saban was also born just outside of Morgantown WV...just a cute little FYI). After growing as a leader of men (coaching our service members at Air Force) and as a father, Paul Mainieri decided to take on the task of coaching our LSU fighting tigers in the year 2007. Little did he know how rabid(some say retarded) our fanbase would turn out to be. He started off with a bang! Our 2007 team was led by Tiger greats such as Buzzy Haydel and Nolan Cain. They didn't do so hot but the next year he told all of the awful players to kick rocks! The 2008 team went on to break a LSU record 20 consecutive wins (Sorry Skip ) We all know what happened in 2009. LSU was a bit shaky after that 6th National Championship (All credit goes to Paul not the players) since then he's produced talent such as Alex Lange, Alex Bergman, Anthony Ranaudo, Mikie Mahtook and Chris Reid. Unfortunately (do to circumstances out of his control) he has not won another National Championship





Part 2: Why he will never be fired

Paul Mainieri is a family man. He has literally never tried to hook up with a college student, hasn't cheated on his wife, and doesn't *allegedly* let his players get away with tomfoolery. He has never been investigated by the FBI and isn't currently dating a woman half his age. LSU needs a rock during this tumultuous time. Paul Mainieri is that rock. Putting aside is flawless character attributes, Paul is currently the winningest active head coach in College baseball! Wow! 1467 Wins. That's 1467 more wins then all of the experts on the Rant. Amazing. How could Scott Woodward explain firing our only coach with a positive moral compass? He couldn't. And that's why Paul "GOAT" Mainieri will retire from LSU...WHEN HE CHOOSES.

I wish I could add more to this story but my boss might fire me for not working again.

Thanks, and have a GREAT DAY : )


ps. Paul please win vs MSU this weekend so I can show my face next week.