Yes I know, another one of these posts. I'll preface this by saying I love my parents and family, especially my mom who is truly my best friend. For her sake alone I would never do anything really crazy but dang if life just doesn't feel a little hopeless for me right now.

I know I'm poor compared to many of you OT ballers on here but pre-pandemic I made a decent wage of $23/hr.) We would have some options of overtime and occasionally even double time which meant you could pocket some decent money at times. While my job was only decently paying I would get 4 weeks of vacation time a year, 8 days of paid sick time off a year, 401k with a company match of up to 8% and full medical benefits. Like many of you the pandemic caused my company to almost completely shut down. The company has reopened but my department was completely eliminated in December.

I currently live in a different state from the rest of my family so I used the first few months of this year to relax as well as to take a vacation I put off from 2020 and take an additional trip to see family as well. Being unemployed I thought I had until September but living in Florida I now only have another month before I am completely cut off from the Federal Unemployment Benefits. I'm not making this political on which side I support but needless to say that decision was a huge blow. I thought I would have a few months to find a decent job and could afford to be somewhat picky. Now I have to be in almost a "take anything" position which isn't good for my mental health long term.

The job search has definitely been disheartening as most of the jobs I've seen are pretty much in the $13-$17/hr. range, so I know I'm going to take a decent pay cut.

But besides all that though I just feel like the best years of my life are behind me. I've felt this way off and on for probably a year or two but the pandemic has really brought it out. I try to remind myself that I am lucky, that I bought a condo with my parents (and yes it truly is both of ours, 50/50 split and I pay all the taxes, insurance, HOA fees, utilities and any maintenance projects) that will be mine in 20 - 30 years after they have passed. I've never been divorced, don't have any kids and get to live a pretty simple life.

But if I'm being honest I just feel like the pandemic has revealed that I don't have much to show in my life. I'm mid 30's, single and no kids. While other people at least had significant others or families to ride the pandemic out with, I had no one. Being an introvert at first I loved the lockdowns and lack of seeing people, but even for me I'm tired of it at this point. As friends of mine focused on being with their families during the pandemic it reminded me of just how alone I am.

I have several medical issues that have caused quality of life issues for me and make me concerned about the prospects of finding a decent new job. My allergies and asthma have been absolutely killing me this year which has caused me to cough a lot. I also suffer from hereditary high blood pressure, GERD and some anxiety. I also have terrible vocal chords and in the last few years I feel like I temporarily lose my voice (at least for a few times) every time I get even a minor infection. I feel like most people my age do not have the issues that I have and it makes me feel isolated.

So I am unemployed, have health issues, am not seeing anyone/in a relationship or have any children. As I've started looking for work I feel like every job I look at just seems soul crushing. My old job was the best job I had but even with that it wasn't some sort of crazy passion. That's always been one of my problems, that I never really had that calling. I see other people working in industries they love or really following a passion and I don't have that. I hate to say it but I've come to conclusion I'm a fairly boring individual.

At this point I just don't know what to do. Life right now feels very hopeless and meaningless. I feel like the best years of my life are behind me. I feel like my body is slowly betraying me in a medical and even mental sense. I know I should probably see someone but I have terrible temporary insurance and I honestly wouldn't be able to afford to see a therapist on a regular basis. More than anything though I feel alone. I'm used to having to fight battles by myself but I'm really having to fight this one alone. My family would either be too concerned or brush it off. Some of my close friends have their own drama right now and I don't want to bother them with it.

I feel like I'm truly at a crossroads in my life, at the proverbial fork in the road. And for the first time in my life I honestly have no clue what to do.

Any advice? Recommendations?