Worst Power 5 teams - Week 13 edition

1. Rutgers (2-8) - If you want to be the champ, you gotta beat the champ. If you want to beat Rutgers, you just have to get off the bus. Big 10 teams have defeated Rutgers by an average score of 43 to 6. Rutgers is so terrible that Ohio State actually felt bad for them and called off the dogs early in the second half. Ohio State normally runs up the score on everyone. If Ohio State played a flag football game against a team of orphans at a charity event, they would run up the score on them as much as they possibly could. That team of orphans could probably beat Rutgers though.

2. Arkansas (2-8) - It’s been a really good week for Razorback fans. Arkansas fired Chad Morris last weekend and the Razorbacks didn’t play a football game on Saturday. There hasn’t been this much excitement in Arkansas since they moved Sudafed from behind the counter, or that time Billy Bob’s sister came over to his trailer wearing edible lingerie. Enjoy the good times because Arkansas is going to be playing football again soon. Words cannot express how hard the Razorbacks are going to get fricked in Baton Rouge on Saturday, but I guess if I had to describe it Arkansas would be Cersei and LSU is Jaime Lannister.

3. Vanderbilt (2-8) - Vandy got off to a strong start in the first quarter against Kentucky, building a 14-3 lead over the Wildcats. The problem for Vandy is there are 4 quarters in a football game, and Kentucky dominated the last 3 of them by scoring 35 unanswered points. Vanderbilt is always a really fun road trip for visiting SEC teams. Kentucky fans had a lot to be happy about as they drove back home to their meth labs and cashier jobs at Dollar Tree. Vanderbilt fans can find comfort in the bottom of a bottle of White Zinfandel (paired with some sharp cheddar cheese).

4. Northwestern (2-8) - The Wildcats won on Saturday, but it was against UMass so it should only really count for 1/4th of a win. Regardless, the Wildcats advanced the football into the end zone more times than the Minutemen did and it technically does count as an FBS victory. Before their 45-6 victory on Saturday the Wildcats had only scored 100 total points on the season and averaged a whopping 11 points per game. It’s too bad Northwestern can’t just play UMass 12 times instead of real teams that actually have talent

5. Georgia Tech (2-8) - it’s hard to dump on Georgia Tech too much because I feel like they really are trying their best. They aren’t any good but at least they give a shite, unlike Rutgers. The important thing isn’t wins and losses though, it’s representing your university on and off the field. The Yellow Jacket football team might not drive around in shiny new dodge chargers or win a lot of football games, but these young men exemplify what it means to be an NCAA Student Athlete. While I was typing this Virginia Tech just scored another touchdown.

Honorable Mention: Kansas (3-7), Maryland (3-7), Michigan State (4-6), NC State (4-6), Syracuse (4-6)